1 Topic by robpoppy (edited by robpoppy Mon, 10 Dec 2012 16:42:34)

  • From: La Mesa, Ca US
  • Registered: Wed, 05 Dec 2012
  • Posts: 5

Topic: New Dont understand at times!

Hi my name is Martina, & I recently started doing more research & came across this site. Here a lil about myself I am surviving daughter of my daddy that unfortunatley lost his 9week battle with this cancer on Octiber 8,2010. It has been a tough road. My daddy was a 67 yrs old healty (high blood pressur, type 2 diabetes) but overall healthy, saw his primary DR on a regular basis. Prior to being diagnosed he had seen his dr 1 week before that all tests (including liver), came back negative. So needless to say when he turned jaundis on us a week later & i took him to his Dr & tests came back positive for TUMOR & stage 3 we were all shocked, in disbelief, etc. The next p wks were much of a blur I was busy going from dr to dr to specialist traveling to Los Angeles from San Diego, Ca. to see specialist where we finally had hope after being turned down repeatedly for surgery, this Dr said he would but needed to get rid of yellow first & he needed to get stronger ( by now he was tired & weaker (this was month later)), he found a room available in the oncology dept.& was admitted, jaundis a stint was placed 4 days later & immediatley yellow began to disappear, ( San Diego was unsucessful at this attempt). My space running out will continue later. I just people who understand & try & give me answers. RIP DADDY FOREVER MISS YOU!

  • Lainy
  • Lainy
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  • From: Phoenix AZ
  • Registered: Fri, 13 Jan 2006
  • Posts: 8,201

Re: New Dont understand at times!

Martina, welcome to our remarkable family and very sorry to hear about your Father. Martina, we don't really understand either. All we know is that CC just  kind of sneaks up on you and you may not get any warning signs at all. You did all you could do, please do not look back and think you could have done more. Think about all your good memories and honestly in time they will over take the bad ones. We carry on, we move forward and we try to be very happy as that is what our loved ones would want us to do.

By Mary Elizabeth Fry
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain,
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.
  • From: La Mesa, Ca US
  • Registered: Wed, 05 Dec 2012
  • Posts: 5

Re: New Dont understand at times!

Lainy thank you so much for your kind words, i especially liked your poem its similar to the one i had for my dad on his card (but in spanish). Yes i do live & smile because that is what Dad would have wanted, our faith is what gotten us thru everything. sometimes i just feel everything happened so fast we did not have enough time but at the same time i am grateful that we were able to be by his side till his last breath & we were able to say I Love U & we hae amazing memories. He left behind a great legacy, My mother (his wife ), myself & a sister, & 3 brothers, & 10 granchildren,.

  • From: Wisconsin
  • Registered: Sun, 07 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 1,990

Re: New Dont understand at times!

Dear Martina,

I would like to offer my sincere condolensces on the loss of your dad to CC.  My story is much like yours except that it was my husband.  He died a little over 4 years ago after only 7 weeks.  Much like your dad.  He seemed generally in good health and had been to his doctor recently.  This disease just seems to sneak up on you silently.  Jim was only 62. 

At times I feel like you do that it all went too quickly and we needed more time.  Now I can say I am glad he atleast did not suffer for a long time.  We were also at his side when he passed.

We all do the best we can do with what we are given.   Try to remember the good times and keep your dad with you forever in your heart and those memories.  He is at peace and no longer suffering.

Take care.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"
  • From: La Mesa, Ca US
  • Registered: Wed, 05 Dec 2012
  • Posts: 5

Re: New Dont understand at times!

Darla,
Thank you for your love & hugs. I too am sincerely sorry for your loss, but as you like your husband the one thing that does console me is knowing he did not suffer for long. Also comforting to me because of our faith my daddy (only 67) accepted what ever GOD had chosen for him. I remeber him saying to me "Mija I love you, I do not want to leave you but but if this is what God wants I my time has expired on this earth then I shall join him" & for that I am grateful.  But as I say to everyone the human being I am "misses him soo much" I can't bare it some time. He was not only my daddy, he was my best friend, confidant, he would just listen unconditionaly. And being a single mother of 2 he was also my childrens father figure, he helped me with them from the time they were born. So needless to say they were devasted, (my daughter 21 at the time) closed her self off from everyone for 9 months (shes k now) she wont talk much of him, but is better. My son (16 at the time) was angry. So I think all this has made it even more difficult. But I am t6hankful for all the great memories. Sorry if i wrote so much, I just need someone who understands what I am going thru. Thank you for allowing me to vent.
smile Have a Beautiful Day!

