Topic: how do you know its the end?
hi there. my name is susan. my mom has just started her 3rd year of battling with cc. i'm thankful for all the time i've been given so far - maybe not thankful enough. its been a struggle til now. but we had always managed to stay strong and keep our spirits high. however, things have started to take a turn for the worse.
about 2 months ago, our surgeon came out of the o.r. telling me that after performing a laparascopy, he couldn't go on with the resection as planned. apparently, too much of her liver had been overtaken by the disease. no surprise. the resection was more of a desperate last ditch effort after all the chemo medleys they could find stopped responding.
a few days after, my mother exhibited signs of ascites. since then, she been going in every week to get drained.
now about 1 month ago, after understanding that chemo and surgery were ruled out, she declared - bring on the radiation. she refused to go without a fight to the end. she underwent sirt-y90 treatment. i was hopeful, optimistic even - especially after reading about all the good results several people had on this forum. but things haven't turned out so well for my mother. she's now completely lost her appetite. constantly vomitting and in a greater degree of pain. oh yes, and she is still getting drained every week.
and every week, she has been slowly disappearing. she's so small now. my god, everyday i look at her, i feel as though i'm facing a stranger. i can't believe this is my mother. more of her fades everyday, physically and mentally. i'm left constantly guessing how much is going to be left of her the next week. i sit there, afraid of letting go of her hand, should she forget, lose her will, and begin to let go of herself.
at first, i thought this turn for the worse was brought on by the sirt-y90. i thought if we ride it out, things will get better. but now that she barely even has the strength to smile, i know its not. i know its the disease. its the age. its the pain. its taking her away from here. she's dying.
we don't have much time, do we?