Hello From Mississippi!!! (Page 2 of 2)

SENSITIVE: Brenda, I am reliving everything, right with you and of course it breaks my heart for you. You see, how they are still smart enough, with all that is happening to know just what to say when told they did something. Brenda, Teddy had that kind of agitation and I know it is not pleasant to watch. I would ask Hospice if they can try something else (ATIVAN DID NOT WORK FOR T) and how do we know some of it is not pain? I ask myself that all the time. On the other hand he may be fighting for something, like a certain visitor. Teddy bever fought the oxygen as it did make him feel better. Hospice has a booklet that describes what will be happening at several time frames and T followed it really closely. Don pulls out the oxygen and the last day for T, not saying Don is that close, he didn't even want his PJ's or sheets on. Guess he wanted to go as he came with nothing on. One sign of gettting close is picking at his clothes and covers. No one seems to know why some of them do that and of course talking to the beyond. Brenda, do NOT be afraid. It is a process and not to sound trite but my daughter and I felt privilidged to be a part of what we saw. One more thing. When the end is here there could be a loud chest rattle. I understand they have a patch for that now you might want to ask about that.     
If you don't mind, I would like to post a poem here I wrote about 5 days before T passed. Please do not read it if it will upset you but at that time I wanted to let my feelings out.

Time is growing closer, I can see it in his eyes,
Time is growing closer, but we’ll have no sad ‘goodbyes’.
Memories abound from our precious moments spent,
To God it is, I’m sending, the most “precious” package sent.

These last few months of knowing, we’ve made a honeymoon,
In my mind a vision of an eternal, beautiful afternoon.
He is still my charming Prince, who taught me how to love,
And someday we’ll be together, in Heaven up above.

I will see him riding stars, I will see him in the moon,
And someday you will see us dancing to our favorite tune.
He will touch my face so gently, like he’s known to do,
It’s not goodbye forever, with memories bad or few.

All our love, my sweet one, is ours to hold so tight,
Until once again together on a mystical, magic night,
We will be again united to celebrate our dance around the sun,
And know that our eternity together, has only just begun.

This was been a very tough 24 hrs. The love of my life of almost 33 yrs passed away on Saturday, May 19th somewhere between 3:40am and 6:30 am. He was having alot of problems  trying to breathe. His oxygen was increased to 4 but it didnt help. I told him @ 3:35am that we would be okay...that I understand that he's tire & we love him. It's so very hard when you have never dealt with taking care of all the arrangements. My family has a very good support system...I have wonderful friends & family. A friend is going to help with funeral arrangements tomorrow.
Don fought a very long 10 months to the day battle. A cure needs to be found so that other families dont have to go through this pain of losing a love one.

Eventhough he was only under Hospice care from Monday til Saturday..6 days...they made sure he was going to be hurting.

I am going to miss my best friend,lover and husband....don't know how I'm going to make it through this. I am sitting here crying ...I have loved him since the 1st day I saw him. It was love @ 1st site. Dont know when I will be able to step foot back in our bedroom...it brings me to tears when I just think about it.

My mind & heart are racing 90 to nothing. I'm just praying that I can sleep tonight.

Dear Brenda,

I am so sorry to hear of Don's passing. Please accept my sincerest condolences. I hope that time heals your pain and I pray for God to give you strength.

Love, -Pam

Hey it's me again.

Thanks for the thoughts & prayers. We buried Don on May 23rd and it was a beautiful funeral. I let our children pick the songs:
1. Heaven Was Needing a Hero
2. Live Like You Were Dying
3. Fat Bottom Girls....it was his favorite song....lol.
We had everyone there singing with the song. Everyone loved how we did it. I 've tried to sleep in our room but have only done it once...just not the same.
While we are trying to heal from his lost...I received a call on Friday,May 25th. It was a call that we didnt plan to get...his brother in Florida had died. Two deaths in the family in 6 days...not sure how to handle this.
I guess that ny body is trying to recupe from the last few weeks cause all i do now is sleep. It's hard each morning to get my eyes open so I sleep some more. Thankful that School is out for the summer and my 16 yr old passed his exams. He was promoted to the 11th grade with a 3.0 GPA. I am very proud of him.
Well getting off for now. Have alot to think about & to get done before leaving this next weekend for Florida. Please keep our family in your prayers.

Hi Brenda,  I was just reading through your posts and your story is very similar to mine. I lost my husband Doug last September 14th after being together over 35 years. I have 3 children, too. I am sorry you lost the love of your life, Don. Just wanted to let you know my heart goes out to you and your children. I am glad you have some good support. The days ahead will be a fog, but somehow we make it through. So sorry to hear of the loss of your brother in law as well. We wonder sometimes how life can be so cruel, but take comfort in the fact they are together again. One thing that helps me is believing Doug is in an awesome place, where there is no physical or emotional pain. I picture him saying " Wow, this is beautiful, wait till you get here!" You will laugh and you will cry. This is a tough journey we are on and not one of choice, but in some strange way I feel Doug helping me through like he always has. 
Hugs to you and your family. Nancy