Topic: My beloved mother
I'm still hurting and crying every day for my mother as she was all I had.
It will be 11 months on October 29th, 2013, that my mother passed away in Iran. As a U.S. Citizen, I obtained a visa to go to Tehran to spend time with my mother in the hospital 5 days before she passed and I'm still suffering from PTSD from just being there. I was surprised I got in and out even though I was held at the airport for one hour when I arrived and questioned in a small room. I thought I was going to be thrown in jail. How will I ever be able to ever go back there to visit her grave? She wouldn't have wanted to be buried there (she was a dual citizen) but then again I'm not sure.
I know she's in a better place but this monster of a disease took her life in 8 weeks. At least she didn't suffer for too long. She was 83 1/2 and they couldn't do anything for her.
I miss hearing her voice and having her in my life as my friend, mentor and only trusted and loved her. I had so much to tell her while I was in the hospital with her 4 days before she passed away, but didn't want to make her uncomfortable, so I never shared it. I knew when she told me that she was not going to get better, it was wise to not talk but I didn't know that she was going to die. Three days later she was in ICU. She waited for me, I know.
I found out through a contact that I met online playing backgammon on FB from Iran, that my name was not on her grave stone. I asked him to go to the cemetery and take pictures which he did and discovered that my cousins did not engrave the message that I asked them to put on my mother's grave.
My cousins have been brutal with me and have treated me like dirt (because they didn't inherit my mother's studio in Paris where she lived) and when I emailed them and asked them why they didn't engrave my message on my mother's grave, their response was that I didn't pay for my mother's funeral. They are swimming in money but instead they engraved a message from my mother to her sister. I was hurt beyond belief. My cousins have been so spiteful and stole all her valuables. They grew up with my mother and I, and my mother supported them for years, when I was a teenager. They were still free-loading off my mother by going to Paris and sleeping on her floor since she only had a studio, for about 3 months. I told them I would pay them to have my message engraved and their response was that they would try. I want to have my mother's remains sent back to me but there's so much red tape there and Iran hates us. I'm totally devastated!
I believe in the "after life" and know that I will see and be with my mother again, but her passing has left a big hole in me. I know that she has the biggest part of my heart and I carry her wherever I go, but I'm still in so much pain. I talk to her every morning and cry. Can anyone share something about the "Afterlife", and give me some emotional support. Already been to grief support classes and on medication. I would appreciate it.