1 (edited by Deb_ Sun, 29 Apr 2012 10:37:19)

Topic: My husband's funeral and a photo tribute...

I'd like to write here about my husband's funeral which took place on 20th January this year. It was such a moving ceremony and it's only now that I'm letting myself dwell on it and remember it vividly. I haven't even read the eulogy again since the day of the funeral. The service itself was so beautiful but, obviously, heartbreaking too. I'm sorry if this gets long.

Diarmuid was a musician so it was very important to me that the funeral service be filled with music. As an introductory piece, we had a family friend, who is a wonderful classical guitarist, play 'Cavatina' (the theme song from The Deer Hunter).

In the middle of the mass the choir from my sons' school did a beautiful hymn: 'He Will Raise You Up on Eagle's Wings'.

After the eulogy came the most moving part of the mass. My brother sang and played guitar. Everyone cried. It was so incredibly moving and while it broke my heart it made me so proud too. His singing was just so beautiful. The song he sang is an Irish song called 'The Night Visiting Song' by a famous Irish singer/songwriter called Luke Kelly. Here is a link to the song with Luke Kelly singing it and the lyrics are below. Chris, my brother, did a superb job and there honestly wasn't a dry eye in the church. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88W14esJulo

The moment the coffin was carried out of the church (by our two sons and my two brothers and Diarmuid's brother and nephew) we rocked things up a bit and a sound engineer friend of ours played 'Carry on My Wayward Son' (by the band Kansas) through the PA. It brought tears and laughter in equal measure from the congregation. The reason we chose this song was because four days before Diarmuid passed away his best friend, Dylan, visited him in the hospice and said that after leaving the hospice he was going to a bar to hear Ian (a DJ we all know) play some classic songs. As he was leaving Diarmuid caught his hand and said 'hey, tell Ian to play Carry on My Wayward Son especially for me' and smiled. So the next time Ian was with Diarmuid he did indeed play that special request, at his funeral. He even rigged up a professional sound system so it sounded just incredible.

The following is the eulogy I wrote for Diarmuid which my sister-in-law read at his funeral. I wanted to say a lot of things but I knew I would break down so I wrote it and she read it for me.

"Diarmuid was my best friend. He was the funniest person I've ever met. Even in the midst of a crisis he had the ability to make me laugh. His wit was legendary and his musical talent was inspiring.

I met Diarmuid at a gig in 1988. His loving nature and sense of humour made me fall in love with him instantly. The fact that he played in a band (or 5!) didn't hurt either!

We got married in 1993. There are too many happy memories to list but I can say for certain that the three happiest days of our lives were the days our children, Emmet, Daniel and Aisling, were born. Diarmuid loved his children at first sight and that love never wavered for a second. He expertly balanced the roles of loving father and carefree rocker!

He passed on to his children a passion for music that they will carry with them their whole lives. Thank you Emmet, Daniel and Aisling for making Dad so so proud and for being the best sons and daughter any parent could ever hope to have.

I am privileged and honoured to have had Diarmuid in my life for 23 years. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love and friendship.

We love you Diarmuid. We are heartbroken but we will see you again in heaven. Sleep tight my love."

-------------------------------------------------

Here is a link to The Night Visiting Song by Luke Kelly http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88W14esJulo and the lyrics are as follows:

THE NIGHT VISITING SONG

I must away now,I can no longer tarry,
This morning's tempest, I have to cross,
I must be guided,without a stumble,
Into the arms I love the most

And when he came to his true love's dwelling,
He knelt down gently upon a stone,
And through her window he whispered lowly
Is my true lover within at home.

Wake up, wake up love, it is thine own true lover,
Wake up, wake up love and let me in,
For I am tired love and oh so weary,
And more than near drenched to the skin.

She's raised her up, her down soft pillow,
She's raised her up and she's let him in,
And they were locked in each other's arms,
Until that long night was past and gone.

And when that long night was pased and over
And when the small clouds began to grow,
He's taken her hand and they kissed and parted,
Then he saddled and mounted and away did go.

------------------------------------------

Here is a link to Carry on My Wayward Son by Kansas http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVH-u9gI … re=related and the lyrics are as follows:

CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON

Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more.

Once I rose above the noise and confusion
Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion
I was soaring ever higher
But I flew too high.

Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man
Though my mind could think I still was a mad man
I hear the voices when I'm dreaming
I can hear them say...

Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more.

Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know.

On a stormy sea of moving emotion
Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean
I set a course for winds of fortune
But I hear the voices say.

Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more.

Carry on, you will always remember
Carry on, nothing equals the splendor
The center lights around your vanity
But surely heaven waits for you.

Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more.

-----------------------------------------

Finally, I'd like to share with you a photo tribute I did for Diarmuid. Here is a link: https://www.facebook.com/video/video.ph … 5584912132

Thank you for reading,
Deb
xxx

"The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." [Henri Nouwen]

Re: My husband's funeral and a photo tribute...

Deb thank you so very much for sharing this most intimate family life with us. What a charmer Diarmuid looks like he was a real loving man. I didn't see one picture where he did not have a full blown smile on his face and your children are absolutely beautiful! You had a lovely service and I think it is good to relive it as it was a beautiful memory albiet bittersweet. Hang in and be strong. honestly it does get easier with time.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: My husband's funeral and a photo tribute...

Deb,

The pictures are beautiful. You had a wonderful life together and I find it so heartbreaking that you had to lose him to this terrible cancer. I am sure he is right next to you every day helping you along. Bless you and your dear children, Deb. I am so glad we are now Facebook friends.

Love, -Pam

My beautiful daughter, Lauren Patrice, will live on in my heart forever.

My comments, suggestions, and opinions are based on my experience as a caretaker for my daughter, Lauren and from reading anything I can get my hands on about Cholangiocarcinoma. Please consult a physician for professional guidance.

Re: My husband's funeral and a photo tribute...

Oh My, Deb,

Thanks for sharing part of your family and life.  It was amazing.  Hang on to those memories.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: My husband's funeral and a photo tribute...

Dear Deb,

Thank you so much for sharing this with us all.

Hugs,

Gavin

Any advice or comments I give are based on personal experiences and knowledge and are my opinions only, they are not to be substituted for professional medical advice. Please seek professional advice from a qualified doctor or medical professional.

Re: My husband's funeral and a photo tribute...

Wonderful Deb_ Well done you putting that together!

Re: My husband's funeral and a photo tribute...

Lainy, Pamela, Darla, Gavin and CM, thank you all so much for your kind words.

Deb xxx

"The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." [Henri Nouwen]