• Registered: Sat, 11 Aug 2007
  • Posts: 139

Topic: I don't know what to do

Today my daughter called and told me her father had an anurisum in his brain and is on full life support.
George and I were divorced many years ago but remained good friends over the years.
My new husband, of 10 years has cc and is going to die. I am a total wreak. I've been crying all day. I don't know how much more pain i can go through.
My daughter is trying to be so brave so her pain doesn't add to mine but it isn't working. I really feel that i am losing two loved ones at the same time and I can't stand it.
I know you all can't help me but I needed to come somewhere to vent. I feel like i'm losing my mind.
Charlene

  • Registered: Fri, 06 Apr 2007
  • Posts: 79

Re: I don't know what to do

Charlene, my heart goes out to you.  I can't explain it... sometimes it does appear that there is so much sadness around us that it is difficult to bear and it appears that we can't possibly handle another thing.  Last year at this time my Dad was in very serious condition and I felt it was so cruel that everyone else was planning their Christmases, decorating their homes, and buying their gifts while we were watching my Dad slip away and were not even certain that he would be with us at Christmas. I look back now and see how trivial a lot of things are when compared to matters of life and death.

I know how very difficult it is. As difficult as it all was, one thing that gave me comfort was knowing I was doing my best for my Dad.  I was a wreck when I wasn't around him, getting to work with swollen eyes, not sleeping, not eating because I was so utterly sad for what he was going through.  As his advocate and his daughter, I found a strength I didn't know I had.  I look back now and I feel as if I was carried through that time.  I'm not even suggesting it was a Divine force that carried me, I feel it was the love my Dad and I had for each other.  Because I loved him so I was able to walk along side of him the best that I could until the very end.

I send you prayers of comfort and peace for your heart. I also pray for the best possible outcome for your husband and your daughter's father as well.

Brightest Blessings,
Missing U

  • From: New Jersey
  • Registered: Tue, 20 Nov 2007
  • Posts: 306

Re: I don't know what to do

Charlene,
My heart truly goes out to you and your daughter.  I can so emphasize with the pain you are feeling.  Take streghten in knowing and remembering the good/happy times you shared with your loved ones is what is sustaining them also.   It is said the Lord will not give us more then we can handle.  My prayers are with you.
Karen

Wishing all God's blessings!
  • JeffG
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  • From: Kansas
  • Registered: Mon, 16 Oct 2006
  • Posts: 1,242

Re: I don't know what to do

Charlene..... You know there is nothing I can do or say to make things any easier for you, but I have to say something.....As rough as it is remember your genuine caring and loving soul and heart carries the pain.  You can vent all you want and we will listen and pray.  When your heart is heavy so be ours.  If I could,I would give you a great big hug and let your tears flow on my shoulders !  Times like this you have to be fair to yourself and not hide your emotions and reach out for some emotional support.  A good friend, relative, or clergy let them be there and share these trying times. You are never alone if God lives in your heart.  Just say it Charlene, God please give me the strength loud and clear.  Say it as many times as you wish and he will help you.  I'm not trying to become a Preacher or impose religion upon you, but only sharing what has worked for me and continues to work for me.  Charlene, If you would like to just vent and chat just set a day and time and I would be more than happy to share your pain on the CHAT line.
God Bless !!!
Jeff G.

Take it to the Limit,One More Time! (Eagles)
  • Registered: Sat, 11 Aug 2007
  • Posts: 139

Re: I don't know what to do

Thank you all, My ex, George was taken off life support and has passed away.
We met when we were only 15 and fell in love. We were married at 16 since i had gotten pregnant.
We stayed together 10 years and decided we were better friends than being married.
Since then we spent Thanksgiving together every year. John knew and liked Goerge and
they always talked mechanics.

The thing I will miss most is the way he would hug me everytime we saw each other. It was like we had never been apart. We always had a very special bond and I think that was because he was my first love and I was his.

I will miss him terribly but I know he is in Heaven with his family who had all passed before him. I thank God he didn't suffer, the only thing I regret is not being able to say goodbye to him. He will always have a special place in my heart.

