Topic: Dad left today

Dear friends -

Although I only joined a week ago and posted a few times, I have felt such a warmth and understanding from all of you.

My dad died this afternoon -- when I arrived this morning, his breathing was laborious and he seemed to have slipped into a coma -- fortunately the hospice nurse's aide was scheduled to come this morning and he also could see that dad was going

He called the hospice nurse and she arrived with more medication (pain patch) -- she checked dad and advised that we give him the oral morphine as it would alleviate his struggles to breath -- she also put the pain patch on

The hospice aide and nurse were wonderful -- they stayed to talk a while and then left -- I decided it would be best to spend the night so went home to shower and gather my stuff -- when I got back, dad's breathing had worsened so we gave him more morphine

My son had taken off work early to take his wife for a medical appointment so he was able to come and see his grandfather before they had to leave

I had gone in dad's room and started to massage his feet when his breathing changed -- I called my brother and we were both at his side when he passed -- my dad fought to the end but he was so tired

He looked so peaceful -- I was glad that my daughter was finally able to come and see him now that he's at rest

I know he's with my mom -- they've been apart for 15 years and he's missed her so much and she's been patiently waiting for him --

It's just hard

Re: Dad left today

Rose, My thoughts and prayers are with you during this sad time.  It sounds like your dad went peacefully and without pain.  I'm glad you could all be there for him.  Take care.

Re: Dad left today

Dear Rose, your Dad is now at Peace and yes he is with the love of his life.

Your Father, through your memories
                             Will never leave you. 
You will feel his tender care from now on
         As a warm serenity in your heart.
Hoping you always feel the encouragement
         Of his love, and hold in memory
All the happy times you spent together

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Dad left today

Pam and Lainy -

Thanks - it was a sleepless night - finally, at 4 a.m., I looked up at the ceiling of my bedroom and realized that I am surrounded by his love -- he built this house and he's still all around me

Re: Dad left today

Rose, he will always be all around you, I am a firm believer as my posts about Teddy show. There are no words to describe the feeling of knowing our loved ones are right here. One of these days I will post my log of Teddy's visits since he passed December 6th. Perhaps those who don't believe poo, poo it but it sure has got me through the last 6 months. Take care and start to look around you, Dad is there.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Dad left today

Dear Rose,

I am so sorry to hear that your dad has passed so quickly.  Try to take some comfort in knowing that he is no longer in pain or suffering.  He will always be with you in your thoughts and memories.  You will find that his love still surrounds you.  My thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Dad left today

We've been having quite a bit of rainy weather these past few weeks and every morning, I would watch from the sliding door in dad's bedroom as the clouds gathered in the valley and then it would shower several times.  On Friday, it was a little cloudy in the early morning but when I arrived to see dad, the sun was out and shining brightly.  After the nurse's aide came and we were talking in dad's bedroom, the aide was startled to see a wild pig in the garden  (they often wander down from the mountain but my brother said they usually don't
come out until the afternoons).  My brother ran outside to shoo the pig away but a minute later, the aide saw the same pig and two more running through the garden.  My brother went out and chased them away.  But I think they came to say "good-bye" to dad. 

That afternoon, the clouds briefly gathered and there was a very light shower and a beautiful rainbow appeared.  Hawaiians believe showers are blessings and I think that was for dad.  Then the sun came out again.

It was still sunny and bright when dad left.  The two days since have been cold and rainy again.

Re: Dad left today

Exactly what I am talking about! I so believe, especially after I witnessed Teddy reaching out to hug and kiss those who were coming to escort him to his new home. I love your story, Rose. Keep being alert and you will see more.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Dad left today

Hi Lainy -

I had been reading your posts about your visits from Teddy and was thinking about sharing what happened after my mom passed away.

I was extremely tired when I got home the night after mom died and I feel into a deep sleep.  At 4 a.m., I heard her call my name but it was how she did it when she was upset with me.  So, I crawled out of bed and at 4:30 a.m., I was trundling down the deserted aisles of the nearby 24-hour Safeway (the first and only time in my life).  I guess she did it to make sure I had food in the house although certainly she also knew that I was not the cook she was!

Well, after that, there was absolutely nothing and I felt a little hurt that the one time I heard from her, she had sounded so sharp. 

About six years afer mom passed, my long-term relationship with a boyfriend ended and it was a very tough time for me.  I took to going to Punchbowl to see mom every weekend and after I left her flowers, I would go up to the look-out.  From that look-out, on one side, you can see the whole city below and the other side, you can see the whole of the cemetary.  I would look at the columbarium where mom rests and I would so wish that she were here so I could talk to her.

One sunny summer day, I was walking down the broad bricked pathway from the look-out to my car when I saw a bright twinkling (immediately fairy light came to mind although this was in bright sunshine) which danced in the air.  I kept watching it as I walked down the path and this light kept twirling in the air and drifting slowly down the path.  I finally neared, reached out and caught it in my hand.  It was a square of textured, clear plastic wrap (like what might be placed on the top layer in a box of candy.)  I looked at it and said "hi, mom."
I folded it carefully and it has ridden with me since in my car console.     

I got some strange looks when I describing hearing mom call me so I didn't tell anybody about what happened at Punchbowl.  After reading about your visits with Teddy, I know mom came to see me because she knew I needed her.

