Topic: Rough couple of days
Okay, I just need to vent for a moment here and I know this is the best place to do it since no one will think less of me for it.
Mark is driving me over the edge right now. I got sent home from work yesterday because all I could do was cry and then they gave me a mandatory low census today so I could have a few days to recover.
It started when he came home Tuesday. He was nasty angry and lashing out at everyone including our 14 month old grandson. Bless my daughter for just loading the two of them up and taking off to a friends but she left me with him. He proceeded to announce that he was done with chemo, done with treatment and he was just going to "let this crap kill him." I was stunned by trying to supportive so I asked why thinking maybe he was having some sort of side effect he didn't like and that he hadn't told me about. He said it was because it was what I (meaning me, his wife) wanted. I was stunned to silence (and anyone that know me knows silence from me never happens). When I could finally wrap my head around it, he said it was because he knew I was tired of driving back and forth for chemo and tired of all the hospitalizations and on and on and on. I tried to talk with him about it but realized he was in no mood. He then texted his entire family the same thing so then my phone blew up with all them yelling at me for being so selfish......I finally quit arguing with them and turned off my phone. When we got into be he pulled all the towels and sheets off his side of the bed that we use to deal with the night sweats and he said he was tired of this "shit too" and crawled into bed. Then of course soaked the bed and yelled at me for removing everything. I just changed to bed and crawled in on my side. I think I finally slept a couple of hours.
Very little sleep then went to work where they sent me home. I spent the day keeping busy....cleaning, doing laundry, all that stuff. He came home just dinner was finished and he acted like nothing happened. Later on he asked me why I was being so quiet and what was wrong. I told him about the evening before and he denied all of it....I had to show him the texts on his phone and mine to prove about his family. He still doesn't acknowledge about the sheets. He was the same old Mark last night.
I can't tell if we had a moment of chemo brain, maybe his ammonia level is up or he was just frustrated and took it out on me. He's been a little disagreeable at times but not this. I found out today that he canceled his chemo on Friday but Jodi who does the scheduling call me to make sure and I told her no.....keep it we would be there.
Just driving me crazy. There's just a little tiny bit of me that wants to say fine quit the chemo, see if I care.....very tiny but frustrated part.
Thanks for listening to me vent.