Topic: Coping with my dads diagnosis..

Hi my name is Kristin, im 23 years old. My dad, 57, has CC.

On Oct.16th my dad was diagnosed with adenocarcinoma. Primary was unknown. He went for more testing and a second opinion and the primary location was found to be in the bile ducts. The mass on his liver is 11x7 cm. He is in stage 4.Yesterday we went to the Dana Farber Institute in Boston for a 3rd opinion and was told that surgery would not be an option.

I asked the doctor what the prognosis and range of life expectancy he would have at this point. After he told us, Im not even sure if I should have asked the question. My dad has always been an otherwise healthy man. He's so handsome and looks so young and is walking around normal so Im having a hard time understanding how this is happening and how he has been given such a short time frame.

The doctor told him his next step is to decided if he want to start chemo as a method of prolonging life or not.

Im here because I don't know how to cope with this and I dont know where else to turn. I am now talking to my dad and family about things I cant even believe we have to talk about. I dont want to look at my alive and healthy dad and plan and prepare for what i cannot believe is happening.  everyone on this site seems so positive, so Im very sorry for such a negative post. I just feel like I am not going to be able to get through this. I need help, All I do is think about him and cry and pray that this isnt real. It cant be.

Re: Coping with my dads diagnosis..

Kristin,

I know exactly how you feel.  My mom (79) was diagnosed in June.  Although she is older than your dad, she was the most vibrant, active 79 year old.  The diagnosis is devastating and sometimes it is hard to accept.  My mom is also not a candidate for surgery.  Yes, chemo can prolong life and for someone who is a planner, this has been an eye opening experience to take things day by day and enjoy every moment.

I have gotten a lot from this forum.  There are many people who are surviving way longer than anyone expected.  Unfortunately, there are many who fight real hard and succumb to this awful disease.  Honestly, I believe it is in God's hands.  As long as your dad wants to fight, you need to support him. 

FOr my mom, the chemo thus far has made her feel better.  Her jaundice is gone, her pain is gone and her appetite is back.  The chemo makes her very tired, but it is a small price to pay.

It will take a while for you to come to terms with this change.  I cannot say that I am always so positive.  I still feel cheated, as many on this board do.  But, if anything, I have hope.  I am thankful for each milestone. 

There are many on this board who will say that we do not come with an expiration date stamped on our foot.  This has been my new motto. 

Take care,
Lauren

Re: Coping with my dads diagnosis..

Kristin…My heart goes out to you and your family.  I can’t think of a more difficult time then knowing that our loved one will leave us. How do we cope with our fear, disbelief, anger, depression and denial and the pain of knowing what is to come?   There is no easy answer, dear Kristin however; you can be assured that there will be many moments of valuable time to spend together.  And this so precious time, dear Kristin, eases the pain, soothes the heart, and allows for moments cherished forever. 
Our Dr. Giles spoke of celebrating the relationship, to go through pictures, focus on the love and respect we have for each other, and not to be afraid of shedding tears during this process. There is not specific protocol rather, at times you may just want to listen or sit in silence together and cherish the connection.
You may also want to speak with a bereavement counselor who will help you understand your feelings and who understands the magnitude of loss you already are experiencing. 
Writing in a journal can be therapeutic too, as it can help release pent-up grief and stress.  Writing will allow you to jot down whatever is on your mind – things you may be uncomfortable in speaking out loudly. 
Most of all know that it is time to reach out to those you love and trust. 
My heart is with you,
Hugs,
Marion

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER

Re: Coping with my dads diagnosis..

Dear Kristin, welcome to our extraordinary family but sorry you had to join us. We all understand how you feel as in the beginning you think you were hit in the stomach with a baseball bat but I promise you once a decision is made to have treatment your fright will turn to fight. It sounds like your Dad has already developed a positive and good attitude and you are going to have to be very, very strong. We do have members who were given months and are still on this board after years. We don't believe in time lines. Everyone reacts different to CC and the best is to have a good ONC who has dealt with other than a few CC patients. If surgery is not an option you do still have chemo and if that can bring the tumor down in size who knows what may follow. Right now you find 'talking' about this is upsetting but I feel talking is always the best way to deal with this situation. It allows Dad to take charge of his life and it allows the family to take care of their concerns. You are not alone, we are all here for you. You never need to apologize for anything you post here, of course you are upset who wouldn't be. We have Dr. Giles at the top of the Home page and you cn send questions to him about what to do to get through. I know for sure that you will be hearing from our members with some good suggestions for you. Please do keep us updated on your Dad, we really care!

THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME! Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Coping with my dads diagnosis..

Kristin,

I am so so sorry to hear about your father.  I was 54 when i was diagnosed with CC and consider my self one of the lucky ones that had it caught at an early stage.  My main fears and sadness about having this disease centered around my 2 daughters.  How could I leave them without a mother.  I know they are strong, independent woman, but it seemelfee tamilg%p valuhare goiat to leave hope. w forabout your ncy he e you time to sinot comeut to yove to talkeve iyer, at fearseor sure tha tham and crlmy 2t comepport him.&Iof all knowmellogotten e="GeCoping withy 2 daughters.&Wehs and are min spem oon es to CC a to es wouldn&#st thomach wdirsp; The dia.istin,

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Re: Coping with my dads diagnosis..

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Kristin,

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Re: Coping with my dads diagnosis..

Kristin,

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Takh thise doi>l oee . not. Hugs,Darlaanare!

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Re: Coping with my dads diagnosis..

Hi

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5 Kristin97292

Re: Coping with my dads diagnosis..

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5

Re: Coping with my dads diagnosis..

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THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME! Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

5

Re: Coping with my dads diagnosis..

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5

Re: Coping with my dads diagnosis..

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5

Re: Coping with my dads diagnosis..

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5 Kristin97292

Re: Coping with my dads diagnosis..

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5

Re: Coping with my dads diagnosis..

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5

Re: Coping with my dads diagnosis..

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THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME! Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

5

Re: Coping with my dads diagnosis..

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THANSHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THELADVICE OF>THAYOPHYSICIAN YOOTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CAREOPROVIDERdance.

Re: Coping with my dads diagnosis..

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Re: Coping with my dads diagnosis..

Hi

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Re: Coping with my dads diagnosis..

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5

Re: Coping with my dads diagnosis..

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Re: Coping with my dads diagnosis..

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