Topic: money issues

My Wayne left me to go see Jesus 20 months today.  It has been a rough time emotionally, as wells as financially.  I go to therapy once a week, and to hospice group once a week.  Very few talk about the financial part, my husband had been disabled since 1988.  No life insurance, I did have cancer, and medical through my work.  I still have the same on me, but even with this I can't afford the co-pay on my prescriptions.  The last 3 months I have been able to get  St Vincent de Paul to cover them.  I was off Friday and been without medicine for two weeks the first I saw went I went was a man I had not seen  there before.  First he told me I had presc. coverage, I told him yes, but my deductible is high I can pay it.  After him using a curse words, he went and got someone else.  This is the lady I have spoke to every time I've been there, I told her of his language it didn't bother her.  She actually came out and told me to drop my insurance, go to a mental health clinic, and they would give my medicine for free.  By then I was crying, I even tried to get her to call  my therapist or hospice lady, no.  I finally got out my no suicide contract I have with the therapist, she just about through it to the side.  She left out, I picked up all my papers put they in my bag starting to walk out, she stopped me and told me she would do it this time.  While waiting I started writing in my journal die, die, die, over and over again.  When I finally got to my car, I was crying and started screaming, I was so mad and hurt.  To my fortune my daughter got off early and met me about 30 minutes later, if not ????????????????

Love to my Wayne for 36 years
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate

Re: money issues

I hope you are ok. Have you looked into copay assistance programs?

Re: money issues

Thanks for responding, one responce to a person that has lost husband and mother in 9 months.  I'm in clinical depression, suicidal, and write to one of the places that most of the time someone has been through it before, an d has something to say.  I'm guessing if someone on this log that has been through it before, they're not around anymore to answer.  NO ONE CARES  CC is the most devasting disease, it not only kills the patient, but also his family.

Love to my Wayne for 36 years
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate

Re: money issues

Dearest Theresa, I am sorry that you only got the one response here but I don't think people did not respond to be uncaring. I think most of us are a little shy of maybe saying the wrong thing as we have not been into this type of depression and so we cannot really advise. You are doing the right thing to be in counseling and the only thing I could suggest is trying another counselor to see if they come up with a different approach to help you get better. Could you ask your counselor if she/he has any suggestions on how you would go about getting some help for your perscriptions?  I sure wish I could do more to help you but if you have not taken your RX in a couple of weeks that could also add to your present state. I hope you get back to where you need to be, I know it must be like a horrible nightmare when it is actually all real. The blessing is that you must have a wonderful daughter.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: money issues

Dear Theresa,

We do care and want you to get the help you need to heal.  I think Lainy is right.  It is hard to know what to say, but I know what you are going through.  I lost Jim in less than 2 months.  It has been over three years and not a day goes by that I don't think of him and miss him.  It isn't easy, but I just keep trying to go on and deal with things one day at a time.  I don't have any answers for you, but just want you to know that I am thinking of you and hoping things will work out for you.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

6 (edited by marions Wed, 19 Oct 2011 18:38:57)

Re: money issues

Theresa....of course we care.  How could we not?  We are in this together.  I am worried about you, Theresa.  Theresa, I don't know whether you are aware of this, but there is a suicide hotline.  I don't know they number in your area however please, find it, write it down and have on you at all times.  In addition to your counselor please, write a note to our Dr. Giles.  Use this link
http://www.cholangiocarcinoma.org/ask.htm
and please do it immediately. 
Know that you are loved and know that the dark clouds will lift for the sunshine to warm your heart. 
I am thinking of you,
Hugs
Marion

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER

Re: money issues

Dear Theresa,
I read your post the other day and felt so terrible for you. I was afraid to say anything to you and I am sorry. I didn't want to say something that could have made you feel worse. I felt you needed more professional advice than I was able to give. I realize now that all I needed to say was that I care and that might have helped. I am sorry and I do care about you. I hope you are able to find happiness one day.

Love, Pam

My beautiful daughter, Lauren Patrice, will live on in my heart forever.

My comments, suggestions, and opinions are based on my experience as a caretaker for my daughter, Lauren and from reading anything I can get my hands on about Cholangiocarcinoma. Please consult a physician for professional guidance.

Re: money issues

Theresa,

Tears came to my eyes when I read your first post.  My prayers have been with you.

Kathy

Re: money issues

Thank you, for your notes, its been a rough time.  Once I got my med.s by Tuesday I was feeling better.  Still sad, still cry, but right now I'm holding my own.  I do have people on my contract to call if it gets that bad, that time my daughter called me.  Other times I have called my therapist.  The lady that told me to drop my insurance so I could get it from the mental health place, do taked into the fact that I'm diabetic, high blood pressure, thyroid med.s, potassium, iron from my oncologist, and medicine for my inherited tremmors.  After I broke my thumb last week I also found out that I inherited all my mothers arthritis.  I get very discourage but I'm trying.  By the way today at work was pink day, for breast cancer.  I'm wearing my green cc foundation t-shirt with a green ribbon, under it I did put a pink one. Cc is not fare to the patient, or to the familes.  Thanks

Love to my Wayne for 36 years
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate

Re: money issues

Way to go Theresa! I had a feeling the meds had something to do with it. Wishing for you to stay on the upward trend, that makes us very happy! And love that you are wearing the CC shirt! Thanks for letting us know you feel better.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: money issues

Good to hear that you are feeling much better, Theresa.  Please, stay well.
All my best wishes,
Marion

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER

12 (edited by Darla Fri, 21 Oct 2011 18:33:38)

