• From: Henderson, Nevada, USA
  • Registered: Mon, 11 Jun 2012
  • Posts: 28

Topic: 2-13-13

I dreaded the day I would have to create this post.


My father lost the fight to CC. He was diagnosed May 5, 2012 and had been a soldier.  He tried two different clinical trials ( over 18 rounds of chemo).  Nothing worked. He was offered another but in the side effects section it discussed HORRIBLE possibilities of what may come of his body for only a 10% success rate.   It was a difficult decision not to be part of the clinical trial because he thought he was giving up. 

He wasn't.  He fought SO hard.  He lost over 100 pounds from his 6'3" 265 lbs. frame.  My dad became so weak he fell, hit his head and had to have 3 stitches.  He had two deadly blood clots at the beginning of his fight which caused him to have to administer a shot to himself every night.  My father was such an amazing man. He was strong, tough, funny, dedicated to his family, jobs, and my mother.   

We went home to visit him for Christmas.  It was the last time I saw him awake and lucid.  We all sat down and had a conversation about why he wasn't participating in the clinical trial  and what he wanted for his death arrangements.  It was the saddest moment of my life.  He was dying and there was nothing I could do.  He seemed so sad, so depressed and so helpless but tried to stay strong for us.  He told us how wonderful we were as his daughters and that we made him so proud.  He told us to continue to be who we are and always fight (like he did).  We all cried.  Hugging him for the the last time and saying my last goodbye was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.  I can still feel his hug, his bones sticking out from the nasty CC and hear his voice telling me, "I'm sorry I have to leave you so early."

He entered hospice because he was becoming so weak and didn't want to die at home.  While at hospice he was comfortable.  Some days he didn't understand why he was there and others he was content with it. He entered into a coma on the night of the 11th.  My mom held the phone up to his ear so I could tell him I love him and that he could go.  He could stop fighting.  On February 13, 2013 at 4 p.m. he went to heaven.

I'm so angry. So sad. He was young, perfectly healthy and had many years in front of him.  I hated seeing my dad, the warrior, fall down at the feet of this disease.  It didn't matter how hard he fought, it fought harder.  He was so strong and tough.  Even on the worst days he would tell me he was ok.

I want my daughter to know him.  She loved her Papa so much.  My daughter is only two but all she asks for is Papa.  It breaks my heart.  He was such an amazing man. 

My family has lost such a great man.  I worry for my mom.  Last year at this time we were planning a trip to Florida to see them (they're snowbirds) for their 40th wedding anniversary and this year we are planning to attend his funeral.  She's strong but she has lost her husband, soul mate, life-time best friend and all the other things he was to her.  It makes my heart hurt.

My husband, daughter and I will travel home this week for his memorial service.  He didn't want a funeral.  After, there will be a party, just like my dad wanted it.  He wanted food and beer.    Gosh, I wish he was going to be there. 

God Bless you all in this fight. 

Suzy

  • Lainy
  • Lainy
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  • From: Phoenix AZ
  • Registered: Fri, 13 Jan 2006
  • Posts: 8,218

Re: 2-13-13

Dearest Suzy, what a beautiful tribute to your Dad and please know he WILL be there celebrating his life with his family. I do know what you are feeling now but also please know that down the road your precious Memories will take over and get you through. Please accept my humble prayers and thoughts to you and your family.
Your daughter will know her Papa through you, I know that for sure as I saw it with my Grandkids.

Letter from Heaven  by Ruth Ann Mahaffey

To my dearest family some things I'd like to say
But first of all to let you know that I arrived okay,
I'm writing this from Heaven. Here I shall dwell with God above
Here, there's no more tears of sadness. Here is just eternal love.
Please do not be unhappy because I'm out of sight
Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through
God picked me up and hugged me and He said "I welcome you,
It's good to have you back again,
you were missed while you were gone,
As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.
God gave me a list of things that he wished for me to do
And foremost on the list was to watch and care for you
And when you lie in bed at night, the days chores put to flight
God and I are closest to you . . in the middle of the night.
When you think of my life on earth and all those loving years
Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears
But do not be afraid to cry, it does relieve the pain
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.
One thing is for certain though my life on earth is o'er
I'm closer to you now than I ever was before.
There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb
Together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
When you're walking down the street and you've got me on your mind
I'm walking in your footsteps, only half a step behind
And when it's time for you to go . . from that body to be free
Remember you're not going . . you're just coming here to me.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.
  • From: California
  • Registered: Mon, 20 Aug 2012
  • Posts: 274

Re: 2-13-13

Dear Suzy,
I wish I had the words to comfort you in your loss.  I'm sending you send my sincerest condolences on the loss of your strong, loving Dad (and special Papa to your daughter).  Peace be with you and your family.
Willow

Willow
  • From: Wisconsin
  • Registered: Sun, 07 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 1,990

Re: 2-13-13

Dear Suzy,

Your post has touched me deeply.  I am so sorry you have lost your dear dad.  No words can help the pain and grief right now, but try to take comfort in the fact that he is no longer suffering and is in a better place.  He wil be with you
at the party celebrating his life and will also be with you forever in your heart and memories.  Keep him alive that way for your daughter, too.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this sad and trying time.  Take care.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"
  • From: Uniontown, Ohio
  • Registered: Fri, 23 Sep 2011
  • Posts: 1,488

Re: 2-13-13

Dear Suzy,

I am so sorry to hear of your Dad's passing. Please try and find comfort in that your Dad is now in heaven watching over you and your family. My heart is with you as you mourn the loss of your brave, strong warrior. May he rest in peace.  Please try and enjoy the party your Dad wanted to celebrate his life.

Love,
-Pam

Hoping for a miracle for my daughter, Lauren.

My comments, suggestions, and opinions are based on my experience as a caretaker for my daughter, Lauren and from reading anything I can get my hands on about Cholangiocarcinoma. Please consult a physician for professional guidance.

Pamela's Website

  • Gavin
  • Gavin
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  • From: Scotland - Dundee
  • Registered: Tue, 23 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 4,832

Re: 2-13-13

Dear Suzy,

I am so very sorry to hear of the passing of your dear Dad. Please accept my sincere condolences. I wish there was something that I could say that would help right now as I know the pain you feel, I too lost my dad to this cancer. Please know that we are all here for you and my thoughts are with you and your family right now.

Hugs,

Gavin

  • From: Hilton, New York
  • Registered: Fri, 15 Jan 2010
  • Posts: 681

Re: 2-13-13

Dearest Suzy,

I am so sorry to hear about your father's passing.  He was so lucky to have a daughter that thought the world of him.  My condolences.

-Randi-

Survivor of breast cancer (1994), thyroid cancer (1999), cholangiocarcinoma (2009).

My comments, suggestions, and opinions are based only on my personal experience as a cancer survivor. Please consult a physician for professional guidance.
  • From: New Bern, North Carolina
  • Registered: Tue, 30 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 682

Re: 2-13-13

Dear Suzy,

What a loving tribute to an amazing man, husband, father and grandfather.  You will be an amazing legacy he leaves behind. 

It's so hard to lose a parent.  I lost my Mom to this monster April 3, 2009.  Be kind and gentle to yourself as you begin the grieving process.  It's the hardest job we ever have and no two people will grieve in the same timeframe or manner.

Come back here often as you continue on this part of the journey.  We are all here for you and somebody is ALWAYS awake on here!

Hugs and prayers to you and all of your family,

Pam

My Mom lost her one year battle with CC on April 3, 2009.

"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is.  Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.