Topic: My Lovely Sister
My sister has been in Hospice care for 3 weeks now, because she was doing some dangerous things at home in her increasingly confused state. Previously, she's improved very quickly on admission to Hospice for Symptom Control, but this time she hasn't; instead she has deteriorated rapidly whilst she's been in. She's deeply distressed and begging to come home, even though my house is woefully inadequate for her needs and I'm at risk of going under completely.
Something she said yesterday triggered a memory in me and I asked today if she's still being given the anti-depressants she's been on for many years. I'm aware I'm clutching at straws but the things she's saying (although they may be a result of medication, cancer or a gazillion other unrelated issues) reminded me strongly of things she said the last time she came of the anti-depressants.
The doctor told me they stopped all oral medication last week (abruptly and without consulting her carer [me], her family or her doctor) because of difficulties she has been having swallowing. The result is that she is in extreme physical and emotional distress at this crucial phase of her palliative care and I am screaming blue murder!!!
They've said they'll reinstate the prescription but that it will take 2 weeks to kick in again. I don't believe that will be the case with my sister, as the last time I got her back on them, she rallied within 48 hours. I know she's dying but she's not dead yet and I do NOT want her to go out crying in despair the way she is now. I can't control her death, or her life until her death, but I can and WILL do everything I can to help her leave peacefully, when her time comes.
I'm so angry ... and upset ... and distressed ... and hopeful ... and (yes) despairing myself ...
"When it gets dark enough, you can see the stars" - Lee Salk