Topic: My dad is going to die...
...My dad is likely going to leave us before the end of the year. It feels weird to actually type those words and to read them is even stranger. Our world will never be the same again. Just thinking about it makes me feel like the world is incomplete.
I finally did something on Thursday that our family has been putting off for a long time. Went down to the cemetery and purchased two burial plots. My mom and I know that we should have done this a long time ago, but whether it be denial or fear of "jinxing" my dad, we kept saying we had to do it, but just never could get ourselves to pull the trigger. However, the conversations with doctors this week has knocked out 99.9% of all hope that I had. And maybe that's not a bad thing. With all I've learned through cc.org and other websites, I've seen the telltale signs for awhile (ironically, started just right after my wedding in Sept), but to hear a doctor actually say "no, not months, weeks at best" was still a shock.
So my prayers have changed. I pray...
...that my dad will not have unbearable pain and suffering...that my dad can pass without significant regrets...that my dad can leave this world peacefully in his sleep...that my mom has even more strength than the unbelievable strength she has had these last 23 months...that my mom does not just collapse after my dad passes (she did not even have time to mourn her own mother's loss because it happened the month after my dad's diagnosis)
...and most importantly, I pray that God accepts my dad for being a genuinely decent and good man, husband, father, brother, and friend. And for being a person of true honesty and integrity who did not sacrifice his morals and firm belief of right and wrong for his own benefit/gain. And understands and can accept that my dad was born into and lived in an environment that simply did not have a sense of belief or relationship with God.