Topic: Urologist Appt

Well, I am filled with good news and yet still very upset.

A bit of background.. My Mom is not always the most pleasant person to be around. Our relationship has been strained in the past but the cancer has seemingly brought us closer together.  Mom can be a challenge to even be around on some days, nasty, negative and just not a nice person. This is how she has always been but today brought that to a whole new level.

We got to the appt and of course there were papers to be filled out. She was FURIOUS that they asked her to do that. I offered to do it but she get angry at me for asking and said NO. I opted to sit quietly and let her deal with things. You can probably imagine the reaction when they asked her for a urine sample... She snapped that poor nurse's head off and ripped the cup out of her hand and stomped off to the restroom. I was so shocked that I couldn't even speak.

So we go to the exam room and the nurse who was absolutely a dream!! So sweet and nice, begins to ask the normal questions. She asked what brought us in today. YIKES. Mom snaps at her and says Who the Hell even knows!  At this point a lightning bolt to my head would have been most welcomed.

We got through the preliminary questions, blood pressure, pulse etc which were perfect, and the nurse told us Dr would be in very shortly. Mom says He Better Be!! I am NOT wasting my time and money here all day!

No lightning bolt but the Dr did come in pretty quickly! (THANKFULLY)  He starts asking the normal questions and Mom was so rude and nasty be decided to talk to me.  (Can't blame him for that.) Anyway, he asked me what the oncologist was looking for as far as this visit. I explained that the right kidney has a tumor on it's pole and the left is inflamed and we just want to make sure there is nothing more underlying. He pulled up the CT scan images and sits between Mom and myself and goes over everything very thoroughly with us both. He thinks that the "tumor" on the right kidney may be a cyst (EXCELLENT NEWS) and that the left kidney's inflammation may be "normal" for Mom as it looks as if it MAY be a type of birth defect. ALL of this is such great news!  I figure this would make Mom happy but nope. It got worse from here. The poor doctor mentioned MAYBE doing another scan using nuclear contrast and Mom hit the roof! She never even heard him out, just yelled NO. NO MORE CONTRAST. NO. (background here, the barium contrast really, really exacerbated her bowel issues and she had several very embarrassing episodes during the last scan. I was so heartbroken to hear her crying from embarrassment. So I promised her never again would I allow ANY doctor to use barium again)

ANYWAY, I told her to please stop it that this test was completely different and there would be no barium, it is an IV drip. She still would not have any part of that.

We finally got to the point that this appointment was useless. The doctor was not even addressing her, or trying to as she was just being so stubborn. He asked me what I thought. I looked at Mom and I was honest with him. Mom has been through so much already, seen so many doctors and had so many tests, along with weekly chemo and blood work. I thought it would be best, as long as he agreed, to wait until her next set of scans, which are in early December, then compare all 3 sets and see if there is any changes. If not, then I am pretty sure she will tell him she will  not do anything further.

I must add, all of the kidney function tests have been normal. The whole reason behind this appt was to address the inflammation, and err on the side of caution as there is some kidney disease/cancer in her family.

SO, there is a follow up appointment made for January 10. Whether we go or not remains to be seen.

She was STILL absolutely furious and miserable and nasty when I got her home. I KNOW she is frustrated and so tired of doctors and medicines and chemo. I just don't know how to ease her temper on days like this.

I know this is long and probably sounds terrifyingly whiny. I am sorry, I just needed to get this off my chest and hope that maybe someone here has had a similar experience.

Thank you so much for listening.

Christine sad

Caring for my Mom and helping her win this battle.

Re: Urologist Appt

Hi Christine,

Wow! I almost don't know what to say. I know it is easy for others to offer advice about having patience and put yourself in her shoes, but sometimes it is really, really hard. I have not had the experience of having my daughter be grouchy to anyone other my husband, myself, and her boyfriend. You have a real pistol on your hands!! I give you credit for handling things. I know that since Lauren talked to a social worker, she understands that it is ok to be mad sometimes and understands she takes it out on us because we are the ones that will love her no matter what. She is really trying and has been much better lately. I am sure your Mom is just tired of everything, but she needs to understand these people are trying to help her. I think it would help you to speak with a social worker or other mental health care professional and ask them what you can do to deal with your Mom. I'm not sure by what you've said, if she would want to talk to someone. My heart goes out to you and your Mom. I hope things get better.

