Topic: Need advice on how to accept help from friends

Hi Everyone, we are fortunate to live in a wonderful neighborhood with many supportive friends. Each family has gone out of their way to help us financially, emotionally, and with food since my husband's diagnosis in January. We are deeply humbled by their love and generosity, and they have helped us keep our life as normal as possible for our kids. Now they have asked us if they can have a fundraiser dinner for us. We want to be good receivers, and we know how much they want to help us out, so we said yes. But, of course, we are soooo uncomfortable with people giving us money. We are doing ok despite reduced pay, etc. Though, who knows what other major expense could catch us by surprise? We could use some advice on how to accept/receive this wonderful gift and should we go to the dinner or make other plans?
P.S. My husband is doing well, switched to Folfox two weeks ago, and he is going back to work part-time soon. smile

Re: Need advice on how to accept help from friends

Dear SweetGreen,

I think it is wonderful that you have such great friends that want to do this for you. I know it is very hard to accept money from others.  People not only want to do this to help you, but it also makes them feel good doing such a nice thing for someone. I think you should definitely go to the dinner. Everyone would want to see you and they would probably be very disappointed if you didn't go. Some friends had a huge fundraiser for my daughter in Feb. with a silent auction and dinner. I could not believe how many people came. It was easier for us to accept because everything went to our daughter. Accept the gift graciously and save it for when you need it. You must be a wonderful family that would do the same for others. I am happy to hear that your husband is doing so well.  This is just my opinion of what I would do. I would respect whatever you decide. God bless.

-Pam

My beautiful daughter, Lauren Patrice, will live on in my heart forever.

My comments, suggestions, and opinions are based on my experience as a caretaker for my daughter, Lauren and from reading anything I can get my hands on about Cholangiocarcinoma. Please consult a physician for professional guidance.

Re: Need advice on how to accept help from friends

Dear Sweetgreen, this is just beautiful! What a great community you live in and you must be pretty wonderful too for them to want to do this. I would thankfully accept and I echo everything Pam said.  Go to the dinner and perhaps on your part you could download and print our brochures and hand them out so that everyone knows just what CC is all about.  Also glad to hear hubby is going back to work part time. Great news.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Need advice on how to accept help from friends

How wonderful you have such caring people in your lives!!  I know it is hard to accept help from others, but I think it is also hard for our loved ones to feel like they can't help us.

Take care!
Susie

Re: Need advice on how to accept help from friends

Thank you so much for sharing your perspectives. The first hand experience with being "showered" like this is so helpful to read about. We have been to many fundraisers for cancer causes after someone passes away, but this is our first for someone who is still in the thick of it. And it's a shock that it's us. I will definitely bring some brochures. Good idea! That will help me feel like I'm doing something. (Friends won't even let me bring a dessert to share)

Any advice on how we explain this to our kids? They will be joining us. Since Jeff has been relatively normal since March, they have kind of forgotten anything is wrong.

Re: Need advice on how to accept help from friends

To relate to the kids, I think you first have to explain that Cancer is a disease that could return and that this Fundraiser is being done for the family should the Cancer return. Truthful, short and sweet.  Kids understand more than you think. Oh, and make sure they understand what a wonderful thing the community is doing. Maybe they would like to make some CC signs to put around. I am so very pleased you are going to do the brochures.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Need advice on how to accept help from friends

I am a CC survivor and very grateful for being able to post that and very grateful for all that my family and friends did, but having medical insurance covers just so much, there is always deductables.... I was in the hospital at least 10 times before my transplant all adding to extra gas, fast food, hospital food, convience mart shopping, drugstore shopping... it all just stretches the budget and in our case never ends. We all know the stress money can cause so if your can family and friends can reduce that, let them. I have also learned (so many life lessons in cancer) that "until you walk a mile in there shoe" it doesn't make sense, I have a feeling that you would be the first doing a fund raiser for your friend if the situation was reversed!! Go to the party, enjoy there love and let them spoil you, it is the one thing they can do!!
Lots of prayers- Cathy