• Registered: Thu, 05 May 2011
  • Posts: 1

Topic: Missing Mom on Mother's Day

I just lost my mom on April 25, 2011.  She was diagnosed on January 7th, 2011 and there was nothing the doctors were able to do for her.  They attemped surgery but found the cancer to be spread throughout her liver, and she was too weak for chemo.  In that short time my mom declined quickly and I still feel like its shocking that this really has happend to me and my family.  My dad is heartbroken and me and my 2 sisters as well.  Mom died at home age 69, with all of us surrounding her as she took her last breath.  It was peaceful though and a couple hours later while waiting for the coroner to pick her up I dozed off for a moment, I dreamed my mom sat up from the hospital bed in her livingroom, dressed and looking healthy and she leaned over and hugged me, then I woke up.  I believe that was a gift from my mom.  This week has been hard with Mother's Day coming up this weekend.  I miss her so much, does anyone have any advice about greiving and when and if it will get better.
~Michele

  • Registered: Fri, 12 May 2006
  • Posts: 8,174

Re: Missing Mom on Mother's Day

Dearest Michele.. My heart goes out to you.  I have experienced for some days to be tougher than others.  Certainly, Mother's Day will be difficult for all who have lost their Moms.  And, the first day....the first Birthday, Christmas all are difficult to cope with.   There is no

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER
  • From: Phoenix AZ
  • Registered: Fri, 13 Jan 2006
  • Posts: 8,219

Re: Missing Mom on Mother's Day

Dear Michele, I am so very sorry about your Mom, but it was good that she had all of her family around her and had a peaceful Passing. There is no time line for grief as everyone grieves in their own way. I lost my husband in December to CC but am doing ok. I always say, I am not lonely as I have a lot of friends but there is definitely a big hole here. I have a suggestion about Mother's Day and other holidays. Those days can be set aside for Family Projects. If your dad has a house perhaps you could all plant a garden in Mom's honor. Or bring out all the pictures and each one make their own photo album. Things like that, that would embrace your Mother. I also have a saying that Mother's never leave their children and she will be all around you just as she came to you in your dream. My sympathies to your whole family. 

To my dearest family some things I'd like to say
But first of all to let you know that I arrived today,
I'm writing this from Heaven. Here I dwell with God above
Here, there's no more tears of sadness. Here is just eternal love.
Please do not be unhappy because I'm out of sight
Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through
God picked me up and hugged me and He said "I welcome you,
It's good to have you back again,
you were missed while you were gone,
As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.
I need you here badly, you are part of my plan
There's so much that we have to do to help our mortal man."
God gave me a list of things that he wished for me to do
And foremost on the list was to watch and care for you
And when you lie in bed at night, the days chores put to flight
God and I are closest to you . . in the middle of the night.
When you think of my life on earth and all those loving years
Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears
But do not be afraid to cry, it does relieve the pain
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.
I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned
If I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand
But one thing is for certain though my life on earth is o'er
I'm closer to you now than I ever was before.
There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb
But together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
When you're walking down the street and you've got me on your mind
I'm walking in your footsteps, only half a step behind
And when it's time for you to go . . from that body to be free
Remember you're not going . . you're just coming here to me.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.
  • From: New Bern, North Carolina
  • Registered: Tue, 30 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 683

Re: Missing Mom on Mother's Day

Michele,

I lost my Mom on April 3, 2009 and believe me I know how you must be feeling. 

Here is a web site that helped me to process some of the things I was feeling.....   http://www.connect.legacy.com/

Grief is intensely personal.  There is no timetable and no two people will grieve in the same way.  My heart goes out to you.  It's been two years for me and in some ways it's as if it just happened.  I can still be reduced to tears by passing someone wearing my Mom's perfume in a store. 

Come here often...we all understand and are here for you. 

I'm sending hugs, love and prayers for strength....

Your Mom left a wonderful legacy in you......

Hugs,
Pam

My Mom lost her one year battle with CC on April 3, 2009.

"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is.  Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.
  • From: South Louisiana
  • Registered: Mon, 17 May 2010
  • Posts: 94

Re: Missing Mom on Mother's Day

Michele,

I lost my Mom on Nov. 21, 2010.  This is my first Mother's Day without her, I always went to see her every Mother's Day, for that matter I saw her nearly everyday before she went to see Jesus.  All holidays doesn't feel right for me, see my husband went to see Jesus on Feb. 17, 2010, I lost both in 9 months.  So, grief has came to visit my house, I wish it would leave, but I don't think it will until I take my last breath.  I will spend Mother's Day with my daughter and her husband.  I will be praying for you.

