• From: South Louisiana
  • Registered: Mon, 17 May 2010
  • Posts: 94

Topic: I can't even be a good "W"

I can't stand that "w" word.  I feel like a have a black cloud around me.  I go to the doctor one of the first thing they ask "S", "M", or "W". my husband of 36 years is still my husband now and always will.  I seem like a fairlure in this new world I found myself it.  Wayne might have been able to do the lawn work for the last 22 years, but with his help I could manage.  Now, I can't get the lawn mower to start, the riding one, and the push mower is leaking gas, so I used a trimmer.  People know that I'm alone now that have stolen my central air unit, even the wire that hooks up my outside lights.  Only reason they don't come in is because I have a wonderful dog that loves to give them a wake up call.  Any suggestions?

Love to my Wayne for 36 years
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate
  • From: Connecticut
  • Registered: Thu, 18 Nov 2010
  • Posts: 68

Re: I can't even be a good "W"

Oh dear, I'm so sorry that you have to deal with horrible people stealing your stuff. Can you maybe install some of those "fake" surveylance cameras and motion sensing lights outside to deter the jerks stealing your stuff? Or how about installing a security system at your house? Do you at least leave 1 light on in the house when you are not there? We have used those timers on occasion to make it look like someone was home.

In regards to the W word, i dont have experience with it, but Wayne will always be your husband no matter how the drs or the government defines you. They may call you a W, but you will always be M in your heart.

Could you possibly hire a local handy-man to help you with things around the house and fix the lawn mowers? Or a small local landscaping company may be able to cut your lawn for you for not very much. My father-in-law runs one and he only charges $35 a lawn, and that's a once-a-week cut.

And you ARE NOT a failure in this new world - you are doing just fine and the issues you are facing are understandable given the situation (well aside from people stealing - thats just mean!). Hang in there, hope things start to get more sunny

I lost my Dad to CC Feb 13, 2011 at 7pm EST. I felt him take his last breath. He was 57.
I love you, Daddy.

--Kim
  • From: Wisconsin
  • Registered: Sun, 07 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 1,990

Re: I can't even be a good "W"

Terry,

You are not a faiure.  You are normal for the situation that you are in. 

I hate that word too and try to ignore it the best I can I am and always will be "married" as far as I'm concerned.   

I'm sorry you are having to deal with so much right now.  Would it help to tell you atleast you don't have to deal with snow & icy?  smile  I had to hire someone to plow so I can get out of my garage in back and I shovel the front walk myself.  Atleast I don't have a lawn to cut.

It does seem that things we could handle when our husbands were still here seem impossible to deal with now.  I am glad you have your dog to keep you safe in your home.

No other suggestions, but just want you to know you are not alone.  All we can do is try our best and hopefully eventually things will all work out.  Just keep taking it one day at a time.

Thinking of you.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"
  • Registered: Sun, 14 Nov 2010
  • Posts: 295

Re: I can't even be a good "W"

Ladies - I haven't had the same problem since I lost my son, not my spouse.  However, I did get into a "sticky" situation when a friend's aunt asked me how many children I had.  I instinctively said "2" and then she started asking questions about my kids which turned immediately awkward.  I didn't want to explain that one of them had died.  It made me realize that I really do have to think of myself now as the mother of one child.  John will forever be in my heart and soul, but I have to face the fact that he is no longer here on earth with me and I have only one living child now.  It's not easy, but it's something I need to deal with.  I guess "widow" is an easier way than saying "married but my spouse passed away" and then having to answer difficult questions.  Actually, I guess there is just nothing easy or normal when we lose a loved one!!!!  Forgive my rambling thoughts....Nancy

Mother of John who lost his battle on Oct. 9, 2009 at age 30....

5 Reply by Darla (edited by Darla Mon, 14 Mar 2011 11:47:36)

  • From: Wisconsin
  • Registered: Sun, 07 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 1,990

Re: I can't even be a good "W"

Nancy,

Ramblings are good and food for thought.  You are so right,  there is nothing good or normal about any of this and all we can do is deal with it all the best we can. 

I was thinking you could say you have 2 children, one here on earth and one who has passed on, but that would lead to more questions and explanations that none of us really want to deal with.  Not sure what the answer is.  Hopefully one day we will all be able to handle these things more easily.  Keep rambling.  smile

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"
  • Registered: Sun, 01 Aug 2010
  • Posts: 493

Re: I can't even be a good "W"

For me it's the pool. I have absolutely no idea how to take care of the pool. Sure, it's nice to have, but even when Randy could barely make it to the bathroom, he kept the pool clean. I throw some chlorine or shock in it and it looks fair, but I am lost at how to take care of it. I've managed to get the trash barrels out every week and I learned to mop the kitchen floors and they look good, but the pool. Give me a break! I can't be two people. I can't afford a pool guy. We'll see what happens. Randy did the trash, the pool, the cars, the dogs, and the kitchen floor. I did the other stuff. Now, I get to do it all. Lainy - do we have to embrace ALL of the new normal? hahahaha. I am still resistant to the pool, maybe I'll warm up to the idea when it's swimming weather.

  • Lainy
  • Lainy
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  • From: Phoenix AZ
  • Registered: Fri, 13 Jan 2006
  • Posts: 8,239

Re: I can't even be a good "W"

Sus, you embrace only what you want to embrace. Cleaning anything is 'normal' for me as I am anal when it comes to cleaning! Teddy used to say I windex the rocks outside the house. But it all paid off as I found a sheet from hospice where they asked him about himself and the last question was, "what is your favorte smell"?. He answered, "my clean house"! So adorably Teddy!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.
  • Registered: Sun, 14 Nov 2010
  • Posts: 295

Re: I can't even be a good "W"

Sus - Maybe you can read up on the internet how to deal with the pool -- not that you should have to if you don't want to -- but the internet is a great source of knowledge,

Lainy - I used to be "anal" about cleaning too -- now I feel very tired so if you are ever in NJ and need to bust out the Windex, I'll give you my address!  smile

Love and hugs to all....Nancy

Mother of John who lost his battle on Oct. 9, 2009 at age 30....
  • Registered: Sun, 01 Aug 2010
  • Posts: 493

Re: I can't even be a good "W"

Lainy - I agree completely with Nancy. So if you're even in Southern California and you hear that windex calling your name, I can  guide you where you can use it. I love the smell of a clean house too, but I bet it's much better when someone else is cleaning it. Love, Sus

  • From: South Louisiana
  • Registered: Mon, 17 May 2010
  • Posts: 94

Re: I can't even be a good "W"

Darla,

I am so glad I don't have to deal with snow, and temperatures like you have.  A few weeks ago it was suppose to snow and ice, the town just about closed down, no school for two days, or state workers had the day off.  We admit we can't drive in the stuff, I believe it was Christmas a year ago since we had snow.

My daughter was a summer camp counselor for Birch Trial a few years ago. She called an ask me please send some winter clothes, she told me 36 degrees at night in July.  She went from 90's and above here to, having to get winter wear for Wisconsin.

Thanks for listening,

Terry

Love to my Wayne for 36 years
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate