I am so glad to hear that physically you are doing well and that you recognize that you need help with your mental health. Sounds like you are doing the right things to get through this time.
As far as why you and not others...that is a question that no one can answer. I ask myself the same thing at times, but I just have to accept that this is part of a bigger plan.
Worrying about recurrence is normal, but letting it keep you from enjoying the moment is probably not good. Seeing a counselor is a great idea and anti-depressants should be helping you. If they are not, if the tigers and endless questions do not stop, you may want to ask for another medication. There are many and not all of them work for all people, but there is one out there that should help you.
I want you to know that I am here for you. Please feel free to contact me by email (email@example.com). I would love to hear from you.
Thinking of you and sending lots of hugs.
Survivor of cholangiocarcinoma (2009), thyroid cancer (1999), and breast cancer (1994).
My comments, suggestions, and opinions are based only on my personal experience as a cancer survivor. Please consult a physician for professional guidance.