I take my dog walking every morning and as I mentioned, it's been cold and rainy.  On Saturday, when I looked up, there was a big, triangle-shaped patch of clear sky with the gray rain clouds streaming past and this morning, there was a big square of clear sky with the gray clouds surrounding it.  I think mom and dad are looking down to check that we're OK.

So, Lainy -- I'm with you 100%

Re: Dad left today

Dear Rose,  So sorry to hear of your dad's passing but thankful it was peaceful. Love the story about the pigs coming to say goodbye. Animal instincts often seem more advanced than ours.
May you find comfort in your memories and in knowing that your beloved parents are together again. Hugs. Nancy

Loving my husband from afar.

Re: Dad left today

Rose,
I'm so sorry for your loss.  Dad passed the same day, so I hope they met up on their journey.  I believe our dear Dads are watching over us and never far away, and hope you find peace in the difficult days ahead.

Thinking of you.

Jen

Re: Dad left today

Rose and Jennifer,
I'm very sorry for your losses.  I lost my wife to complications from this disease last October, and even at almost nine months, the feelings of pain and loss have not decreased.  I'm told it gets better, but I'm still waiting.

My best to y'all. 

Kevin

Re: Dad left today

Hello -

Thank you all -

We will be holding a Buddhist funeral service for Dad this Friday and the Bishop asked us to meet with him today to go over the ceremony -- neither my brother or I are Buddhists but it was very comforting to talk to him.

He explained that for 49 days, the spirit remains, essentially to make amends for any regretted actions, thoughts, etc.  A service is done shortly before or by the 49th day after someone passes so the spirit can then depart.

My sister-in-law then asked if Dad was still in the house.  Although she makes sure to close Dad's bedroom door, several times at night, the door has opened although there is no breeze blowing. 

So while we had originally not thought of holding the 49-day service, now that we understand the reason for it, we have a new perspective.  If it will help, I'm all for it.

Every day is a little journey and I learn something.  There's a long way to go but at least I can look back and see how many steps I've taken.

Re: Dad left today

Rose, I like this post as I can see how many steps you have taken as well. I too like the concept of the Buddhist. I sure have a feeling that when the bedroom door opens it's your Dad letting you know he is still around his family.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Dad left today

Rose - I am so sorry for your loss, but I have come to believe that there is another whole world around us that we cannot see and every once in awhile we get a glimpse of it through the visits or reminders of our loved ones. I am so glad that the pigs came and the twinkling and the opening in the sky - you are experiencing that world that many never see as they don't have eyes to see it. Maybe we need to lose someone very special and deeply loved to be open to what else is available to us. I look upon it as God's grace extended to us to bring us comfort and joy. Blessings, Susan

Re: Dad left today

Hi, Lainy and Susan -

When we brought Dad home, the hospice nurse case manager said that we might notice what she called a "1000 yard stare" and often, I would see that as Dad would gaze out at the garden or through the sliding glass door of his room to the street outside.  It was almost as if he was storing it all away.

At first, it hurt that he seemed to be distancing himself from us but I think during those weeks, it was a natural process of slowly separating from life.  Yet, there were times that he recognized and was happy to see relatives and surprisingly, the nurse's aide who came several times a week.  So we enjoyed the moments when he was "present" and just sat with him when he was "distant" and both were good.

This has just made me realize how precious every day is and to enjoy the good times and not to sweat the small stuff --

Re: Dad left today

Rose - Dad was the same way near the end.  He was mostly distant the same way you described, but I loved every second that he was lucid and able to communicate, if even only to say "I love you" or "everything's good" (something we heard a million times since he was diagnosed) before going back into his other little world. 

Thinking of you.

Jen

Re: Dad left today

Hi, Jen -

We had Dad's funeral service today - it was good to see relatives we haven't seen for a while - one of my cousins told me that she still remembers the time she helped my dad make ice cream - it was wonderful to hear that!

It was a beautiful, sunny afternoon when we took Dad's urn to Punchbowl and placed him in the niche with Mom -- they'll never be apart again --

I hope you're feeling better -- take care

Re: Dad left today

Rose - so glad the funeral went well yesterday and you had a nice sunny day.  Hope you are doing okay today - I found the day after the funeral a bit tough, since there was nothing left to plan or take care of.  I'm thinking of you, and hope you are doing well!!

Jen

Re: Dad left today

Hi, Jen -

Actually I've been sleeping better since we had Dad's service - I didn't realize how stressed I was with all the preparations and the anxiety about everything going well

I've been working on the family photo albums and it brings up a lot of good memories of my Dad - I also pulled out my collection of CDs and the music is calming

Kealii Reichel is a chanter, singer and kumu hula (teacher of hula).  A couple of years ago, he put out a CD which he dedicated to his grandmother who had passed away.  When I took the CD out, this is on the inside of the case.

Look inside my heart
And you will find a secret place reserved for you and you alone

Look inside my soul
And you will feel my love washing in waves over every moment of our sharing

Look inside my thoughts
And you will see silver stars dancing our names across the heavens

Look inside my life
And you will know that love has etched your name on my very soul

Re: Dad left today

What a beautiful message.
So glad to hear you are sleeping better and allowing your wonderful memories of your dad to soothe you. Take care. Nancy

Loving my husband from afar.

Re: Dad left today

It's been weird - I saw the funeral notice in the Sunday paper for a friend who has been undergoing cancer treatment since last spring - so, I'll be going to another funeral tomorrow -

As hard as it was for my Dad to let go, I can't imagine what it was like for her - her #1 priority had always been to take care of her handicapped son - so terribly sad