feel like im going crazy

Oh, Lynn, you are perfectly normal. Like Marion says, the deeper we loved the harder the grief. It is going to take time but I promise you in time the best memories will overtake the bad ones. Keep sitting in the recliner especially if it brings you comfort. I used to spray Teddy's cologne around and slept hugging his pillow. We all understand here and we are all here for you. Sending you a ton of hugs and love.

Sweet Lynn,
So many of us who have truly loved another person can so identify with the terrible hole in your heart.  I too kept replaying the end times of my darling's transition for a long time and then over time (a very long time) I realized that all the happier, more joy-filled times starting taking over.  For whatever reason we have to travel through this grief and we do come out somewhat stronger.  The hole will never go away - why should it, we had a fantastic life together.  But you start to feel gratitude for being one of the fortunate souls that was able to experience such love. I hold you in healing energies and prayers.
Peace be,
Karen

Dear Lynn,

I so know and understand what you are feeling and going through.  Unfortunately it is a process that all of us who have lost someone we loved has or are still going through. 

I totally agree with all that Karen posted above.  She said it well.  Right now I am sure it is hard for you to imagine that the pain will ever lessen, but it is true that in time the good memories that we are so lucky to have will help to easy some of the pain.  And yes, although none of this is easy, it does make us stronger.

We are all here to help & support you so please keep posting your thoughts and feelings.  Sometimes just being able to share honestly with others who truely understand does help.

With Lots of Love & Hugs,
Darla

Thank you everybody,just wanted to let everybody know some things that happened since i posted last,well,i was doing some cleaning,just going through some totes we had,i had no clue what was in them,then i found pictures of george from years befor he got sick,wow,what a good feeling i got,i do believe i was led to that tote..Another thing,at 12:30 this morning,i was watching a movie,sitting in georges recliner,when all of the sudden i got this overwhelming urge to pop a bag of pop corn,thats not the strange part,the thing is,i CANT STAND pop corn,never really had a taste for it,could;nt even stand to be in the same room when it was popping,the smell just took my breath away,like asma,i could only think,ok,george loved his popcorn,especially while watching movies,and he was here with me and wanted some,yes,i did pop it and i ate the WHOLE bag....I guess my George got hungry...and ate through me..much love and hugs. lynn

Lynn,

What a great story.  Thanks for sharing.  I too am a believer and often get signs from Jim.   Always good to hear that others have had these experiences too.  They truely are all around us if we are sensitive enough to notice and yes it is comforting and helps keep us going.   If that's crazy, so be it.  It works for me. 

Love & Hugs,
Darla

Wow, do I identify with the last week you had with your husband.  It has been 7 months since I lost my husband and I have many times that the last day of his life goes through my mind like a dvd also.  The picture I can't get out of my mind is his last breath.  At the time I was so relieved for him because he wouldn't suffer anymore.  I try to keep that thought which is rational, but many times the emotional takes hold of me.

I found pictures of him on our computer when he was healthy and so good looking. I even went through pictures of us in college.  We were so young. That really helped.  I have also had dreams where he ends up hugging me.  I wake up and thank him for that.  What I miss are the hugs. 

I am told it will get easier.  I thought these people were crazy, but I have to admit with time I am learning to be alone. I know things will never be normal again, but I must go on for my grandkids.  That is the only thing that keeps me going.  We widows must walk this walk and find a way to go on.  I haven't figured that out yet, but time does help.

I haven't been on this site for a while. My mom has been gone almost a year now.  We had 6 months from her getting sick (we had no idea she was sick until the jaundice started) until she died. Things happened so quickly that we
never had a chance to really soak in what was happening.
Reading this post was like I had written it myself.  I also find myself watching the dvd, in my mind,  of the last couple of days.  I have the same questions about if we did everything we could for her?  Was she scared at the end? 
The "firsts" have been hard (first Mother's Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas) and with the first anniversary approaching I am visiting those last days more frequently. 
I am very relived to hear that I am not the only one that asks the questions and I am looking forward to the day when once again seeing her picture or hearing her name will do nothing but make me smile.

Lynn, good, good, good! Wow, a 22 hour train ride, what fun! I haven't been on a train in, oh, about 40 years! Have a wonderful time and honestly it's always nice to have "new ears" to talk to about George. And if the tears flow, let everyone know, it's OK they are happy tears. Have a wonderful trip.

Lynn, why would George call you when he is right there with you? I really believe something is going to happen on this trip to prove to you that George is there. Like, how could you see him everywhere if he was not there in some form? I hope you can enjoy your time with your Sister, all time is precious.

Oh, Lynn, I have happy tears for you, what a wonderful Anniversry gift George gave you! I do believe you have turned your first corner and I think you are amazing. And to you George.....keep those visits coming!

When a cancer hits at the speed of lightening as it so happened with my mother, it’s very difficult to come to terms with the devastation of an almost sudden death.  CC took my mother's life in 8 weeks from time of diagosis.

I also keep replaying the last few days of my mother's life over and over in my mind.  It's only been 7 weeks since she passed away.  I feel my mother's spirit with me and sometimes talk to me through my mind.  I miss hearing her voice every morning. 

I'm upset to hear people say that I should go to a grief support group or counseling, as it makes me angry!  Everyone grieves their own way and I prefer not to go to conseling, so I wish people would stop suggesting it, even though I'm aware that they're only trying to help.  On the other hand, I also feel like people don't want to hear about my grief and prefer that one shares it with their therapist or that one should just get over it soon.  Well that's not going to happen. 

Is it normal to repeatedly have split second moments that make us realize that our loved one is no longer with us?  That's what hurts the most for me.

I am comforted when I feel my mother with me and when I look at her picture, which her kind eyes are looking straight at me.