Dear Charlene and Jeff,
Thank you so much for your words of comfort - this place is a wonderful haven to me and so many others.
Jeff, I love your idea of a diary and I've tried to write a few letters to my mom, but there's just so much to say. When you see someone every day, you tell them every little detail of your life and share everything, and it's hard to try to reproduce that. I realize now that I can't ever reproduce that, so I will try to do a diary and not feel pressured to include every mundane detail - that would be 500 pages a day!
I think I posted my Mother's Day greeting here because I sometimes feel like I'm the only one who remembers my wonderful, irreverent, glorious mother, and I wanted something public where others could be reminded of her. I don't want to feel that she's forgotten by the world, after all her struggles and heartache and joys. And I hope they don't need computers in the afterlife!!!! And yes, I have felt my mother's presence - strangely enough, I can smell her sometimes.
I hadn't responded till now because my grandmother (my mother's mother) died last week at the age of 91. She had a full life, a happy life, and she was ready to go. She was still living on her own in her apartment in Brooklyn, drinking and smoking in moderation, doing her crossword puzzles and entertaining everyone with her piano - though losing her short-term memory lately. She had a stroke while watching TV alone one night -- probably instantaneous, didn't know what hit her, and that's EXACTLY how she would have wanted to go. She did it HER way, right to the end. I'm so proud of her, but of course I still miss her terribly. I hope she's reunited with my mother, my stepfather and my dog Slash and they're having a great Scrabble game together (well, not Slash - he was smart, but not that smart!)
Thanks again for the opportunity to vent, and for all the great compassionate souls on this board. Jeff, we wouldn't know what to do without you!