Love to my Wayne for 36 years
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate
  • Pam
  • Champion
  • Offline
  • Registered: Fri, 11 Jun 2010
  • Posts: 292

Re: Missing Mom on Mother's Day

I'm missing my Mom on Mother's Day too.  She died of a stroke Sept. Of 2008 and then my dad died of cc in Nov. of 2010.  Big loses!  I will have a delayed Mother's Day when my son and husband come back into town next week.  In the meantime, I plan to bicycle the neighborhood, get a little sun, and grill a steak for one.  I'll make the most out of the weekend!  Happy Mother's Day everyone!

  • Registered: Sun, 01 Aug 2010
  • Posts: 493

Re: Missing Mom on Mother's Day

Dear Michele - My heart goes out to you. Mother's Day is a tough one. Celebrate some of your favorite moments with your mom if it isn't too hard on you. Maybe write her a letter. Know that our hearts are with you as you find a way to make it through the day. I also believe that your dream was a gift and pray that perhaps you will have more in the future to bring you comfort and joy. For now, I pray peace for you. Blessings, Susan

8 Reply by kittykat (edited by kittykat Mon, 09 May 2011 20:12:07)

  • Registered: Mon, 09 May 2011
  • Posts: 2

Re: Missing Mom on Mother's Day

Michele - I am so sorry for your loss!  Please know you are in our thoughts and stay strong!

Hello everyone. I am so sorry we have to meet like this...  I have visited this website so many times since my mom was diagnosed in July2010, and things so many of you have said have helped me better understand what was going on, as well as what my lie ahead... My brother happens to be a physician and referred me to this website.

My mother's CC was unresectable, and although she initially did well with chemo (Xeloda) and radiation treatment and her tumor shrunk, she took a turn for the worse in January 2011.  She and dad were devastated...

My big brother and I lost our mother during the early morning hours of May 8, 2011.  Yes, that's Mother's Day... yesterday... She was only 67, and after surviving gallbladder cancer 11 years ago, she had hoped and expected that she had so much more time left with us. 

She will be missed greatly, and it is my hope that more is learned about this illness so that someday someone else's wife, husband, mom, dad, sister, brother...whoever...  will have a much better chance...

in the meantime, my big brother has reminded me to live one day at a time...
I will also try my best to remember mom as happy and healthy, and take heed of mom's frequent remarks that I take it easy (not work too much and stress myself out) and "start living."

I will write again soon...

-Kat

  • From: Phoenix AZ
  • Registered: Fri, 13 Jan 2006
  • Posts: 8,219

Re: Missing Mom on Mother's Day

Dear Kat, welcome to our wonderful family. I am so sorry to hear about your loving Mother. She was a miracle you know having survived for 11 years with CC. I truly believe that Mother's never leave their children and you will feel her all around you forever.

Your Mother, through your memories
                             Will never leave you. 
You will feel her tender care from now on
         As a warm serenity in your heart.
Hoping you always feel the encouragement
         Of her love, and hold in memory
All the happy times you spent together.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.
  • Registered: Mon, 09 May 2011
  • Posts: 2

Re: Missing Mom on Mother's Day

Thanks Lainy. I miss mom terribly and always will.

Please note that I corrected my post to reflect that she had gallbladder cancer 11 years ago.  Not CC - she developed CC later...

So so sorry about the confusion, I am a bit scatter-brained at the moment. 

She developed CC ten years later and passed away eleven years after (exactly this month) having her gallbladder was removed.  While they thought that her gallbladder cancer was localized back then, we cannot help but wonder if there was already some dysplasia for all these years or something in her bile that ultimately led to both these cancers.  We will never know, and that is why I hope that better testing and treatment options are someday available for others.  I have read in a few places that gallbladder cancer and irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) may be risk factors for CC...  maybe someday people with that history can undergo better testing methods, rather than waiting for more testing when CC symptoms appear...

  • From: Phoenix AZ
  • Registered: Fri, 13 Jan 2006
  • Posts: 8,219

Re: Missing Mom on Mother's Day

Not a problm Kat.  Interesting about the IBS. I have IBS and contacted a different rare Cancer, more rare than CC. It's called a GIST tumor. Gastro Intestional Stromal Tumor. Comes back easily like CC and like CC not much being done about it. I had it removed with clear margins. PET Scans every 6 months and it's been 1/12years. I was too busy taking care of Teddy to worry about it and now I am still too busy to worry! Attitude is everything and life is for the living. And anyway I am counting on Teddy to pull some strings up there and keep it away!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.