Topic: My Dad, My Hero, My Friend

I know I haven't kept up with posting but things have been really difficult this last month or so. I lost my dear Dad on December 17th. He was surrounded by all of his children as he took his last breath. The night before he was screaming in pain all night, and there was nothing that could be done. He had developed a Kennedy Ulcer in his Sacral area that caused him more pain than the cancer itself. Unfortunately, we did not have a great experience with Hospice, as they never addressed this ulcer and many other concerns I had about his care and comfort. I never want to see this happen to anyone. I will write about my experience in detail, when I can type without the tears.

I want to thank everyone here on this board for all the support I received, and let it be known that Dad fought a Courageous Battle till the end.

Love and Hope to All,
Lisa Ann

Re: My Dad, My Hero, My Friend

Dear Lisa,

I just sent you an email. My heartfelt sympathy on the loss of your courageous dad.  I'm also sorry that hospice made your burden heavier - please don't eat yourself up with guilt over your dad's last days, as you did EVERYTHING possible for him. You're a wonderful daughter and he was proud of you.

I am so so sorry.

Joyce

Re: My Dad, My Hero, My Friend

So sorry to hear your Dad has gone Lisa-Ann. I know how you are feeling, and am sending you lots of love and hugs from UK. Much love to you and your whole family. I'm sorry he had to suffer, and I'm glad he'll be at peace now.

Re: My Dad, My Hero, My Friend

Lisa Ann,  My sincere condolences to you and your family.  May you have the comfort knowing tour Dad is resting in peace now without pain! Love and Hugs to you and the family.
God Bless,
Jeff G.

Take it to the Limit,One More Time! (Eagles)

Re: My Dad, My Hero, My Friend

Lisa,
My condolences to you and your family.  The only positive thing I can think about is my Dad is not suffering anymore. Your dad is now at peace.....I will keep you in my prayers.
Rita

Re: My Dad, My Hero, My Friend

Lisa Ann-I add my condolences and hugs to you and your family.  I am so sorry your Dad had to endure such pain at the end.  I am surprised that a hospice would have allowed that.  He is at peace now and I hope you will find comfort in that.
Patrice

Re: My Dad, My Hero, My Friend

Lisa Ann,

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious father.  Although some may say that death is a blessing when someone is so ill, it never, ever feels that way to us who are left behind. I hope that you will be able to draw comfort that you were able to be by your father's side, supporting him the way that you did. You were there for him when he needed you the most- that s all that we can do sometimes, but to our loved ones, it is the most precious of gifts.  I pray that  you are able to find peace.

My heartfelt prayers are with you and your family.

Missing U

Re: My Dad, My Hero, My Friend

Thank all of you for your thoughts and prayers. Dad services are being held on Saturday, and I am trying to stay strong for him. I have the support of my Brothers and extended family members, however things have gotten quite ugly between my StepMother and her possessiveness and control of our Father after he passed. Parts of my bad experiences with the hospice care he recieved at the end, were also due to her. As I said, when I can bring myself to tell the story, I will share it. I am forwarning everyone that it will be a very long post.
Thanks Again to all of you,
Hugs Lisa

Re: My Dad, My Hero, My Friend

Hya Lisa Ann

I am so sorry that you have lost your Dad to this awful cc.
I am so sorry to hear of your difficulties with the hospice.
The journey that we tread with our loved ones with this illness is I feel a unique experience that only we can endure and share between each other.
Thus for most of us our stories are often long and rambling.
My story has opposite things to you in that our care of Alan involved hospice staff visiting us in our home and it was the best we could have received.
The care Alan received from one of our Famous hospitals in Birmingham was in his words "barbaric". This, he told the proffessor when he finally got to the oncology unit at the start of April. He passed away on the last day of April (2006) without any treatment from the hospital.

It was with the help of the hospice that Alan had a peaceful ending.
As I have written in the past I know we are all here any time, and I hope our experiences may some day help others in any way to learn to live again and remember the good things about our loved ones and finally put the ones that hurt us into a different part of our hearts.

love and light Alans mom

U.K.Member

Re: My Dad, My Hero, My Friend

Lisa Ann,
I am sorry for your loss, you and your family are in my prayers.

