Topic: Pet Peeve

Can we have a pet peeve section?  I wish people would stop sending emails about "miraculously cured of cancer - just buy my book or buy something or send money".  I'm sick of it.  Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

Carol

Re: Pet Peeve

Oh, what a great idea! It seems everyone has THE answer to how to cure cancer, not realizing how insulting and degrading it is to the people afflicted, almost like blaming the victim. If there was ONE cure, don't you think we'd know about it? So maybe it's OUR fault that we got cancer because we didn't eat our spinach?

I share your pet peeve, even if there isn't a separate section for it!
Joyce

Re: Pet Peeve

I totally agree with you. Not only does it seem like it is blaming people for having cancer; it is a total insult for those of us who have lovingly taken care of someone we love and then lost them to this horrific disease. Those of you who are fighting this, keep fighting the fight - we are with you: Those of you who have lost someone - never forget because one day we may help someone else so they may not have to endure the pain and emptiness we experience each and every day.
I lost the love of my life six and a half months ago and each and every day it is getting tougher. There is such a void in my life, it seems as if my life has gone from a world full of color to total black and white. I started a journal when my sweet Jacques was diagnose,  and I have scribed many of my thoughts - my memories, my pain and my  sorrow are recorded in it My goal is to one day soon put this into print to help others who have to go down this dark path - my experiences may help others through a very difficult time - or at least let them know they are not alone in their feelings.
Prayers and Hope to all of you fighting this horrific cancer and Hugs and True sympathy to those who have lost a loved one.
Fondly,   Barbara

Re: Pet Peeve

I am with you on this one.  Those of us who are dealing with this or have dealt with this horrible disease know that its one day at a time and we know there is no cure.  If there was, this wouldn't be a horrible cancer, it would be more like having the common cold. 

I can't stand when people tell me everything is going to be okay.  This is not okay and everything is not going to be okay, I just want to scream at them, is it okay that my girls will have to grow up without their Daddy?  Or that I have to watch my husband suffer so much? 

It isn't fair that any of us have to go through all of this pain and suffering, and things aren't going to be okay, our worlds have been turned upside down.  I am just thankful that we have this board, where we all have an understanding of the hurt, pain and suffering that we all share because of horrible cancer. - Colleen

Re: Pet Peeve

I so agree with you, my sister bought me a book on the right supplements and veggies to eat to keep the cancer away. I didn't get cancer because I didn't eat enough greens or take enough vitamins and telling me not to worry they "cut it out" doesn't help. Does "living with cancer" mean anything to people. there is no "quick" cure

Inner strength

Re: Pet Peeve

Oh! When my neighbor said, "Well, doesn't he want to feel better?" after I explained that Scott would not be interested in taking her supplements; and a lady at church offered him the help of her blind herbalist, "who is really, really yellow, but I'm sure he could help save his liver," and there's this diet blah, blah, blah, "he had stage 4 cancer and he's still with us......... " until you could just scream.

But, I think about how many stupid things I have said just not knowing; not experienced; not realizing how painful it would be to the other person. There's been times that it would not matter what anyone said; I'd still be annoyed. I wonder if it's just part of the cancer package.

But while we're ranting, I'd like to make a clean purge of the fact that I'm tired of statements like, "...... and then I thought, at least I'm not the Franson's; and all my problems seemed so small. You're such an inspiration, thank you." It makes me feel like saying, "I did not volunteer for this gig, and I do not consider it a privilege to be the worst case scenario designed to make you feel better. Besides that, it's clear you have no idea; we are not even close to being a worst case scenario; we have been so blessed."

All frustrations aside, I have to share that Scott went for transplant on May 26th and is recovering extremely well. We found out this week that the old liver, albeit black/green and huge, was cancer free. It's an overwhelming blessing.

I'm so grateful for all of your support. Thank you, thank you for being here, sharing your vulnerabilities as well as your strengths. I read more than I post, but you all feel like family.

God Bless,
Brenda

Re: Pet Peeve

Why do I get so many people telling me that chiropracters and naturalist doctors can cure cancer?

Re: Pet Peeve

Hey everyone, keep 'em coming.  It helps to get the pet peeves off your chest whether you're the person with cc or caring for someone who has it. 

Joyce, if only...the ONE cure for cancer, which we know isn't possible because of all the different types of cancer and the different ways individuals react to all the treatments.  I hope you're doing well.

Barbara, I hope you're finding the strength to get through your days missing Jacques.  Thank you for your encouraging words.

I totally agree Colleen, everything is NOT okay.  You're right, thank goodness we have each other and this board.

Sarahd,  "quick cure"  HA.  That's part of another pet peeve of mine when people assume because Charlie may look good that he is cured or so much better that they say insensitive things like "Why aren't you working?" not knowing what suffering and hardship he's really going through. 

Screaming is good for you Brenda.  I know, we never knew we could make so many people feel so good by comparing their lives to ours.  So glad Scott is recovering well from his surgery. 

Lisa, you don't want to get me started on this one.  Even with insurance, we're struggling to pay all the deductibles and out of pocket expenses as I'm sure a lot of people here are also dealing with.  I have a friend who is well let's just say it - wealthy.  She can't understand why I can't take Charlie to her guru/herbalist/nutritionist/whatever.  Well, it costs MONEY.  Usually, their rates are very high and insurance doesn't cover them. 

All the pet peeves aside, Charlie and our family have been blessed beyond comprehension with many prayers, much support, and many positive things, one of which is this site and all the caring people on it.  I pray positive things for you all too.

Carol

Re: Pet Peeve

My pet peeve is people not understanding or mis-percieving the messages that a sender sends their way. Does their lack of knowledge and understanding and probally using the wrong choice of words or comments make them a bad person?  Not really, it just rubs us the wrong way because we are vunerable, stressed out, flat broke, tired and depressed, with an uncertain future or a certain future that we have no controll over and don't like it.  We feel like we are being punished in some way but we are not and people are rubbing salt in our eyes but they are not.  It would be nice if some wealthy friends our relatives could lesson the burden just a little for those who could use the help. But then again their wealth is their love and passion.  Given a little up would lesson their own security.  Wonder what would happen if we asked for a little help?
God bless us all !
Jeff G.

Take it to the Limit,One More Time! (Eagles)

Re: Pet Peeve

OMG!  You all hit me square on today!  This is all exactly what I am experiencing. We find out tomorrow when we can see the Cyberknife doctor. In the meantime I also get "has he tried this has he tried that"? I try to tell myself this is the only way people can show they care. But with the stress I am under right now, I just don't want to hear it. Oh here is a new one to add. From the beginning almost 3 years ago (The Whipple Procedure) I have written explicit e mails to all and phone conversations to all. Just the other day a family member said oh, we thought his liver had cancer!!! Like, how much do we have to repeat and talk about. I feel my brain is consumed with repeating and repeating and then they still get it wrong!!! Like, I just want to turn the world off for awhile. I have found the only ones who really understand and can offer some bit of hope are all the doctors working with us. 
Nobody fights as hard or is as strong as we are as care takers and our loved ones who are suffering with this monster. Thanks for letting me vent!!!! Lainy

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Pet Peeve

Sometimes I feel bad and get cranky.  Then I feel bad that I got cranky.  I pulled a muscle in my stomach area, which is still healing from the surgery, and I was not the nicest person to be around yesterday because of the pain.

It's hard, you want to be nice and smiley and stay strong.  And sometimes you are.  But we need to give ourselves persmission to be cranky sometimes, and our caregivers need to understand that, too.

BTW - God bless our caregivers!  You are suffering just as we are.