Topic: I miss who I was when d was here

I am so lonely- the days continue to come and life is going on around me but I miss my husband so very much.
I never thought about D dying only living and this has hit me so very hard. I wonder will I ever be happy again. I can never be happy like when D was here- I liked who I was when he was around- he brought out the best in me- I was fun and funny- to him anyway.
CC is so cruel- we thought the three of us could live on despite it but now it is our precious daughter and me.
What happens now?

Re: I miss who I was when d was here

Hello dearest C. I most certainly hear you loud and clear. Perhaps when you have the love like we were so fortunate to have you become so enmeshed with each other that it seems we loose that physical half of us as well as our mental half. In other words the 2 of you made a whole and for now you have lost half yourself as well. Not sure I am making sense here, sometimes I wish everyone knew what I was thinking when I find it so hard to express.
You will somehow find the strength as D would want you to.
You will be happy again one day as D would want you to.
You will be yourself again with the exception of one place in your heart as D is still there.
I can't remember if you said how many years you were married. We were married 16 and I just keep reminding myself that I had this unbelievable man who loved me more than life, for 16 years, which is more than most people find in a lifetime. I am a lucky lady.

You cannot see or touch me,
But I'm standing next to you,
Your tears can only hurt me,
Your sadness makes me blue,
Be brave and show a smiling face,
Let not your grief show through,
I love you from a different place,
Yet I'm standing next to you


Re: I miss who I was when d was here

Thanks Lainy- we would have been married 3 years this month- I am only 32year- just starting out together. You really understand- everything you have said is how I feel- You are right David is still here in my heart. I will hold on to that thought. Thank you for your kind words. You have lifted me today.

Re: I miss who I was when d was here

Dear C,
I don't participate much here anymore, read the posts daily, but keep most thoughts and ideas to myself.  I thought I would share with you in the hope of easing just a tiny, tiny bit of your pain.  My husband Rob and I were married for 37 years, together for 42 years.  We were know as "peanut butter and jelly" by our friends.  When the bible said two will become one, trust me, that was definately us.  As Lainy has said...I feel blessed to be one of those fortunate ones who truly shared love with another soul.  At some point down the road you will notice a small smile in your heart and be surpised that has happened again.  I do laugh again, but the hole is forever there.  What has helped me most is trying to be in the present moment...not in the past, not in the future.  Give yourself time to grieve, to remember.  At some point you will feel a little lighter.  My beloved transitioned a little over two years ago.  I still feel very connected, but do experiece some happiness. 
Peace to you,

Wishing all God's blessings!

Re: I miss who I was when d was here

Hi CM,

I have to agree with Karen.  Everything she said is much the same as I would say to you.   My husband passed almost 3 years ago.  Less than 2 months after his first symtoms, so I do know how you are feeling.  He was 62 and we had been together almost 45 years. 

Yes David will always be with you and your daughter in your heart and your memories.  He died too young, but you can keep his memory alive for your daughter.

None of this is easy and you will always feel that part of you is missing, but it does easy somewhat with time.  Take care and know I am thinking of you and your daughter and hope you can find some comfort and peace.

Love and Hugs,

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: I miss who I was when d was here

Dear CM - So sorry for the pain of your loss. You can keep David alive in your memories that you cherish so much. I was married 28 years, but knew my husband for 43 years. We were soulmates and I do feel like I'm 1/2 of what I was. I feel him with me and around me, but I would LOVE to see him and hold him again. That won't happen this side of Heaven, but I have a hope....Blessings, Susan