Topic: e-mails

Today at work I got a e-mail, they are going to delete everything over 6 months old.  I thought of all Wayne's e-mails, that he had sent me.  I started reading them and copying.  Then I started crying, and crying.  I have read these many times before but I couldn't have his words destroyed, without getting a copy.  Some were of complaining, some of love, and sometimes he would tease me when he had a doctor's appointment, who died and left you boss, I always told him,  NO one died to leave me boss I was always the boss.  I did notice this time around that after diagnosis, the e-mails became fewer, and fewer.  Not long after Christmas of 2009, they had just about quit.  He went to see Jesus 2-17-2010.  This has been the longest two years, and it is the hardest thing I've ever done.  Please excuse the writing, since he left it is hard for me to write a sentence without leaving out words, or using a totally wrong words that came from, I don't know where.  I try to reread what I do write, so I can catch some of the many mistakes.  Married 35 years plus 2.

Love to my Wayne for 36 years
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate

Re: e-mails

Hi Theresa, I totally understand wanting to save the E Mails! I have a log of the many times (50) I have felt Teddy around me and when I feel lonely I read it. Good idea you gave to make a copy of what I have so far in case something happens to the Computer. He has stopped coming through Music, but I am moving to an apartment and he was already there! I posted the story last Saturday. WOW! At least I won't have to send him a change of address card! Take care and you do sound better to me.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: e-mails

I always take one foot forward then two feet backwards.  While I was eating lunch with a couple of co-workers today, one mentioned something about morphene.  It hit like a flash of lightning, Wayne was allergic to morphene.  Now I second guess myself if I had told them, I e-mailed his doctor's office to see if they can look back into his records and see if I did.  I then called my therapist, I told her what had happened, she said I can't blame myself, she said Wayne didn't fill out his own paperwork?  No, I said, he would only put on there what he thought the doctor wanted to here.  He said it was not my fought if it had not gotten on there.  I have always filled out his paperwork, for 25 years, since his first illness after we were married.  I just feel so guilty, and can feel all those bad thoughts creeping into my brain.  If I didn't tell them that could have been the reason he went down so fast.  I feel like a failure again, it's seems I can't do anything right.  In the last two years I feel like this person, who I don't recognize.

Love to my Wayne for 36 years
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate