I'm lost... (Page 2 of 2)

Deb, So sorry to read about your dear husband. I do not have much to add to the beautiful posts you received. I too lost my dear husband 6 months ago and am stumbling forward. I have been surprised to find out who is helping me walk and who has abandoned me. I have certainly learned never say "call me if you need anything" because we won't. With a broken arm this winter I wondered how I was going to manage the snow removal, then everyday it snowed before I left for work my neighbour (one I haven't known that well) would be in my driveway snowblowing me out. Bless him.
I lost my dad suddenly from a heart attack as a teen, so I too can empathize with your children. I suggest family talks with your children recalling stories and times with their dad. Back in my day the subject became taboo for years, never speaking of dad in front of mom.
Your young daughter clinging to you is normal. My youngest (25) recently told me she is terrified of something happening to me and is anxious about an upcoming trip I am taking for 10 days, because she sees me nearly everyday. (I am anxious, too!).
The road will get smoother as time goes by put you will still hit bumps and potholes.
Hugs and best wishes for healing to you and your beautiful children. Nancy

Deb, It is so hard to know the "right thing" to do isn't it?  Sounds like you are very in tune with your kids feelings and I understand how an 8 year old would be different than a teen. Though, we all grief differently don't we? Sounds like you are holding your family together well. My heart goes out to you and your children. Happy Easter. Hugs. Nancy

My husband was diagnoised July, 2009, he went to see Jesus Feb. 17, 2010.  I know I had him longer than you, the sadness is overwhelming.  Our doctor never even told us it was stage 4.  He sent a different doctor to tell us he needed to move to hospice.  I don't remember a lot about those days, we had stayed a month in the hospital, and 27 hours at hospice.  I am still in therapy, I have clinical depression, I go once a week.  I also go to hospice group, it's not even the same hospice, this is the one my Mom used 9 months later.  They for the most understand, most have been thru it.  I still cry every night, and on medication, that's just to get me through the day.  My therapist yesterday did say, she could see some changes, that I'm thinking about me at least a little.

CM,

What a wonderful idea to include photos of her Dad in arts and crafts. Down the line, when it's not as raw, I will definitely do something like that but what most appeals to me is your idea of the "Daddy flowers". Aisling, my daughter, is so interested in planting and gardening. And this year especially we are planning on doing lots of indoor planting as our hyperactive mischievous dog has turned the garden into a scrap yard! We will do some Daddy Flowers, how wonderful. xxx

MissingWayne,

I can feel your pain and I am so very sorry that you too are going through this deepest of sorrows. My heart goes out to you. I honestly don't think most people understand a fraction of what we're going through, unless they've been there or they are extremely empathetic, as many on this board are. It is the deepest most cutting pain combined with anger and confusion.

I admire you for embarking on and sticking with therapy and the hospice group. I need to do something similar. I never seem to be able to make that more, not yet anyway. I did speak to the hospice counsellor with the boys and she was terrific but I need to set up regular sessions with her or someone else. It's hard to get anything done though. It's like walking through sludge isn't it?

We have quite a bit in common. I have suffered from depression for many years too so, of course, that in combination with this bereavement leaves me in a vulnerable state. On the other hand, I do think that we have perhaps an understanding of our innermost feelings and fears that maybe others don't have. Maybe I'm wrong about that but I feel it. So at least we are in touch with our feelings, as painful as those feelings are.

Best of luck to you and hang in there.
Deb xxx

Thank you Darla,

Well today is a big milestone and a day of mixed emotions! My eldest child (er, adult now!), turned 18 today. 18 years since he came into the world and his Dad and I fell head over heels in love with him from the first moment we laid eyes on him. Diarmuid would have been so proud. I still can't believe he wasn't here to see his eldest child reach adulthood. Such a cruel loss.

But I am grateful that my son is healthy and he's a good kid and is following in his father's footsteps musically. He's a very talented young man.

Thankfully he didn't want to have a party or even a small gathering. At first I thought it was a shame but sometimes I think kids have more sense than parents because I am now so relieved I'm not trying to organise a big bash. I'm way too tired. I made him a Mars Bar cheesecake, his favourite. Well, mine too! I ate half of it. It's nice, just the 4 of us here, together. Lonely but happy too.

xxx

Mars Bar Cheesecake??? Oh, how I wish I'd been there ...

I love your signature-quote, Deb.

Jxx

Deb.....I love your posting.  We do move on - not quite the way we had envisioned - but on we move.
BTW:  What is a Mars Bar Cheesecake?
Hugs,
Marion

Deb,

I agree with Lainy.   Diarmuid was surely right there with you all in spirit.  That cheesecake does look scrumptious.   Makes me think of making one.  Unfortunately I would probably eat it all.    Glad you and your family found a way to celebrate that was comfortable for all of you.  Take care.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

Hi Deb,

Wow!!! Homer Simpson moment for me with all the drooling when I see that pic of yours! That looks amazing, much yumminess indeed! Mars Bars I love and I would have never thought of making a cheesecake out of them! But then again, some people in Scotland like their Mars Bars covered in batter and deep fried which you can get from some of the chippy's here........

Hugs to you,

Gavin