  • Gavin
  • Gavin
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  • From: Scotland - Dundee
  • Registered: Tue, 23 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 4,831

Re: New Dont understand at times!

Dear Martina,

Welcome to the site. Although I am sorry that you had to find us all and I am sorry also that your first post here is about the passing of your father. My condolences to you and I know how you feel as I too lost my dad to this cancer. It is good that you have joined us all here as I am sure that you will find much support form those who know how you feel and what you are and have been through. I so wish that we had all the answers but we don't. But what we do have is a ton of support for you and many many ears that will listen when you feel like venting. So come here, vent away and write as much as you want to. We are here for you and we understand.

Hugs,

Gavin

  • From: La Mesa, Ca US
  • Registered: Wed, 05 Dec 2012
  • Posts: 5

Re: New Dont understand at times!

ok well here I am again just needing to say i have been crying & crying my eyes out the past days, I know it is because of the holidays & my daddy loved spending Christmas with all the kids & grandchildren & dressing up as Santa was one of his favorites he used to say "he loved looking a lil ones faces" & seeing those eyes just flutter with excitement made it all worth while..But oh how I miss him. As the days have turned into 2 years its hard to believe, they say it gets easier but I say u just learn to live cause you have to. Because there are days that I just want to lay & hope this was all a bad dream, but I know it is not, it is just me missing him,. When I want someone to talk to I forget I cant run to him as i did my entire life. There are days im still angry he is gone, is this still normal? after 2 years.. Once again i needed someone to listen that understood. I hope & pray everyone is good..

Hugs

Martina

  • From: Hilton, New York
  • Registered: Fri, 15 Jan 2010
  • Posts: 677

Re: New Dont understand at times!

Martina,

I am so very sorry about your dear dad.  There is no "normal" when it comes to grieving.  Most people have good days and bad days, days when they think of their loved one and are sad and days when they think of them and smile.  It's just important to be kind to yourself and don't give yourself a timetable to "get over" your grief.

I hope you were able to enjoy the holidays and I also hope the new year helps heal some of your sadness.

-Randi-

Survivor of breast cancer (1994), thyroid cancer (1999), cholangiocarcinoma (2009).

My comments, suggestions, and opinions are based only on my personal experience as a cancer survivor. Please consult a physician for professional guidance.
  • From: Lakewood,California United Sta
  • Registered: Thu, 27 Sep 2012
  • Posts: 21

Re: New Dont understand at times!

Hello Martina,

I'm so sorry about your loss. I too lost my father seven years ago to brain cancer.Now I'm going through something similar with my wife Gingers CC.
Nobody can ever be prepared for something like this,when it just happens when you least expect it.It never goes away but it does get easier as time goes by.I also get very emotional during the holidays and I usually take time off by myself for an hour or two to grieve for my father.

One of my co-workers just lost her mom a couple of months ago and it hurt me to see her grieve.I wanted to something for her and one night while surfing the web,I came across this book and I bought it for her.The books title is Motherless Daughters.Now as I read your post I looked some of them up and this is what I came across with.

-On Grieving The Death O A Father.
-When Parents Die:A Guide For Adults.
-Fatherless Daughters.
-Fatherless Women.

This are just a few of them and there are many more. I certainly hope this help you.And I'm sure you where a great daughter to your father. Good Luck and stay strong.

Hugs,
Gerardo and Ginger.

  • From: Wisconsin
  • Registered: Sun, 07 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 1,990

Re: New Dont understand at times!

Dear Martina,

I, like so many others on here totally understand what you are saying and feeling.  And yes, it is normal.  Everyone deals with these situations in their own way and time.  After over 4 years, I still have my bad days.  Especially at times like this, the holidays.  I don't think it ever really ends, we just learn to live with these feelings and go on the best we can.

Jim & I met when I was 15 and were together pretty much 24/7 for most of our 45 years together.  Now having to learn to live and go on doing the same things we did together for so long alone takes time.  Some days I think I do very well and others are not so good, but I just do the best I can day by day, taking one day at a time.  Hoping that you too will be able to do this more & more as time goes by.

Keep coming here as we are all ready and willing to listen.  Sometimes, just getting those feelings out  and sharing them helps. Take care and know I am thinking of you and truely understand.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"