Topic: My word has shattered at my feet

Hello,

I lost my beautiful Mum 4 weeks ago to this horrible disease....so fast and furious, it seems to move at the speed of light!!
She was diagnosed on 13 Jan 2013, and we lost her on the 31st Jan 2013. 18 days to get out head around the idea of cancer isn't very long!  She was only 64, and I still can't believe she's gone! 
It's like my world has been dropped at my feet, shattered into a million pieces....and I can't even find the pieces to pick them up and start putting them back together!  Even if I put some back together, the biggest piece will be missing..Mum! 
It seems harder to cope now, even more than the day she died...how could that be??  I'm told over and over that time will make things easier, well it's not!!! 
Thanks for listening to me rant!!!  I'm sure you'll all understand, you guys all seem to be in the same boat as me! 
Kirstie

Re: My word has shattered at my feet

Dearest Kirstie, I know you don't believe this yet, but it really has not been very long at all. Please know that in time, we have no time frames, but in time, all your wonderful Memories of your Mum will overtake you and you will be able to then feel her all around you. I know, as it happened to me with my husband. As I say all the time, Mums never really leave their children and you know that in time she will want you to find your happiness.

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain,
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.                   By Mary Elizabeth Frye

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: My word has shattered at my feet

Thank you Lainy for your kind words and that lovely verse, very comforting!

I'm finding it hard to remember what mum looked like when she was well, even though she wasn't sick for very long.  She was being treated for gallstones for about 6 months, but she was still reasonably well, she turned yellow in about November, so all in all she wasn't unwell for a long time, so I'm baffled as to why I can't picture her in my mind when she was ok,  I'm sure this will all come back in time, but it's worrying me as the only image I can bring into my mind is her lying unresponsive and only able to move her eyes..... I can't even remember what her voice sounded like...even though we either saw each other or spoke on the phone....more often than not, both and more than once!!

I'm sure Mum is watching over me and my three daughters, her beloved Grandchildren, and I'm certain she would want happiness for all of us, one day I'm sure I'll find that happiness, and smile again.  It's nice that I've found this group, but I'm sure we'd all rather not be here!!

Thanks again Lainy, you have given me comfort, and I think typing how I'm feeling is helping me too!

Kirstie
Xxx

Re: My word has shattered at my feet

Kirstie, tyiing out is very cathartic! Really helps, and we do understand that, its all OK. When Teddy was first diagnosed he was "extremely" Jaundice. I said, "Honey, you know I have never liked you in yellow".  Kirstie, I was at my husbands side through a horriffic end. I hardly ever think about that anymore. Instead I think about the very last breath and how beautiful he looked. Not one wrinkle (he was 78) not his usual bags under his eyes, he looked as if he was in a golden glow and beautiful. And that is how I remember him.
It took time. Our "new normal" doesn't come without work. We have to help ourselves heal, but for you, again give yourself time and be kind to yourself.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: My word has shattered at my feet

Dear Kirstie,

I was in that boat too with my husband  4 1/2 years ago.  I am so sorry that you too have had to be affected by this disease with your mom's passing.  I am so sorry for your loss and truely do understand what you are going through as Jim passed in much the same way.  The emptiness and loss will always be there, you will always miss her, but in time you will learn how to live with it and it won't be as all consuming as it is now.  Eventually you will be able to remember her as she was before CC and those memories will bring you comfort.   She will always be with you in your heart and those memories.

Keep coming back here even if just to vent.  It does help to get it out. 

You and your family have my deepest sympathy.  Take care.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: My word has shattered at my feet

Oh Kirstie, I am so saddened to hear about your dear Mum. It must be so difficult for you to even begin to come to grips with all of this. My hearfelt sympathies to you and I hope one day your pain will be replaced with happy memories.

Love,
-Pam

My beautiful daughter, Lauren Patrice, will live on in my heart forever.

My comments, suggestions, and opinions are based on my experience as a caretaker for my daughter, Lauren and from reading anything I can get my hands on about Cholangiocarcinoma. Please consult a physician for professional guidance.

Re: My word has shattered at my feet

Awww, thank you all for your kind words, it really does help to realise that others have been through the same thing, and especially with the same disease!  Because at the time Mum was diagnosed, I'd never heard of it, much less known anyone who'd had it, or had anything to do with it....

Hopefully in time, the pain and emptiness will become more bearable, at the moment, I can't see that happening, but I'm sure it will.

Lainy....yellow wasn't Mum's colour either!!  Really didn't suit her! See, I can have a little joke! 

Thank you all for giving me a little bit of hope, that I can adjust to this "new normal" that my life now is!

xxx

Re: My word has shattered at my feet

Kirstie;

I am so sorry that your Mom has passed at such a young age.  This is very difficult.  Did they do surgery for the gallstones?  Did they see anything on the scans when she was being treated for gallstones?  One can make no sense out of this.  My heart goes out to you.  I share your grief.  I miss my Mom who also passed from this illness.  I spent so much time with her as she lived within walking distance.  After one year of her death, I still think of her many, many times each and every day.  You will do the same.   We have to help each other.  She will watch over you.

Re: My word has shattered at my feet

Hi Kirstie,

I am sincerely sorry about the loss of your mom and know exactly how you feel.  I lost my dear mother to this monster of a disease, CC, three months ago and I'm still devastated.  The worst thing that has ever happened to me was to lose my mother whom I loved beyond belief.  I managed to see her five days before she passed in Paris, and then had to bury her.  It was horrific!  I know personally that it will take me a very long time to heal, but I will never heal completely.

I have an enlarged framed photo of my mother on the wall in front of me when she was well, from 2 years ago, and I speak to her every day but I'm sad.  I use to talk to her on the phone every morning as she lived in France and I live in the U.S.  I miss her voice, her emotional support, her love and she was always on my side.  No one ever loves you like your own mother. I feel like an abandoned orphan.

""When someone you love becomes a Memory, that Memory becomes a Treasure."  (Forgot who wrote this).

I feel for you and wish you comfort.  If you ever feel like emailing me for support, please let me know.

Desiree

Re: My word has shattered at my feet

Dear Kristie,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother.  I know how it feels like all of us do in here.  My mother was all I had and I was very close to her.  This monster of a disease took her away in 8 weeks.  I was and still am devastated.  The one year anniversary of her passing is on November 29th, the day after Thanksgiving. It will be a very sad day but I will make her stuffing for the turkey because she knew I loved to use her recipe every Thanksgiving.

I went to a Grief support group and I'm on anti-depressants etc. to help me get through this painful tragedy.  It has helped me very much otherwise I was ready to leave this world just to join her.

I wish you comfort and peace.  Remember, your mother's spirit will always be with you and she's watching you too. 

I have to go to France in January to her studio and ship back her belongings which will be so hard on me but I have to do it as I'm the only child and want to have her paintings and belongings.

I know that when my time comes to leave this world, my mother will be waiting for me and I'll be with her eternally, so that gives me hope.

Feel free to email me if you need to share at orlysud@aol.com.

Desiree