Topic: One month since his passing

Hard to believe that today is exactly one month since my husband passed away. It's been busy month and still not everything taken care of. Interesting, that throughout his illness, I was saying that it's been a rollercoaster ride. Seems that it's still is - just different type of rollercoaster....
I've been reading the series of booklets about grieving stages and processes and it recommends to join a grieving group or write a journal, but for me, adressing people here who have been through it and in a way - writing about it - what helps the most.
Had few "visits" from him - mentioned few days ago, that his night light in the bedroom was on few days ago, and then it was on almost every night since. I do know that at least twice my 6 years old turned it on, but it happened at least 5 times.
I wish I had a hidden camera to see how it happens!
Thanks for listening, Alla

Re: One month since his passing

Dear Alla, I cannot believe it is a month! It takes time to get everything in order just like it takes time to grieve. Sometimes I would think we were meant to take care of business as it takes our mind away from the grief for a bit. Yes, I also found that posting here was so much better for me than anything else, problem is I got addicted to it! I feel like you are all my family and friends because you all understand. Alla, Teddy picked one ceiling light out of 4 in the kitchen and that light would wink at me all the time. One day I was talking to his daughter and told her I wanted to move to an apartment. She was trying to talk me out of it. Joking, I said let me ask dad. I turned the light on and asked Teddy if I should move and darn if that light didn't wink at me. So, I moved and love my apartment! Everything will slowly get done as you learn to live our "new normal".

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: One month since his passing

Dear Alla, Glad you are getting "visits", they are comforting. Also I am so glad to hear you are getting the support you need on the board here.
The roller coaster, I'm afraid, lasts for awhile but sounds like you're hanging on pretty good. Sending positive thoughts to you and your family to help you through this most difficult of times. Hugs. Nancy

Loving my husband from afar.

Re: One month since his passing

Thank you, ladies. Wanted to tell you about interesting experience last night. Around 9 pm we heard an awful noise and at first I thought it was vacuum that my 6 years old must have turned on. He claimed he didn't and I discovered it was my husband's coffee pot making all this noise - the built-in coffee grinder was on (no coffee beans there). I noticed that programming button was on and found out that my oldest actually saw it on earlier, but didn't say anything. Well, I made a comment, that their dad wanted to make some coffee! My husband loved to drink a whole pot of coffee every morning - prior to his sickness. Lately he almost gave up coffee - since it didn't taste right to him. Anyway, after thinking about it, I realized that it must have been the cleaning lady who stopped by earlier that day, that accidently pressed on programming button. Still it was quite interesting! No night lights last night. I think one excitement per night is enough!

Re: One month since his passing

HaHa, that is a good story, Alla. Once Teddy got the hang of it he would come through our closet light or the kitchen ceiling light. There was one kitchen light he favored! Also look for the Television to go louder and softer. I think our Darla's husband liked a light on the garage if I remember correctly. Andie from UK had her Dad knocking on the front door to remind her Mum to lock it! Jen from Calgary has a little daughter who is visited by her Papa. Actually I told Jen that Teddy would be waiting for her Dad with a big table of food and the night before he passed he had a dream that he saw a big table of food. Teddy also told the Medium he was greeted by family and friends who were all at a big table. So just be alert and open and you will see!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: One month since his passing

Well, just had another "visit". This time there is no logical explanation to it at all. My husband's van suddenly started signaling - like a "panic" signal. Me and the boys were inside, absolutely nobody is next to the van. At first I thought it was my car and grabbed my keys on the way out. But get this - by the time I stopped next to his van to see if it's unlocked (it was not - completely locked on both sides), it stopped beeping all by itself, but the front light was still blinking. Made absolutely no sense to me. I got his keys, unocked it, started the van (keep forgetting to periodically do that to avoid dead battery) and set there for a few minutes. Locked it again, come home and was telling it my 6 years old with a comment - "How is it possible?", and he just simply answered - "It's dad". Earlier today I was telling my mom about all prior visits and she tried to justify it all with - "cat did it" or "cleaning lady did it", which I can accept, except for when his night light was coming on almost every night, then stopped, then started again. Why wasn't it happening this often before his passing? Plus every time it's his night light, not mine. Well - with the car - I don't know how is it physically possible, especially that it stopped beeping by itself, while light was still blinking. May be he was reminding me to start the car? Anyway - all of it making believer out of me for sure!

Re: One month since his passing

Oh, Alla, how exciting! I feel the beeping was to remind you and the blinking was his saying hello to you. Wow, he was really loud! I kind of chuckle to myself that until they get the hang of this stuff it's like they are experimenting! One suggestion to you as it appears you are going to have him around a lot. Start a log (I did) and date each visit with a small paragraph of what happened. Save it to your computer and on days when you feel lonely just read it. It has really helped me. Which reminds me I never recorded Thanksgiving in my log...so thank you! I have had 55 "visits" in almost 2 years. Doesn't matter who believes as long as you do and apparently your 6 year old does too which may even comfort him. I LOVE it, keep the stories coming! THink of it this way. Our boys loved us so much they need to show us they are watching over us!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: One month since his passing

Thank you, Lainy. I need to start recording it, but hadn't so far. It seems with the rate it's going I'll "beat" your 55 visits soon! Lol. Just kidding... My 6 years old today told me that he saw his dad in a dream last night and that he wasn't sick. I've read from others that often we still dream about them being sick and for me it's been the case, except couple of times so far. I guess it's because I still relieve those last few days in my memory and a lot of those memories are not easy. Thinking about it before bed probably influences my dreams...

Re: One month since his passing

OMG, Alla, I don't believe the 6 yr old was dreaming I believe Dad was there as I had 2 dreams about Teddy but months later and realized after that he was really there. Once I was laying in the crux of his arm and we didn't talk. He looked beautiful! His face glowed. Finally I asked him if he was happy and he said yes and it's beautiful here. I woke up in the morning in that same position! Another time I was having a pity party and the tears were just falling down my face. I was feeling so bad with being sick and I said, where are you? In seconds I felt a reassuring pressure on each arm and then on each leg. I fell asleep with a smile on my face. I am so happy that your little guy feels all this as it will real;y help him get through. I do hope your visits beat mine and I do love hearing about them.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.