Topic: My Wayne
I haven't been here in a while. I'm still on my med.'s, as long as I am I feel ok. Christmas was hard, and the New Years wasn't as bad. I was with my daughter for Christmas. When I went to my therapist yesterday, I told her that I've still have my tree up. She asked why? I said I guess it's like a semi memorial for Wayne. I have a lot of ornaments of him on the tree. Around it I have pictures of us, pictures of him, and a picture of us and my daughter at her college graduation. There's also flowers, poems in frames, and candles.
I guess it makes me feel close to him, is the reason. In 2 weeks it will be 2 years, the longest two years of my life. I wish it had been me instead of him, then he would have to pick up the millions of pieces, called a life. I'm not happy I don't know if I will ever be. I went to the oncologist Friday to have blood work, a friend of mine was on the other side of the hospital on the in patient oncology unit, I could not go see her. It is hard enough to go into the oncology doctor's office, different doctor, but to go on that floor where we spent four weeks, is impossible for me. She also has the same doctor that Wayne had. I already told my boss that I am taking off on the 17th, she said maybe I need to come to work to get my mind off of what day it is. Of course, this is a person that has both parents, husband, and children. I wish to be so lucky. My last thing hug your love one's, and tell them you love them daily, we know what it's like to go through God to be able to do so.
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate