Topic: My beloved mother

I'm still hurting and crying every day for my mother as she was all I had. 
It will be 11 months on October 29th, 2013, that my mother passed away in Iran.  As a U.S. Citizen, I obtained a visa to go to Tehran to spend time with my mother in the hospital 5 days before she passed and I'm still suffering from PTSD from just being there.  I was surprised I got in and out even though I was held at the airport for one hour when I arrived and questioned in a small room.  I thought I was going to be thrown in jail.  How will I ever be able to ever go back there to visit her grave?  She wouldn't have wanted to be buried there (she was a dual citizen) but then again I'm not sure.

I know she's in a better place but this monster of a disease took her life in 8 weeks.  At least she didn't suffer for too long.  She was 83 1/2 and they couldn't do anything for her.

I miss hearing her voice and having her in my life as my friend, mentor and only trusted and loved her.  I had so much to tell her while I was in the hospital with her 4 days before she passed away, but didn't want to make her uncomfortable, so I never shared it.   I knew when she told me that she was not going to get better, it was wise to not talk but I didn't know that she was going to die.  Three days later she was in ICU.  She waited for me, I know.

I found out through a contact that I met online playing backgammon on FB from Iran, that my name was not on her grave stone.  I asked him to go to the cemetery and take pictures which he did and discovered that my cousins did not engrave the message that I asked them to put on my mother's grave. 

My cousins have been brutal with me and have treated me like dirt (because they didn't inherit my mother's studio in Paris where she lived) and when I emailed them and asked them why they didn't engrave my message on my mother's grave, their response was that I didn't pay for my mother's funeral.  They are swimming in money but instead they engraved a message from my mother to her sister.  I was hurt beyond belief.  My cousins have been so spiteful and stole all her valuables.  They grew up with my mother and I, and my mother supported them for years, when I was a teenager.  They  were still free-loading off my mother by going to Paris and sleeping on her floor since she only had a studio, for about 3 months.  I told them I would pay them to have my message engraved and their response was that they would try.  I want to have my mother's remains sent back to me but there's so much red tape there and Iran hates us.  I'm totally devastated!

I believe in the "after life" and know that I will see and be with my mother again, but her passing has left a big hole in me.  I know that she has the biggest part of my heart and I carry her wherever I go, but I'm still in so much pain.  I talk to her every morning and cry.  Can anyone share something about the "Afterlife", and give me some emotional support.  Already been to grief support classes and on medication.  I would appreciate it.

Still grieving.

Desiree

Re: My beloved mother

Dear Desiree, 

My heart goes out to you on losing your mother.  I, too, lost my mother to this terrible cancer.  She passed away a year ago last July.  She too, was my best friend.  That being said, I also struggle with the loss.  What has helped me with my grief is my belief that we will be together again one day.  My faith in Christ is what carries me. 

We all deal with grief in are own way, but at some point it can become unhealthy. I remember when my mother unexpectedly lost her husband to a heart attack, and then six months later lost her mother to cancer.  These losses were devastating to her.  I witnessed her strength during that time, even though I know she was hurting tremendously.  Even during her illness, she was so stoic.  She was teaching us that we have to go on and make the best out of whatever life throw our way.  Believe me, I know it's not easy.  I have days where I just cry off and on, and then days when I feel an incredible void in my life.  During these times, I find myself reaching out to help others.  There are so many people in need, and it's a great way to help in the healing process. 

As far as signs,  I do believe God gives us signs that our loved ones are fine.  For example, one day at work some of my co-workers were trying to come up with a name they thought I look like (I guess they don't think I look like a Mona).  One of them said you look like a "Virginia"  I looked at her and said, "that's my mother's name."  Her mouth just dropped.  She did not know my mother's name.  What are the odds she would have come up with Virginia?  May be Debbie, Linda, Susan, Patricia, etc (more current for my birth year). 

Desiree,  I pray that you will find peace and happiness again.  Your mother would want that.  Please continue the grief support classes as long as you need.  Seek healthy ways to grieve.  There are lots of resources out there.  God Bless you.  Mona

Re: My beloved mother

Desiree so sorry the anniversary is quickly approaching. I had suggested that you start a log of your Mother's 'visits' as I know you have told me before that she has been around. You have no idea how comforting it is to read that log when you feel lonely. I am up to '92 Teddy winks' in almost 3 years. When I feel lonely I just read about his visits and I know he is still with me spiritually.
Perhaps you have not seen the posts about the Book I want to do for CC to raise money for research. I was going to email you soon as there are many believers I have not heard from. It's posted under A Novel Idea. This way you have a project about your Mother to do and to keep her memory alive. I am sure the last thing she would not want is for you to still be this sad. As far as the Cemetery perhaps you could write a letter to a Politician to see if he could help get your Mother back to you.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: My beloved mother

On Nobember 29th, it will the one year anniversary of my mother passing away.  I remember this time last year how sick she was and how she said she was a "pain" to everyone as they had to take care of her.  My response was "we love you so it doesn't matter" but she never answered.  She also talked about the "quality of life and also said that she knew she would not get better again.  Jesus took her away 3 days later to Heaven as he didn't want her to suffer any more.  At least she didn't suffer more because the nurse said that she would have gone into a Coma eventually.

