My Wayne

Dearest Terry, I am so glad you posted as about 2 days ago you crossed my mind and I had every intention of putting a shout out to you!
You don't need to make any apologies as to how you remember Wayne! My gosh, I am sure some people think I am totally off the wall with how often I feel I hear from Teddy. I think the tree is a lovely idea and when you are ready you do what you feel. On my dining room mantle I  have Teddy's Urn, our song, "When I Fall In Love" framed, our wedding picture and a huge picture of him watching over the house. Why? Because it makes me feel good!  Two years is not that long and I think you do sound much better than before and that is good. I too am meeting my new ONC today and it is also where Teddy was being treated but that doesn't seem to bother me. Keep doing what you are doing and if you want to take off on the 17th do it! Stay well.
By the way folks, we have a brand new Great Grandson (Teddy's Granddaughter gave birth 12 days ago) and no joke, he is the picture of Teddy and that is not just me thinking that, his kids said it too!!!

Terry, Teddy's eyes were blue also. I still find it very hard to talk to him. As strong as I have been about everything else I simply break down when I try to talk to him so I just put the words in my mind but don't vocalize them. Went to my new ONC today and man, the minute I walked in (big office 8 ONCS) all the girls were going, "Oh I remember Salvatore, he was so cute and so sweet". That did it. I couldn't stop the tears. I also told the new ONC I am here if he should get anyone with CC and they would like to talk. He said that as a matter of fact  he had a couple of people. What I am trying to say is that I may be strong most of the time but I do understand what you are feeling. On the Grandchild thing, it will happen when the time is right. Here's to our 'ol blue eyes!

You would not believe, or I think y'all maybe the only ones that would believe.  Thursday night I went to bed as usual, medication for sleep and all.  Well at 3:00 I woke up suddenly to Wayne's voice, he only said one word "Terry", it was so real, and I am positive it was his voice.  So I go to work later that morning, I am so excited that I heard his voice.  I met up with all the unbelievers, of course like I said most of them have not had a major loss.  One told me I hope you didn't answer because gives you bad luck, I lost my husband, and bestfriend, and you go home to yours, and I'll have bad luck.
When I got home next door neighbor, I don't know that well, asked how my day was, I said OK.  He has been going to Bible study, so I told him of my exciting news, this man started to get into my space, I backed up, he came forward, I had my arms crossed, I backed up again, he said he wanted to touch, then he wanted me to look in his eyes, I told him that I was uncomfortable with this I left.  I wondering if Wayne had come to warn me against this pervert.  I haven't had this problem since I was in high school.  The next day I was going to go to my car, I saw him outside in the front yard, I shut and locked the door.  I've had a wall up around me for a long time, the first time I talked to a person I don't really know this happens.  Well I have my wall up, tightened, and nailed shut.  He gave me the creeps.

Lainy, my Wayne had those beautiful also, my daughter has those same blue eyes.  I sitting at work with a picture of my Wayne, on my desk from my daughters wedding.  He missed high school graduation, due to heart surgery, he was in her wedding, and we attended her college graduation together.  Memories, they are ours forever.

Oh Terry, embrace those moments.  I truely believe and have had some similar experiences.   All those others have not been through what we have and have no idea of what we are going through and experiencing.  When I read your post it made me smile. 

Don't block out everyone, just stay clear of that awful neighbor.  When you want to talk or share your experiences just come here.  We all get it.   

Take care Terry.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

I'm sorry you are still in so much pain. I will pray that you will get through this week. Wayne would not want you to be so sad. My thoughts are with you.

Love, -Pam

Hi Terry, I understand and I am so very sorry that you are still in so much pain. I am wondering if you have a help line you can call when you cannot reach anyone else?

Hi Terry. I forgot to ask you what City you live in.

Thanks all, I live in Denham Springs, right outside of Baton Rouge, LA.  Today is Thursday, I cried last night it wasn't as bad as Saturday.  My daughter was going to take off tomorrow to be with me, but last night she told me she couldn't, so I'll have to do this all alone.  Her and I both will be off Monday and Tuesday for Mardi Gras.  I know Tuesday she is going to parades.  Been to one local parade Saturday, it was a home town family parade, there is no way I would go to the other kind.  I'm planning on going to get my medicine in the morning, stop by her work at LSU, I guess I'll go out to eat with me, might take it to the cemetary and have a picnic, that is if it's not rainning.  I will be there at his grave at 4:27 pm.  My group is having a Valentine group thing tonight, I had decided not to go, but after I spoke to my therapist I decided to go.  I try to think about all the good things, but right now all these pictures keep poping in my head of those last few days.  Today was the day they told me we needed to go to hospice, OK I was in such denial.  I don't want to forget those pictures in my mind, but I would like to have the good one's to take over.

Thanks,