Love and hugs, -Pam

My beautiful daughter, Lauren Patrice, will live on in my heart forever.

My comments, suggestions, and opinions are based on my experience as a caretaker for my daughter, Lauren and from reading anything I can get my hands on about Cholangiocarcinoma. Please consult a physician for professional guidance.

Re: Urologist Appt

Thank you so much Pam. I am debating on calling my doctor for a referral to someone. This is so hard. I am trying to be supportive but WOW. Days like today are so difficult to handle.

Mom has ALWAYS been like this, even before the cancer so it's not really new to me. I think she is bipolar or manic or something but I have tried in the past to get her to see someone and almost got my head handed to me. Literally lol

I feel better just having been able to "talk" about today. I know that she will calm down and be alright in a day or so. Hopefully before chemo on Wednesday smile

Thanks so much for reading/listening. Hey at least it was good news from the doctor and that is what matters most~

Love and hugs Back!

Caring for my Mom and helping her win this battle.

Re: Urologist Appt

Christine, this is far from funny, however, there are times I wish I had the nerve to say things to certain people like your Mom does. Perhaps one of her Doctors could RX a little something to take the edge off. I know I see 3 Doctors for different things and sometime I feel I would like to chuck the whole thing and let the chips fall where they may! Unfortunately our loved ones get the brunt of it all. Not sure how Mom would take to a small dosage of something to help her relax. Oh, and before I forget, I know these cyst things need to be checked out but Teddy and I both got cycts on our kidney and lungs that seem to just come with age however we were always having them checked. Again, not funny but I just had a picture of you in a lions cage with a whip and a chair!


Re: Urologist Appt

LOL that pretty much sums it up!! A whip and chair may have come in handy as long as she did not get a hold of them!  (warped sense of humor, sorry smile

I wondered about asking for something to ease her nerves ( or maybe mine) but that's her other bone of contention; MEDICATIONS. She thinks she is on too many but in fact, she takes one pill for her diabetes and one for the edema. Along with her vitamins etc. But she has never, ever been sick in her life and now it seems that there is something new at every turn.

I just felt so bad for this new doctor and his staff~ Yikes, what a way to start a Monday!!

Caring for my Mom and helping her win this battle.

Re: Urologist Appt

Christine I love your sense of humor, mine is warped too. Where would we be if we couldn't laugh.  I do feel bad for both of you. Next visit to the Urologist take some cookies! What else makes it hard is when we reverse our roles and you have children (no matter the age) taking care of parents. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down, don't be afraid, there is always time out!


Re: Urologist Appt

Hi Christine,

Thanks for letting us know how things went today for you and your mum.!!! What can I say about your mum! You sure do have so much to deal with right now and I guess that that is saying it lightly! I can relate a very very small amount to what you are going through with your mum as my mum can be stubborn, real stubborn sometimes and has been for years. I have been my mums carer for many years, she has copd and I know that this is not easy for you at all. One thing I will say though, great that you have such a good sense of humour! Please do not lose that ever!

I know you say that you mum has always been this way, fair enough. And I can so understand you wanting something to calm your nerves, good idea perhaps. And from what you say, I'm guessing that getting more meds to calm your mum down is not going to be an option for you in reality?

So, just thinking out loud here really with this. But what if you were to give your mum a sort of ultimatum? Say something like, if you keep acting like this then you can deal with everything yourself. I know that that may sound a bit harsh, but then again, the way that she is treating you and others is also harsh! Was just a thought and my apologies if that is out of line here.

Also, I am glad to hear you say that talking about this here has been of help to you. Thats what we are here for!! Something else that may be of help to you is Dr Giles and he can be found here -

Perhaps it might be worth asking him a question on how to deal with everything and also your mum? He has helped many people and maybe he would be of use to you too?

And nah, your post is not terrifyingly long and not whingy at all! You never have to apologise for posts here. Come here, have a whinge and a moan if you want, no problems with that at all! After all, we are all here for each other no matter what and if you have anything at all you want to get off of your chest, you can do so here!!!!



Any advice or comments I give are based on personal experiences and knowledge and are my opinions only, they are not to be substituted for professional medical advice. Please seek professional advice from a qualified doctor or medical professional.

Re: Urologist Appt

Christine....what a day you had!