Now I must get back to taking care of my loving husband who needs me more than any one else. We just got the results of his latest CT scan and there is absolutly no change.
We were so hopeful that the chemo would shrink his tumors but it didn't. He is losing weight and is in much more pain. I fear he will be leaving me soon.

Much love to you all for your compassion for a complete stranger. The world is a much better place for you all to be in it. God Bless you all.
Charlene

  • JeffG
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  • From: Kansas
  • Registered: Mon, 16 Oct 2006
  • Posts: 1,242

Re: I don't know what to do

Charlene... God Bless and may George rest in peace. 
Jeff G.

Take it to the Limit,One More Time! (Eagles)
  • Registered: Fri, 06 Apr 2007
  • Posts: 79

Re: I don't know what to do

Charlene, I am so sorry to hear of George's passing.  I understand how you feel you would have liked to say goodbye.  I pray that one day you will find comfort in the special relationship that you and he had, where in reality there were never any goodbyes.

Prayers to you,
MIssing U

  • Registered: Sat, 11 Aug 2007
  • Posts: 139

Re: I don't know what to do

Thank you all so much for your words of comfort. I just haven't been up to writing to anyone.

It has gotten so bad I am seeing a counselor and am attending group therapy for grief management...lol as if you can manage to put your grief in a little box and tuck it away.

I just wanted to tell everyone here to have a peasceful and meaningfull Christmas season.
May we all grow from what we are going through.

I love you all for your kindness and caring. You are all like the Good Samaritan who without knowing these people are willing to give of yourselves to try and make things better.

God Bless us all,
Charlene

  • Registered: Wed, 26 Dec 2007
  • Posts: 19

Re: I don't know what to do

Hi everyone,

My husband Alan passed away from this cancer on the 15th February this year. He was dignosed only 3 months before that. No one can tell us how he got it. I can beating myself up thinking I could have done more or persuaded him to have regular check ups at the doctor but he was always too busy helping in the community to worry about himself. It seems so unfair as we had just retired from our farm and looking forward to more time together.

He was only 57. I miss him terribly. Easter was sad and his borthday is coming up soon. I know it will be sad for me again and our two children.

Our grandchildren are sad as they miss their poppy.

At least he didn't suffer for too long and was able to spend Christmas and New Year at home.

Kind regards,

Jenny from Australia.

  • Registered: Sat, 25 Aug 2007
  • Posts: 144

Re: I don't know what to do

Please Jenny don't beat yourself up, this evil cancer is a sneaky thing with no tests or signs.  It is so rare that they haven't invented a test for it, much less a cure.  I am 52 with the disease and while I don't like it, I have come to accept the fact that I have it and there was nothing i could do prevent it.  I had just had gall bladder surgery 9 months before and there was nothing. 

God bless you and I will keep you in my prayers.

  • Registered: Wed, 26 Dec 2007
  • Posts: 19

Re: I don't know what to do

Hi thecdr

Thankyou so much for your remarks. I hope you can get more help for CC than Alan was able to get. It is a pity that doctors don't know enough about it.  What gall bladder surgery did you have? I have read that sometimes CC can be found by accident in the very early stages and the gallbladder is taken out and sometimes the bile ducts before it gets to the stage of affecting the liver.

I miss my husband so much and I wish I had told him more things now but we don't seem to tell them enough until it is too late.

I will be praying for you as well

Jenny

  • Registered: Sat, 25 Aug 2007
  • Posts: 144

Re: I don't know what to do

Thank you Jenny.
I had a cholecystectomy for gall stones, simple, routine, nothing out of the ordinary.  It seems to me that CC is always found by accident since there really is no test or screening. 

Don't live with regret, I always tell my 11 year old son (I'm a single mom) that he will always be in my heart and I will always be in his.  I am sure that is the same way with your husband.  He knows what you wanted to say because you're saying them now.

By the way, Australia is one of my most favorite places on earth, I've been twice and just loved it!

Barb (aka, the commander)