Oh Mama, how much I miss you and love you.  I miss the look of love in your beaitful green eyes and how much you cared about me like no one else did in my life.  I miss hearing her voice every morning on the phone.  I feel abandoned and like an orphan.  Her spirit will always be with me and she occupies the largest part of my heart which I carry her wherever I go.  Why did this have to happen so suddenly?  This monster took her away in 8 weeks but at least she didn't suffer for longer.

Lainey, my email address is orlysud@aol.com so please feel free to write to me about "The Novel Idea" so I can keep her memory alive.  I would greatly appreciate it.

Since I've been working for the past 2 months and taking prescribed anti-depressants etc.,  it has helped me not cry as much.

I finally sold her studio in Paris, and have to go there in January and go through all my mother's belongings and decide what to ship back and what to sell.  She was an artist so all her paintings and sculptures will be shipped back plus some of her other belongings.  I was very lucky to find a buyer in 3 weeks.  It's going to be so hard to go into her studio even though I will feel her love, and so difficult to hand over the keys to the buyer as I will never be able to set foot in that studio again, after 25 years,

The French Notaire has been awful with me and she knows that I'm at her mercy because she does all the paper work, she has ignored my emails and only emails when there's something new and she avoids my phone calls.  I have so many questions but she doesn't answer.  I can't wait till this is all behind me.  I have gone through hell not only because I lost my dear mother, but with my family who have so evil with me, and the French jusdical system and red tape that I had to go through to get her studio and sell it.  It's nothing like that in the United States.

Anyway, just wanted to update anyone who was interested in my life after the death of my darling mother.

Desiree

Re: My beloved mother

Hi Desiree, I am going to post about the book again today but will also send you an email on it. I believe it is a good thing you sold the place in France and think of it this way. It is a building and buildings have no feeling the best news is you are shipping her things HOME to YOU! Then you will have her favorite things all around you, to feel, touch and make you feel so much better. I just had a thought about the up coming anniversary. Perhaps you could do something at a Senior Home or Center. What a wonderful thing to do and maybe you could "adopt" a Grand Parent to visit and get close to. So many  feel alone as you do. I will be  posting in a bit and you can write to me anytime.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: My beloved mother

Dear Desiree,

Good to hear from you, but sorry for what you are all having to deal with.  As I have mentioned in the past, my husband passed as quickly as your dear mother, so I do understand what you have been through, but now to have all this to deal with the French judicial system and all that involves and also unsupportive family makes it even harder for you.    Hoping you can get this all sorted out.  Keep in contact and let us know how you are doing.  Also feel free to vent on here as much as you need to. 

Thinking of you and hoping you can finally get some peace of mind.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: My beloved mother

Update
I'm still very sad and miss my beloved mother so much.  I don't enjoy anything, going out and exercising.  I'm not trying to gain pity but my life has come to a standstill.  My mother was the love of my life.  Now my aunt is is going to turn 87 but in good health so she says.  She' s in Iran and as a U.S. Citizen it's not safe for me to go there.  I went to see my mother on November 25th
and I was questioned for an hour.  I could hear my heart beating in my throat and thought I would be put in prison, but I got through. 

I only felt safe for 2 nights in the hospital when  I was with my beloved mother.  My cousin who lies, did not allow me to stay the third night and the next day she was in ICU and I was only allowed to stay with her once a day from 3-4 PM.  They didn't even check her IV.  The next day she was on life support and I wrote if she wanted to live like that and she wrote no.  Then she wrote  twice(which was hard to read) "Take me home if you love me" but I couldn't.  If you take someone off of life support how long does it take to die?  I feel so guilty about that.  She wanted to be surrounded by the family by unfortunately she died alone.  I feel so guilty and I dislike my two cousins who lied to both my mother and I plus they stole all her valuables in Paris while she was in the hospital before going to Iran.  If my cousins would have told me that she had cancer I would have never let her go there because this is an incurable disease so far.  They didn't even tell my mother because they didn't want her to be depressed.  Ivy cousins are hateful people with black hearts.  They even stole her money and forged her check.

When I left that horrific country feeling like I wanted  to die, I went to Paris and took all her documents and the Deed.  She tried to become a French citizen because she lived in Paris for 11 years, change her last name to me beloved mother's name and hire a lawyer so that she could claim that she was her child and inherit the apartment.  They refused to give me her death certificate so I had to go through the State Department because my mother was also a U.S. Citizen.  I finally got it and also had it translated in French and notarized by the French Embassy in Iran.  This took 4 months, lots of emails and phone calls.  Finally when I received it, I was able to process it as I had the Will and copies of her passports.  My cousins are extremely rich and rent an apartment instead of buying  one.

