Topic: Staying Strong!
I have read and continue to read everyone's posts and they keep me alive and strong.
My name is Christina and my Fiance was diagnosed with CC October 2006 at 29 years old. We have had a tough battle and continue to fight everyday. At first, the doctors told us the cancer was inoperable and to go home and enjoy the rest of his time with his family (can you believe that) I couldn't. I went home and starting searching for doctors. We were referred to Nicholas Nissen, M.D. at Cedars-Sinai Med. Center who took the chance on him. The surgery was performed Jan. 5 2007. The surgery took 16 hours (can you believe it?) The doctor came out after midnight and told us that the surgery went well and he was able to remove the entire tumor but had to remove over 70% of the liver so recovering was going to tell all. Well, after 4 months of infections and stress in the hospital Chucks was released and has been doing well every since with the occasional trip back to the hospital. We have had follow up cat scans that show no sign of cancer. The Dr. says he would do it all over because of Chucks survival. He is a miracle. I tell Chucks he should feel blessed that a Dr. would take a chance on someone else because of him. It almost makes me want to cry.
I am soooo happy but worry a lot. During surgery they pulled 13 lymph nodes. Two of them were positive... now, normally I think procedure would have been to perform surgery and within a couple of weeks start chemo to kill any cells left in the body but for chucks he was too busy fighting for his life. They couldn't do chemo because he would of died, he was just too weak. I am soo scared it will return and I am even more scared to express this to Chucks. I want so bad to be normal... you know? I hate that even though nothing is showing up on any cat scans... All I can think about is the cancer that might still return. I hate that it sometimes take me over and makes me feel helpless even now. I thank God that he has given me Chucks, my gift in life... LOVE. I am 23 and he is 30 years old. We were just starting our lives together and now I feel this uncertainty. We recently got engaged and I don't want to be left alone.
I feel like a bad person. So much good has happened and all I can dwell on lately (in the last couple of months) is the negative. I feel depressed and weak. I am scared to do the normal things that I should be happy about like getting married or having babies (can you believe that?) I am just scared to do it alone, to be without him.
I am sorry for the long intro! Thanks for reading.