Topic: It's now three years since I lost my Mom....
I find I tend to use this date every year as a benchmark of where and how I am feeling.
I spent last night rereading my posts about my Mom and was surprised to realize I don't remember things as clearly as I thought. I guess it's true that time seems to shave off the sharp, hurtful rememberances and leaves you with a more positive and polished version of the truth.
This year has had some surprises. I guess the biggest is my Dad has started dating a wonderful lady in their church. She and her husband were aquaintences of my parents. She lost her husband to cancer about 8 years ago. About 6 months ago I began to worry about my Dad. Everytime I called he was "watching" a movie or tv. He was also adding a few pounds and just seemed very lonely.
Then about 5 months ago he casually mentioned that he invited someone to lunch. He told me he needed to get my opinion on something. Turns out I think he was asking my permission....lol. I told him all I wanted was for him to be happy. I reminded him that I was still the child and he was the parent and he didn't need my permission to do anything! We laughed. I told him I had seen him work through his grief and I knew he was lonely. I knew even if I was with him 24/7 it's not like I could ever be his contemporary.
I have to admit this was so strange and foreign. Mom and Dad were married for 58 years and had dated since they were in the 8th grade. Mom and I had even had the talk where she said she hoped Daddy would find someone after she was gone. (My Mom tended to plan for everything...lol) I rank that as one of the most surreal conversations I ever had with my Mom!
Long story short my Dad is back to the way he was with Mom. Busy, projects to do, trips to take, has lost the 25 lbs. and is laughing!
Faye is a lovely woman and has a busy life herself. She and Dad have the same circle of friends and are in the same Sunday school class. She is surprisingly very much like my Mom in physical appearance, and dress. She has a sense of humor and is very involved in church and family. My sister has had some problems with this I think but I'm surprised that I didn't. My husband asked how I felt and I told him I was surprised but I just wanted my Daddy to be happy and healthy. Daddy told me no one would ever replace my Mom and he could never replace Faye's husband. Her two children have met my Dad and they approve.
So all in all this circle of life continues with assorted surprises and different turns and curves in the road. I still have moments when I can become unhinged....like passing someone wearing my Mom's perfume or something triggers a memory of Mom. I still wish I could just hear her voice.
On the whole I'd say I'm more or less back but then I remember I will never be the old Pam. I think I'm more compassionate and hopefully more empathetic. I guess it's that I now embrace the NEW normal more and more.
As I've said before....the site has been a godsend and the people here have helped me so much. Thank you seems so inadequate but I do thank all of you for being with me!
Hugs to all of you as we continue the journey....
"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is. Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.