I still have nightmare's of Iran, seeing my mother yellow and so sick and telling me she wasn't going to get well.  She passed away three days later and I had to bury her with totally freaked me out.  My cousin and an official rushed to the cemetery while I was covered in my scarf in the back of the car and crying my eyes out.  When her body was buried, I wanted to throw myself into  her grave, head first. 

I lost a lot of money when selling her studio as I had to lower the price and pay 38% inheritance fee.  My family made me pay $10,000for her funeral.  Prior to that we had not spoken for a year but finally my Aunt called as she raised me.  So I sent it for my beloved mother.  My cousins are "poison."  I tried to make friends but I could never tell if they were telling me the truth or not and then when I asked what she did with the $10,000 she accused me of hurting her.  So I never want to talk to her again.  She never liked me and has anger issues.

My mother and I always spoke English to each other and we both hated Iran. So she sent me off to a boarding school in Europe and was very private.

When I was in Iran, I was so scared thinking that they would find out that I was American, and I couldn't read any of their Billboards or street names and the traffic  and smog was awful.  I almost kissed the ground when I arrived in Chicago for my transfer.  The TSA questioned me and was only there for 5 minutes - the last thing they told me was they were surprised I got in and out.

So it's so hard to forget what my mother looked like when she was deadly sick, burying her the Muslim way when she always believed in Jesus and being I a horrible country..  She passed away on November 29, 2012, and I'm still suffering from everything .

Re: My beloved mother

Update
I'm still very sad and miss my beloved mother so much.  I don't enjoy anything, going out and exercising.  I'm not trying to gain pity but my life has come to a standstill.  My mother was the love of my life.  Now my aunt is is going to turn 87 but in good health so she says.  She' s in Iran and as a U.S. Citizen it's not safe for me to go there.  I went to see my mother on November 25th
and I was questioned for an hour.  I could hear my heart beating in my throat and thought I would be put in prison, but I got through. 

I only felt safe for 2 nights in the hospital when  I was with my beloved mother.  My cousin who lies, did not allow me to stay the third night and the next day she was in ICU and I was only allowed to stay with her once a day from 3-4 PM.  They didn't even check her IV.  The next day she was on life support and I wrote if she wanted to live like that and she wrote no.  Then she wrote  twice(which was hard to read) "Take me home if you love me" but I couldn't.  If you take someone off of life support how long does it take to die?  I feel so guilty about that.  She wanted to be surrounded by the family by unfortunately she died alone.  I feel so guilty and I dislike my two cousins who lied to both my mother and I plus they stole all her valuables in Paris while she was in the hospital before going to Iran.  If my cousins would have told me that she had cancer I would have never let her go there because this is an incurable disease so far.  They didn't even tell my mother because they didn't want her to be depressed.  Ivy cousins are hateful people with black hearts.  They even stole her money and forged her check.

When I left that horrific country feeling like I wanted  to die, I went to Paris and took all her documents and the Deed.  She tried to become a French citizen because she lived in Paris for 11 years, change her last name to me beloved mother's name and hire a lawyer so that she could claim that she was her child and inherit the apartment.  They refused to give me her death certificate so I had to go through the State Department because my mother was also a U.S. Citizen.  I finally got it and also had it translated in French and notarized by the French Embassy in Iran.  This took 4 months, lots of emails and phone calls.  Finally when I received it, I was able to process it as I had the Will and copies of her passports.  My cousins are extremely rich and rent an apartment instead of buying  one.

I still have nightmare's of Iran, seeing my mother yellow and so sick and telling me she wasn't going to get well.  She passed away three days later and I had to bury her with totally freaked me out.  My cousin and an official rushed to the cemetery while I was covered in my scarf in the back of the car and crying my eyes out.  When her body was buried, I wanted to throw myself into  her grave, head first. 

I lost a lot of money when selling her studio as I had to lower the price and pay 38% inheritance fee.  My family made me pay $10,000for her funeral.  Prior to that we had not spoken for a year but finally my Aunt called as she raised me.  So I sent it for my beloved mother.  My cousins are "poison."  I tried to make friends but I could never tell if they were telling me the truth or not and then when I asked what she did with the $10,000 she accused me of hurting her.  So I never want to talk to her again.  She never liked me and has anger issues.

My mother and I always spoke English to each other and we both hated Iran. So she sent me off to a boarding school in Europe and was very private.

When I was in Iran, I was so scared thinking that they would find out that I was American, and I couldn't read any of their Billboards or street names and the traffic  and smog was awful.  I almost kissed the ground when I arrived in Chicago for my transfer.  The TSA questioned me and was only there for 5 minutes - the last thing they told me was they were surprised I got in and out.

So it's so hard to forget what my mother looked like when she was deadly sick, burying her the Muslim way when she always believed in Jesus and being I a horrible country..  She passed away on November 29, 2012, and I'm still suffering from everything .