Thanks for the comments, all. I've been in the hospital this past week due to some complications involving newly placed PCT tubes which are helping to drain the blocked bile ducts. Everything is now under control, and I'm home, but I'm still on the pain meds. I've been reading the blogs on here--many interesting people. It's educational. Thanks for the suggestions, Marion. Nancy, your strength is amazing. Selfishly, I'm glad to be on this end of the cancer. To have a loved one suffering this would be more than I think I could bear. I'm sorry to hear about your son. Lainy, thanks for trying to console me about the philosophical dilemas this situation presents. Although I won't go so far as to agree that all actions are for the best in some divine plan (ie, children dying violently to provide organs) as this line of thinking can lead to some dangerous places, including resignation of people to do anything good because they figure it's all part of God's plan. For instance, prior to 1920, it was assumed it was part of God's plan to keep women as second-class citizens, unable to vote, or own property, or have rights to their children, etc. Other examples abound all over the place. It alleviates responsibility by saying something is the way it is because God must want it that way. BUT, I would agree whole heartedly that God is mysterious, inscrutible. Your line from Tennyson's anti-war poem does seem to resonate with our lack of an answer for "why". Indeed, it's a mystery.