Topic: My dad is going to die...

...My dad is likely going to leave us before the end of the year.  It feels weird to actually type those words and to read them is even stranger.  Our world will never be the same again.  Just thinking about it makes me feel like the world is incomplete. 

I finally did something on Thursday that our family has been putting off for a long time.  Went down to the cemetery and purchased two burial plots.  My mom and I know that we should have done this a long time ago, but whether it be denial or fear of "jinxing" my dad, we kept saying we had to do it, but just never could get ourselves to pull the trigger.  However, the conversations with doctors this week has knocked out 99.9% of all hope that I had.  And maybe that's not a bad thing.  With all I've learned through cc.org and other websites, I've seen the telltale signs for awhile (ironically, started just right after my wedding in Sept), but to hear a doctor actually say "no, not months, weeks at best" was still a shock.

So my prayers have changed.  I pray...

...that my dad will not have unbearable pain and suffering...that my dad can pass without significant regrets...that my dad can leave this world peacefully in his sleep...that my mom has even more strength than the unbelievable strength she has had these last 23 months...that my mom does not just collapse after my dad passes (she did not even have time to mourn her own mother's loss because it happened the month after my dad's diagnosis)

...and most importantly, I pray that God accepts my dad for being a genuinely decent and good man, husband, father, brother, and friend.  And for being a person of true honesty and integrity who did not sacrifice his morals and firm belief of right and wrong for his own benefit/gain.  And understands and can accept that my dad was born into and lived in an environment that simply did not have a sense of belief or relationship with God.

Richard

Re: My dad is going to die...

Those are beautiful prayers Richard. I will add two to my prayers. I will pray that your prayers be answered and that you find the emotional strength to get through this difficult period and enjoy the remainder of your time together as a family.

Most likely not the place to discuss, but I will give you how I see God. From your last sentence, I interpret that your father was not a believer. I am married to someone who does not believe in God. Yet, there is not a more "Christian" person on this earth,  not morally or in generosity of spirit.  I personally dont think God really cares if Hans believes in him or not. The God I believe in is not ego centric and really only cares what kind of person you are. There are terrible people who do terrible things and call themselves religious. Then there are people like my Hans. I have no doubt that Hans and I will end up in the same place where others who think and call themselves religious will not. A good soul is a good soul-no matter if they pray or not. Better not to pray than to pray for bad things or to win a football game. Just my opinion and I hope I offended nobody as that was not my intent.

Kris

Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope

3 (edited by marions Sun, 16 Dec 2007 12:59:39)

Re: My dad is going to die...

Dearest Richard,

I believe that all of your prayers will come true for your wonderful Dad, for your loving Mom, and for you, the most wonderful son one could ever ask for.  Treasure each moment of togetherness, as it will sustain you forever.

My thoughts and heart are with you and your family in this special time. 

Hugs

Marion

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER

Re: My dad is going to die...

Richard, you have been so good to me, encouraging me through Charlie's up's and down's.  I'm not quite old enough to be your Mom and you have a wonderful Mother I can tell, but if you ever need an older sister (49)...

Have you ever heard the song "I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me?  It's really pretty. I've lost my Mom, Dad and older brother and you're right, you're never prepared for the finality.  When I read about the high rate of recurrence with this cancer and the survival rate, well if I read too much, physically I feel dizzy like the world's out of whack and the floor is falling out from under me.  That's how I get when I allow myself to think about this world and me in it without my sweet Charlie.  It's unbearable and I can fill it in my gut. The world would definitely be out of whack without him.  There's just no way around the hurt and grief of losing someone we love. 

You and your family have been in my prayers daily since that first day we communicated on this site.   I pray for strength, comfort and peace for you, your Dad and your family. 

Carol

Re: My dad is going to die...

Richard,
I truely believe God knows everything. He knows the heart of the person, He made it.
Reading your post made me cry because I  am losing my husband to this cancer.
I pray exactly like you, a release from pain and fear, a place in Heaven. I know when John goes his family and mine who have gone before him will be there to meet him.
All we can do is love them while they are with us and do what we know is right.
Your Father sounds like a wonderful man and God knows. 
"Be not afraid for when you are absent from the body you are in Heaven with the Father".

Know we are here and care for you. ((((((((Richard))))))  (hugs)

Charlene

Re: My dad is going to die...

Richard,
As I have just lost my dad 6 days ago, I know the feelings you are going through. I couldn't tell you when the last time my dad went to church or even thought about  God. His side of the family are Baptist and Protestant and my mom's side are Catholic. I never heard him talk about religion but we had Father Louis from the Catholic church that us kids went to when we were growing up, come to the hospital and pray with him and you wouldn't believe how receptive he was to him. He came back 2 days before he passed and did Last Rights and you could actually see him become more peaceful. I know he is in Heaven with his family.
We had a family member sing "I Can Only Imagine" and it was beautiful. Live life to the fullest with your dad for whatever amount of time he has here and remember, all it takes is FAITH.
My heart and prayers go out to you and your mom.
Rita

Re: My dad is going to die...

Richard,
Your prayers for your father have been heard and his spirit will find peace. My dad passed on 11/9/07 after a qucik spiral. We too heard the phrase weeks not months and sadly weeks became days. While in many ways we tried to prepare for his passing there is no true way to do so. Our family dynamic has an extra wrinkle in it as my dad was the primary caregiver for my mom who is in about stage 4 of Alzheimer's Disease. The fact that he held true to this role up until about 2-weeks before he passed is nothing short of a miracle. In many ways we think his continued focus on mom kept him from focusing on cc.

Dad was in hospice for less than 36 hours but they were angels and they assured that dad was comfortable, without pain and maintained his dignity. The hospice staff also "knew" where dad was in his transition and for me that helped (others may not feel the same). 

Finally, the greatest gift I received from my dad's passing was to see him at peace. Having now taken on a much more active role in caring for my mom - my awe for my dad has grown 10-fold.  When I said my final goodbye at dad's service I can genuinely say dad was at peace.

Bz

Re: My dad is going to die...

Dea fatherson, please email me I'm going thru exact same thing you are going thru....linzeebaby@hotmail.com

Re: My dad is going to die...

Dear Daddylove....Most likely Richard (fatherson) will not see your mail as he has not posted on this site since 2007.  But, you may want to click on his name and follow the instructions allowing you to e-mail him personally.  (We protect the privacy of all members.)
Good luck and please, remember that many of us have travelled a similar road.  And, we are here for you also.
All my best wishes,
Marion

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER