Topic: My Dad Passed Away 10/24

My Dad passed away on 10/24.  He was a good father, and a great grandfather.  We miss him.

I had gone up to spend a week with him in early October.  We had a good visit that
week.  My husband and kids came up for a few days, and my Dad's brothers from W.
Virginia came also.  We left to go back home on Sunday Oct. 14.  That night, he
collapsed in the bathroom, and hospice brought him a hospital bed the next day.  My mom
did not call and tell me any of this until Tuesday.  I flew back up to Iowa on Saturday
to help my Mom.  (I needed a few days at work to get things in order and arrange to
work from Iowa.)  At that point, the hospice nurse was telling us it could be weeks yet.  My Dad pased away on Wednesday morning.  At the time of diagnosis, we were given an estimate of 6 months to a year.  It was almost exactly 3 months from diagnosis.   

Those last few days were very hard.  I have written a lot more detailed information, but I am not sure if I should post it.    I am a worst-case scenario kind of person, and it would have helped me to know what to expect.  I would have been more prepared.  Maybe there is someone else out there like me who would want to know.  It helped me to write it, and I don't mind sharing it,  but I absoluitely don't want to upset anyone.

You have all been so wonderful to me on this site.  I don't know what I would have done without all of you, and I couldn't bear it if I thought I had upset any of you.  Please let me know what you think about sharing more details.


Re: My Dad Passed Away 10/24

Dear Rae,
So so sorry to hear about your father. I know how painful it is. I'm also one of those people who wanted to know all the worst-case scenarios - the problem is, you don't ever know how this disease progresses so you don't want to tell someone it's the end when they may have months yet to live - no one can tell for sure. My mother was given 6 months to a year, and died two months after diagnosis. Being the worst-case person in the family and the one who researched everything, I knew her time was coming fast, but even I was taken by surprise by how quickly she went. I thought she'd have another week or two, while everyone else thought she'd be around for the rest of the year. Even when you think you're prepared, you never are - it's always agony.

I understand why you've written everything down - a lot of us have done so, and I think it helps to write it down to try to make sense of it - and also in the hopes that it may help someone else. There's nothing you can post here that would be taken the wrong way - not in the sections on Grief or Remembrance, anyway - people don't come to the Grief section without expecting a dose of harsh reality, so don't worry about taking anyone's hope away if you post it. You can also post that you're willing to email anyone personally who has any questions about nearing the end - KateG asked people to email her before her mother died, and I practically sent her a 200-page book about my mother's experiences at the end. It was therapeutic for me, and hopefully a little bit helpful for her (though a bit long!)

I was always searching for signs that my mother was dying, and would have been grateful to read of someone else's experience. So I think you should post what you've written about it, as a labor of love for your father and for those who may suffer as he did.

Even if you don't post all of it, please feel free to vent all your sorrow, anger and confusion - you'll always have nonjudgmental, listening ears. I feel for you and wish you some degree of comfort-

Re: My Dad Passed Away 10/24

Rae -

My heart goes out to you.  I've lost many loved ones in my life, and I'm not sure I could handle losing my daddy to this cancer.  I wish I could give you a hug and just make the awful disease go away.

I think you'll find many on these boards want to know what to expect.  And for the same reasons you've mentioned above, I think you'll find many people refrain from sharing their experiences.  Perhaps if you clearly title your message so that people know what to expect when they open it, that maybe some of the community would understand what they are about to see and can elect whether or not they wish to read the message?

30-something caregiver

Re: My Dad Passed Away 10/24

You are in my thoughts. I am sorry you found the end so difficult but by offering your experience, you have become someone else's blessing. I dont know what else to write, but know that you are among friends here.


Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope

Re: My Dad Passed Away 10/24

Rae,  I'm so sorry to hear of your father's passing. That day marked the one year diagnosis of my Dad's illness and he died within two months of diagnosis, almost 11 months ago.  I share your grief and I send you and your family prayers to help you get through this very difficult time.

My thoughts are with you,
Missing U