Topic: Losing a parent at a young age...

So as some of you know, I don't frequent this site often. But I have found some comfort in it as I have continued to struggle lately with the loss of my mother. I am coming up on 4 months since she has passed, and one year since the day we found out she had cancer, and it just doesn't seem to get any easier.

I come on here sometimes to read stories, and to find how others are dealing with the loss of their loved ones, and I just cry. Your stories are amazing, and as diffficult if not more than mine, and I still find myself feeling so alone. My mom passed at the young age of 54, and I feel like she had so much life left.

My struggles seem endless these days, as sometimes I don't even know where to turn. I am at a loss for words sometimes, as I just can't seem to figure out what the next step.

My sister turned 30 this year, and I will soon turn 27. And I sometimes I can't bare the idea of life without my mom or all that she will miss. It hurts so much sometimes its hard to breathe. And then there is my Dad. He and my mom were married 33 years, and to wake up every day, without her by his side is even harder than any of us imagined. Sometimes I don't know how to help him cope or how to make it easier, when I can't even make it easier for myself. I am so scared of moving forward without her and can't bare the thought of the moments that will be some of the most important days of my life and how she won't be there to guide me through it all.

Sometimes I feel my days are filled more and more with sadness and less with the happy life I am sure she would want me to live. I get up everyday, I go to work, and I do what I should, but I admit that I feel like there is not always much emotion behind it all and that sometimes I think about wanting to stay in bed all day.

Does it ever feel less numb?

Re: Losing a parent at a young age...

I can't tell you how it feels, because I don't know. What I do know is that my daughter is close to your age and has this cancer. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if she dies. It seems like it would be like what you describe. I don't know if I could ever find joy again. I don't know if I could ever get out of bed. I don't know if I could bear to even talk to her boyfriend because he would be so devastated. I worry our family would fall to pieces. But as I read what you are writing, I realize no matter how bad it hurts, I have to keep on living for my other children and my husband. Lauren would never want me to curl up and give up. She would want us to all be happy and go on enjoying life. Your Mom would not be happy if she knew you were so sad. Don't be scared to move forward without her, because you are never without her. She is in your heart forever. She watches you from heaven and wants you and your family to be happy. Maybe you would benefit from some grief counseling or maybe you just need time to start to heal. I think you are perfectly normal and just miss your sweet Mom. I hope things get easier for you. God bless you and your family. Take care.

Love, -Pam

My beautiful daughter, Lauren Patrice, will live on in my heart forever.

My comments, suggestions, and opinions are based on my experience as a caretaker for my daughter, Lauren and from reading anything I can get my hands on about Cholangiocarcinoma. Please consult a physician for professional guidance.

Re: Losing a parent at a young age...

Dear Wittrockj, You need some more time, 4 months is not that long. As Pam stated you might want to consider some grief counseling. You are also right that your Mom would not want to see you be so sad. Yes, it does ease up, the missing part becomes more faded but that does not mean there is not a big hole!  Mom will not miss anything as the years go by for she will really always be there! Teddy's Granddaughter just had her first babym a boy, a nmonth ago and I tell you this baby is so Teddy it is incredible, and I cannot wait to see how he grows, from his color of eyes right down to his bow legs. The circle of life, and that is what it is all about. Take your time and know that your love for your Mom will always be in your heart.

Those we love must someday pass beyond our present sight…
They leave us and the world we know without their radiant light.
But we know that like a candle their lovely light will shine
To brighten up another place more perfect…more divine.
And in the realm of Heaven where they shine so warm and bright,
Our loved ones live forevermore in God’s eternal light.


Re: Losing a parent at a young age...

Dear Wittrockj....My heart goes out to you.  Our Dr. Giles once said: "The magnitude of your pain and devastation signifies how precious she was to you--and that's a good thing. Please do not hurry through this extremely tender time. Your sorrow is a result of the loss of a wonderful Mom."

Reaching out to our Dr. Giles may be something you might want to consider.  He is here for all of us and I find his wisdom soothing and comforting.  (You can find him: top bar, Patient Support, Ask Dr. Giles.)

Seeking out support groups either through Hospice or other mental health services has helped many and, as Pam and Lainy have mentioned, a good counselor can be enormously helpful.   

Above all, know that you are not alone. Grief is the price we pay for love, and it hurts.  With time it is the love you had for each other that will help you through this intense time of mourning for your Mom.

And, continue to reach out to us. We are here for you.
Hugs and love,


Re: Losing a parent at a young age...

Dear Wittrockj,  I feel your grief and can relate to your struggles and feelings of numbness. I lost my husband 5 months ago and my children ( son 30, daughter 28, and daughter 25) lost their father and we are slowly working through our loss. Grief can be lonely. Although, we rely on the support and love from one another unfortunately some of it we have to pass through alone. I couldn't have made it this far without my kids, and I have also joined a support group but there are times I have to deal with my thoughts and emotions myself. Somedays are easier than others but boy is grief tiring! I wonder if I will ever have energy, maybe Spring will help!
My husband and I were married 33 years too - just 2 months shy of 34 years when he passed. I am so glad I married my soul mate, even to lose him too soon.
Hugs. Nancy

Loving my husband from afar.

Re: Losing a parent at a young age...

Wittrockj, I am so sorry for the pain that you are going through.  I do know how you feel.  My dad passed when I was 21, and then my mom passed from cc in 2009, I was 34.  I miss my parents every day.  I used to hate it after my dad died people would say, "time heals", but I have come to realize that they are correct.  It really is only time that will make you feel a little more at peace.  You will still miss your mom, but you will be able to think about the good times, and not just the pain.  Don't question how you are feeling, just go with your emotions, and know that there will come a time when you will feel better. 
Please know that we are here for you.