Re: money issues

Theresa,

Thanks for posting this good news.  Glad you have things more under control.  And thanks for bringing awareness of CC to your work place by wearing your CC shirt and green ribbon on pink day along with the pink one.  Good job!  smile

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: money issues

I had therapy after work yesterday, she waited until it was time for me to leave that she told me that my friend who is paying for it stops at the end of the year.  She asked how I felt, I know I got very quiet, I felt my blood pressure raise, and my depression drop lower.  I got home went to bed, I heard my dog barking over and over, I looked out it was my daughter.  I told her that it seems she  shows up when I'm down.  My daughter told me she would pay for my therapy, not to worry.  I did another first, my daughter the other day was talking about going to buy a air compressor.  I bit my upper lip, and said we have one in the shed, which belonged to her dad.  That's the reason she came over, but that was the first one of Wayne's toys to leave my house.  I was sad that Wayne would not ever use it again, but it is in a good home, I know Wayne would be OK with that.  That didn't stop the tears then and now but it is still in the family.  I told her also that I have some attachments somewhere still in the boxes never used.

Love to my Wayne for 36 years
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate

Re: money issues

Theresa, I am so proud of you! What a big step that was for you and your daughter. I bet Wayne is feeling real good right now!
Fortunately for me, when Teddy knew his time was limited, he made up little bags for all the kids and Grandkids. Everyone got something. Next came his tools and etc in the garage. I had to do nothing when he passed except for some clothes which I gave to all the kids after his Memorial. My daughter took about 10 suits to a homeless mission. Didn't know what else to do with them but I told my friends if they were on the expressway and saw a homeless person begging and wearing a suit it was Teddy's. The Mission was very greatful for the clothes. Sometimes you just really surprise me and that makes me happy. Do you have just the one daughter? Any Grandkids or other family near you? You are very blessed to have such a wonderful daughter and its amazing how she just happens to show up when you need her.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: money issues

I have a son who lives out of town, and he has two daughters.  My daughter lives nearly 50 miles away, I call it the other country.  I live 25 miles east of the Mississippi River and she lives 25 miles west of the Mississippi, but she works on this side, in LSU.  I still have most of Wayne's things where he left them, we didn't know that when he went to the hospital, he would never come home.  We have two sheds with all different toys of his, probably sooner or later most will go to my daughter and her husband, a lot have never been used.  Some I'll keep I can use a electric saw if I need to, and a drill.  I have a couple of kits in the utility room.  Thanks for caring.

Love to my Wayne for 36 years
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate

Re: money issues

Dear Theresa,
I think it is so awesome that your daughter shows up when you need her. She is like your little guardian angel here on earth. Maybe your husband somehow let's her know when you need her. I am glad you are doing better. Take care and remember that a lot of people care about you.

Love, Pam

My beautiful daughter, Lauren Patrice, will live on in my heart forever.

My comments, suggestions, and opinions are based on my experience as a caretaker for my daughter, Lauren and from reading anything I can get my hands on about Cholangiocarcinoma. Please consult a physician for professional guidance.

17 (edited by missingwayne Thu, 27 Oct 2011 07:40:33)

Re: money issues

I don't know if I mentioned it, I have this thing about talking on the telephone, really not talking on the phone.  My therapist talked me into calling to pay my house note.  She advised me to call Wayne's sister, the biggest mistake of my life.  She told me anything to be spiteful and hateful.  I told her she was lucky I allowed her to go to the hospital, hospice, and the funeral.  She said she was his sister that I couldn't stop her.  Then I  explained the law to her, when you get married your spouse becomes your next of kin, then parents, then children, I told her she was down the line.  I knew it was a mistake to call, I found out the one I wouldn't allow to to go to these places is moving 4 miles from me.  I know we will run into Wal-Mart, the last time we saw her, I told him she was sitting across in a restraunt, he refused to look around to see her.  Four year prior was the last time they saw each other, she told her that she loved him.  (Yeah right!)
I almost forgot, I was getting ready to call one of the people on my call list when guess who called, my daughter Heather.

Love to my Wayne for 36 years
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate

Re: money issues

Know what Theresa? Sometimes we just have to keep the bad out of our lives. If Wayne felt the same way as you do then this woman does not exist. I had to laugh when you said you don't make phone calls as I don't make many either!!!
I don't know why I just don't. My friends understand and call me and if someone calls I will talk a long time, I just don't make many calls. That is some story again about your daughter, wow.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: money issues

I have to agree with you two ladies.  Some people are just toxic to us and we need to stay away.  Whatever it takes.  I have a few of those situations too and am learning that it is best for me to stay away and stick with those who care and are supportive.

I'm another none caller.  I too talk when people call me, but don't often make the calls myself. 

Theresa, it sure does seem that your daughter has some sense of knowing when she is needed.  You are fortunate to have her in your life.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: money issues

I'm kind of new around here, and lost my mother 2 weeks ago to CC.  I know it's not the same as your spouse, but it's devastating to me. 

I just want you to know that I feel so bad for you.  I have a family of 6, and we struggle every single day with money.  I don't know how we'll make it some days.  But you know what, Theresa, each night I go to bed, and I wake up and start another day.  I know it's going to be just as sucky as the day before, but I do it anyway.  I owe it to my kids, if no one else.  I'm not saying it's easy.  It's hard, and they days are long, but somehow, things work out. 

Just know that we may not have the answers, we may not even "understand," but we are all in this together, one way or another.  We can do this...one day at a time. 

Hugs, sweetie!

*~Becky~*
Loving daughter of Kathy, diagnosed with CC July 18, 2011.  She passed quietly in her sleep on November 17, 2011.