Kris

Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope

Re: My Dad, My Hero, My Friend

Lisa - I am sorry for your loss, you will be in my thoughts tomorrow as you go through your fathers services. 
Colleen

Re: My Dad, My Hero, My Friend

oh lisa, i am so sorry for the loss of your beloved dad.  then, to have a bad experience with hospice only adds to your pain and grief. 

you have been and remain in my thoughts, and i send you hugs and kisses as you travel through this final journey of your dad's life cycle. 

with love,
barb h

Re: My Dad, My Hero, My Friend

Thank You all For your caring words and all your help listening to me babble when I was dealing with Dad's Illness. I have started a Memorial Page in Dad's Memory..........
http://jamesjholden.last-memories.com

I am only just beginning to grieve, as there is so much going on with Family and such. Starting the site, which will last a lifetime, is helping me get through. This is My time and Dad's and nobody can take it away from me.

Hugs Lisa

Re: My Dad, My Hero, My Friend

Lisa, thanks for sharing the memorial page with us and I'm so sorry.  No one can ever take the place of your Dad or any Dad.  You are a special daughter.  Take time for yourself and take care of you.  Lots of love.

Carol

Re: My Dad, My Hero, My Friend

I am finding that as the days pass, I am missing him so much  more. I cannot believe that I cannot just go up those stairs and talk to him anymore. My StepMother has made such an ugly situation out of everything. She has hurt myself and my brothers beyond forgiveness. My Dad's wishes were to be buried here on the property, and we were to create a loving living memorial in his memory. The day of his services we were made to sign a document stating that she had total control of his remains, and that she was keeping them with her and he would not be laid to rest anywhere. It is so clear now to all of us, especially me, that she has and always has had total control of him,and still after his death. I am beside myself with anger, but have come to terms with the fact that we will never have a place to visit and remember him. I purchased a beautiful Urn for Dad, and had to sign that over to her as well, or he would have just been placed in a plastic composite box. I watched my Dad suffer terribly at the end, but she was in control, and there was nothing I could have done. I listened to him scream in pain for more than 10 hours and I still hear that voice every night as I try to go to sleep.
I hope that no one ever has to go through what I did, and I only hope that Dad can now see the whole picture, and knows that we never wanted anything but the best for him. He deserved so much more.
I will tell the story, as I need to let people know. I have a meeting set for next week with the Hospice staff, in the hopes that these cases be managed more closely, especially when someone is at the mercy of another.
For now I thank everyone, and if you could visit Dad's Memorial site and light a candle, it would make my heart ache a little less.

Love Lisa

Re: My Dad, My Hero, My Friend

Lisa,
I can tell how much you hurt and I just wish I could take some of that away from you. It does sound like you need a big hug and I hope you turn to your family. I hope your meeting with the hospice staff goes the way you would like and that it will take away some of your pain.

Kris

Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope

17 (edited by Lisa Ann Fri, 28 Dec 2007 21:10:50)

Re: My Dad, My Hero, My Friend

I am so thankful for all your thoughts and prayers, and thank those that have lit a candle for Dad on his Memorial page. I am finding the days are getting harder instead of easier and wonder if the pain will ever stop. I can still see my 4 brothers and my husband carrying my Dad through my house and down my steps for the last time. They did it with such care and love, and then I watched him taken away in the hearse, out of my driveway for the last time. I still hear his screams in the middle of the night, and I jump up out of bed to go to him. This greiving thing is a hard thing, and my heart is aching so. I Loved my Dad more than life itself, and I miss him more everyday. So much has happened, so many other things I need to deal with, and all I keep thinking is that I let him down when he needed me the most.
I ask him everyday to give me the strength I need to get through the coming weeks with my StepMother, in the hopes that he understands.
So much to tell all of you, but still can't bring myself to write it all down. It is hard to type with tears rolling down my face.
I wish all of you well, and know that you are all in my thoughts.

Love Lisa

Re: My Dad, My Hero, My Friend

I am adding a Page to Dad's Memorial Site and Would Like To include some of the Faces Of Cholangiocarcinoma from this site. Please E-Mail me Photos and a short story,etc. I feel as though most of you here are an extention of my family, and helped give me the strength to get through Dad's Journey.
I would Like To Dedicate a page on site in your honor.

Love Lisa