Topic: How I miss you, my darling Anthony
Four years have gone by since you left me to struggle in this sad and lonely world without you. I don't think I'm getting much better at this struggle and I imagine that it will always be thus. I just get more used to this hollow feeling at the centre of my world.
In the last few days I have tried to remember some of the many happy times we spent together, instead of focusing on those terrible last days which I now find too unbearable to recall. Those happy times seem to be part of another world, almost like a dream.
This reminds me of a beautiful dream I had a few weeks ago when I was feeling very low. I suddenly saw you from behind and it was really you in every detail - your head, your hair, your back - such detail that I can never recall in real life. I called and called to you and suddenly I realised that you had heard me and I knew you were going to turn round. And you did..... and I saw your beautiful face once again and it was as though you were standing right in front of me. As you turned you looked at me and as you recognised me a wonderful, bright smile lit up your face. No words were spoken but for one brief moment it felt like you had come back to me and for that brief moment I felt a glimmer of happiness and it comforted me in the days and weeks that followed.
I miss you so much, darling, please try to find your way into my dreams again!
With all my love forever,
Music, when soft voices die,
Vibrates in the memory;
Odours, when sweet violets sicken,
Live within the sense they quicken.
Rose leaves, when the rose is dead,
Are heaped for the beloved's bed;
And so my thoughts, when thou are gone,
Love itself shall slumber on.
Percy Bysshe Shelley