• From: New Orleans
  • Registered: Sat, 15 Sep 2012
  • Posts: 14

Topic: My Dad's Passing

It has been 2 months since my Daddy passed away.  We lost him on December 24th.  I hadn't been able to even write about it but I wanted to share the news here since so many of you were so kind in guiding us during his illness.
He left this world in a peaceful way. I was sitting next to him reading, listening to that terrible rattle that happens at the end, when it was just quiet. Silly me, I jumped up and hugged him and said " Daddy, you aren't breathing!"..I was the only one in the room when it happened. Funny thing is, even though my Mom NEVER left his side during the whole thing, she had left maybe 10 minutes earlier to the store with my neice.  My sister called my neice to bring Grandma back home.
There are still so many questions and what ifs which I'm sure some of you here who have lost your loved ones to this illness also have. Just yesterday I kepth thinking all day what if we would have taken him to another hospital in another city sooner? What if the doctor who removed his gallblatter 2 years earlier had seen something in his bile duct? Thankfully, my husband is very good at providing me comforting words and then recalling some funny story about my Dad.  I miss him so much. We talked every day. He was such a good Dad and person overall. Thank you to everyone.

  • Registered: Fri, 15 Oct 2010
  • Posts: 1,735

Re: My Dad's Passing

Hi,
sorry to hear the passing of your Dad.
There are no "What if" you should regret . Everyone has his/hers book to write and that is including your father.
But one thing is very clear if I were you, I will pay a lot of attention to my health,especially if I had family history related to the GI systems. Try to ask the doctors to give you a prescription and get an inexpensive ultra sound  to look at the GI system (gallbladder pancrease and the liver etc.) for you as well as for your sister and family for members over 45. This may be the message your father had sent to you all the time.
God bless.

Please know that my personal opinion is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. If  provided, information are for educational purposes.Consult doctor is a MUST for changing of treatment plans.
  • Lainy
  • Lainy
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  • From: Phoenix AZ
  • Registered: Fri, 13 Jan 2006
  • Posts: 8,213

Re: My Dad's Passing

Dear Marinmommy, all the thoughts you are having are perfectly but sadly normal. Please do not second guess yourself as with this crazy monster CC we really don't know much and that is about all we know. You were at your Dad's side for the terrible journey and I am sure he was so proud of how you handled everything. It was a blessing that he went so peacefully and know that he is all around you! Keep talking to him, he loves it! One day we hope to have the answers, oh my how we pray for that day. Until then, try to feel your Dad around you, it works! The most important thing is your Dad would want you to be very happy and let the beautiful Memories overtake the CC that was.

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain,
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.                   By Mary Elizabeth Frye

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.
  • From: Uniontown, Ohio
  • Registered: Fri, 23 Sep 2011
  • Posts: 1,488

Re: My Dad's Passing

Dear Marinmommy,

I am sorry to hear your Dad has passed. Try not to think about the what-ifs. Focus on the fact that your Dad is no longer suffering and is having a great time in heaven. I'm sure it is more than difficult not to have his physical presence, but he is still with you in spirit. Please take care.

Love and hugs,
-Pam

Hoping for a miracle for my daughter, Lauren.

My comments, suggestions, and opinions are based on my experience as a caretaker for my daughter, Lauren and from reading anything I can get my hands on about Cholangiocarcinoma. Please consult a physician for professional guidance.

Pamela's Website

  • From: New Orleans
  • Registered: Sat, 15 Sep 2012
  • Posts: 14

Re: My Dad's Passing

Thank you for your kind words and beautiful poem.

PCL1090 - My focus in regards to CC now is how and why this happens to people. Thank you for the advice. I will do that at my check up this year. I would be willing to have an ERCP if they could do some molecular testing from the biopsy. Interestingly, my half sister on my Dad's side has cholangiatis (sp?).  She says that she avoids seafood because it makes her sick. I suggested she discuss with her doctor the fact her father had CC and if the cholangiatis makes her a potential candidate for CC.

  • From: Hilton, New York
  • Registered: Fri, 15 Jan 2010
  • Posts: 678

Re: My Dad's Passing

Marinmommy,

I am so sorry to hear about your father.  "what ifs" are normal but hopefully you can let those go and remember the fun times.  My thoughts are with you.

((Hugs))
-Randi-

Survivor of breast cancer (1994), thyroid cancer (1999), cholangiocarcinoma (2009).

My comments, suggestions, and opinions are based only on my personal experience as a cancer survivor. Please consult a physician for professional guidance.

7 Reply by greynosa (edited by greynosa Wed, 27 Feb 2013 11:21:27)

  • From: Lakewood,California United Sta
  • Registered: Thu, 27 Sep 2012
  • Posts: 21

Re: My Dad's Passing

Hi Marinmommy,

I'm so sorry about your dads passing.My Lovely Ginger just passed on Feb 13.I was also at her bedside with her daughter and sister when she passed.She was also doing the terrible rattle breathing( Death Rattle). When she just stopped breathing.I had just stepped away a few feet when it happened.Ginger was alert and knew what was happening.I stepped away to put her clothes into the washer machine because she was dirty and we where changing and cleaning her.She knew that I had stepped away and I believe that's when she decided to go.Feb 14th has always been special to both of us and she wanted me to continue to hold on to that day as a special in good memory for both of us. I did tell her how much I loved her and she replied by telling me she loved me too.I told her I was sorry for any thing that I had done in anyway if I harmed her and she told me don't be sorry.I thanked her for taking care of me and my two kids.I missed her so much but I know she's in a better place without suffering.We are having her services this Friday and a gathering at our place afterwards.Sometimes I feel like I didn't do enough at the end for her comfort because I got some medical cushions to help her with he bed sores two days after her passing in the mail.Anyways stay strong and continue to hold on to those good memories.Thanks to everyone on this wonderful website.

  • From: Wisconsin
  • Registered: Sun, 07 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 1,990

Re: My Dad's Passing

Dear Marimommy,

I am so sorry for your loss.  You have my deepest sympathy.  Know that you did the best you could  with what you were given.  Your dad is now at peace and no longer suffering.  Be comforted by that and keep him with you forever in your heart and memories.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this sad time.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"
  • Gavin
  • Gavin
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  • From: Scotland - Dundee
  • Registered: Tue, 23 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 4,831

Re: My Dad's Passing

Dear Marin,

I am so very sorry to hear of the passing of your dear dad. Please accept my sincere condolences and know that my thoughts are with you and your family right now. I too lost my dad to this cancer and I know the pain that you feel right now. But please do not beat yourself up here. Yes it is common to think of the "what if's", I did a bit of that as well. But I know that you did everything possible for your dad and I know how much that would have meant to him. Please know that we are all here for you.

Hugs,

Gavin

  • From: New Orleans
  • Registered: Sat, 15 Sep 2012
  • Posts: 14

Re: My Dad's Passing

Thank you. Please know everyone's words mean a lot to me. Its hard for people outside this forum to truly understand how horrible this disease can be.  The hiccups all night long, the naseua, the plastic stents, the metals stents, the infinte variations of antibiotics, the ER visits, the daily trial and error meals, the chemo sessions, the weekly blood work, etc., etc. etc. 

Greynosa - I'm so sorry for your loss.  As with my Mom,  it must be so hard to lose your spouse after so many years.