Topic: What do you ask for when you pray?
To begin, I'd like to thank everyone for sharing such personal experiences that in normal everyday life is so hard to do. All the stories, whether they be good news, introductions, in remembrances, helpful hints, etc. - they all help someone out there. Truth be told, I usually come visit the site when things are on a downturn for my dad (72, diagnosed Jan 06). I usually end up crying after reading but it is helpful. This disease is such that many times you feel alone. It's so difficult to find a support group for this disease. It seems like everyone knows someone who has cancer, but very few know someone with cc.
Recently, I started praying again for the first time in 20+ years. I know it's a cliche to turn to God when the chips are down and we want to ask for something. But the weird part was that I found myself not asking God, but thanking. Thanking for:
- spending more quality time with my family over the last 20 months than the last 20 years
- my dad being around to see his son get married when the doctors first said he was going to be gone about a year earlier
- my mom being the strongest, most caring, most unselfish person I've ever known in my life
- my new wife being so supportive and caring for my parents and understanding for me (skipped our honeymoon)
- dad's doctors and nurses being more than just medical practitioners but human beings with hearts
- the family trips we took together that we never did growing up
- my cat and his fuzz therapy for me
- my business partner allowing me to take care of what really matters - not the business
- coming to the realization that "it's only money"
- finally seeing what life is all about
- that there are people out there who genuinely care for and want to help perfect strangers with their words, experiences, and presence (even if not physical)
But now I find myself sitting in front of this computer, crying more with each line I type. I have been praying to God to ask for help. It is clear that dad is doing poorly and the trend is going downward. The problem is I don't even know what to ask for anymore. Do I ask God for dad to go quickly and peacefully with the least pain/suffering? Do I ask God to give us as much time with dad as possible, fully knowing that he will experience extreme physical pain and my Mom emotional pain? Do I ask God for the miracle cure for dad even though there are so many people with a loved one that are equally or more deserving? One day I ask for one, the next day another, and switch again the next day.
I feel horrible asking God for any one of those things and feel so lost right now. What makes it even worse is that as bad as i feel, it can't be even a tenth of how my mom feels since she spends every waking hour taking care of dad and every sleeping moment worrying in her dreams. And then my dad is struggling so hard to deal with things physically, and possibly more emotionally as he keeps all his thoughts inside.
I don't know what to pray for anymore....but I need something to believe in.
Is there anyone else who feels the same? If we don't know what to ask God for ourselves, maybe we can pray for each other.
Maybe we could arrange a set day/time where we all pray simultaneously for each other. We may have different religions and different names for what we call our higher power...but we all share the love and care for someone with cc.
Please let me know if you would like me to pray for you and your loved ones.