Topic: My Beautiful Angel, My Mother<3

Hi Everyone,

I have been following many of these posts throughout the year reading and learning about this tragic illness and each and every one of your experiences. Although I want to encourage everyone to continue fighting and staying strong, I thought it would be appropriate to post that my beautiful mother passed away on December 4th. I have yet to come to terms with her passing, it happened so suddenly (which in one way is a blessing; they were going to give her more iv's/insert a catheter etc) and I never got the opportunity to really say good bye (she was in and out of consciousness) and to learn about her final wishes. My mom was young at the time of her passing, 46 years old to be exact, and wanted to live more than anything in this world. Even during her final moments she fought for her last breath and in fact the morning of she was able to stand on her own two feet and swallow food/water.

So with a heavy heart, I am writing to all of you for a number of reasons. Many of you on this forum completely avoid the topic of death (which is understandable as we did the same) but now looking back at this situation I had wished I spent a little more time talking about end of life with my mom, learning about her wishes, and just preparing somewhat for a goodbye. Although she is in my heart forever I know that it might have bee a little easier for her had I let her know that my brother and I were going to be okay (we lost our father in a car accident many years ago and my brother is now 18) as I know that was her biggest concern. Every night before bed she would tell me that she would pray to god to not separate her from her children and so now a part of me wishes I could've brought her that comfort of knowing that we were going to be okay. Although I was by her side as she took her final breath and communicated that it was okay to let go I felt that had we discussed "death" it might've given me more closure. I know many of you are parents on this forum and I have read about some of your concerns regarding your children, and although I am in no position to tell anyone what to do or how to live their lives I feel as though it is a very important subject to discuss because you never know what tomorrow may bring. My mom was such a fighter and even though I knew she wasn't doing so well, it was just so unthinkable to imagine life without her that when it happened I realized I missed a lot of signs etc.

Also, I wanted to share something with all of the newcomers to this site and for those that were recently diagnosed. My mom was a stage 4 ICC patient that had a 9x8cm tumour and had lymph node involvement which later spread to her lungs. She did very well on gem/cis and then the cancer came back in action which led to a very diseased liver, her trying Xeloda etc. In November we decided to pursue natural medicine, but at that time it was to late. We met some incredible naturopaths in Toronto and for those of you that are living in Ontario, Canada I would urge you all to contact me at milena1racic@gmail.com so that I can share some of the things I learned throughout my journey with my mother and possibly help someone else. We were using cannabis oil, vitamin c iv's and DCA … the naturpath that she was seeing had incredible results for pancreatic and bile duct patients so please do not hesitate to reach out to me.

Thank-you to everyone who helped answer some of my questions on this forum and I wish each of you a life full of happiness, love, and health (first and far most). Please try to enjoy your lives and your families as much as possible, go on the vacations you always wanted to go on, see your friends, etc because you never know what tomorrow may bring. Once again, best of luck to all of you and should any of you have any questions or would just like to talk please feel free to reach out to me.

Milena

Re: My Beautiful Angel, My Mother<3

Dear Milena,

I am so sorry for your loss.  You have my deepest condolences.   When it happens so fast it is hard on those left behind, but at least your mom is no longer suffering or in pain.  She has moved on to a better place.

I totally agree that life is short and you never know what tomorrow will bring, so we need to live it to the fullest and say and do everything that we want and need to while we can.  Unfortunately for most of us, we don't fully understand or realize this until it is too late. 

Try not to be too hard on yourself.  You did the best you could do under very trying and unusual circumstances.   You did your best for you mom and I'm sure she knew that.  Keep her with you forever in your heart and memories of things you shared before all of this happened.

Take care and know we all care and here for you to help in any way that we can.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: My Beautiful Angel, My Mother<3

Dear Milena,

I am so very sorry to hear about your beautiful mum. Life is very unfair at times and you sound as though you were very close to your mum, which is something to cherish.

Although she is not here in body, she will stay with you always, in your thoughts, in your dreams and in your heart. She is part of you, and that will never change.

I second what Darla said, please don't be too hard on yourself. Many of us find it very difficult to talk with our loved ones about death; it is a natural part of loving someone so much and never wanting to be without them. You did the very best for your mum in extremely tough circumstances, and I'm sure that she knew that.

Many thoughts and prayers are headed your way, and you have a lot of support here.

Hugs,
Jules

Re: My Beautiful Angel, My Mother<3

Milena;

I am so sorry to hear about your Mom.  It bothers me that she was so young.  I know you did everything you could to help her.  My Mom passed 2 years ago, but she was not as young.  I had more years to spend time with her.  When she was diagnosed I knew it was not good, but that did not stop me from trying to find a way to help her.  It was not meant to be.  You are a wonderful daughter.  It was a pleasure to read your posts and see how much you loved your Mom.

Re: My Beautiful Angel, My Mother<3

Dear Milena, I am so very sorry to read about your Mom. As said before you did everything possible to help her on this awful journey. I am sure she is so very proud of you and as I always say Mother's never really leave their children. DO no dwell on the past, you can not change it and the best thing you can do for your Mom is to live and be happy as that is what she would want. We are all here for you.

  Letter from Heaven  by Ruth Ann Mahaffey

To my dearest family some things I'd like to say
But first of all to let you know that I arrived okay,
I'm writing this from Heaven. Here I shall dwell with God above
Here, there's no more tears of sadness. Here is just eternal love.
Please do not be unhappy because I'm out of sight
Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through
God picked me up and hugged me and He said "I welcome you,
It's good to have you back again,
you were missed while you were gone,
As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.
God gave me a list of things that he wished for me to do
And foremost on the list was to watch and care for you
And when you lie in bed at night, the days chores put to flight
God and I are closest to you . . in the middle of the night.
When you think of my life on earth and all those loving years
do not be afraid to cry, it does relieve the pain
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.
One thing is for certain though my life on earth is o'er
I'm closer to you now than I ever was before.
There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb
Together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
When you're walking down the street and you've got me on your mind
I'm walking in your footsteps, only half a step behind
And when it's time for you to go . . from that body to be free
Remember you're not going . . you're just coming here to me.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: My Beautiful Angel, My Mother<3

Dear Milena,

I am so sorry to hear of your Mother's passing. It is so difficult to talk about death with our loved ones that have this illness. We want to be happy, upbeat, and positive for them. I'm sure your Mom is at peace now. Please don't worry about the past. It cannot be changed no matter how much we wish it could. I know it hurts so much to lose the ones we love, but hopefully one day the hurt will lessen and memories will bring joy. Like many of my friends and family have told me, I will tell you...One day at a time.

Love,
-Pam

My beautiful daughter, Lauren Patrice, will live on in my heart forever.

My comments, suggestions, and opinions are based on my experience as a caretaker for my daughter, Lauren and from reading anything I can get my hands on about Cholangiocarcinoma. Please consult a physician for professional guidance.

Re: My Beautiful Angel, My Mother<3

Milena...I am so sorry to hear of your dear Mom's passing .'Grief is the price we pay for love' is a quote so true to the heart.  We never are prepared to loose our loved ones and our loved ones never are prepared to leave us behind.  Time will be on your side, dear Milena, and as mentioned by the others, at some point, the pain of the loss will shadow the joy and happiness once shared and that is when our memories become our treasures. 

You must have made your Mom proud, dear Milena, as you are so very young of age and yet have shown to be strong and supportive throughout her illness and that you will stand by your brother in this difficult time.

Please know that we are here for you and that your thoughts and experiences (good or bad) shared on this site may very well guide others through similar experiences.

My heart is with you,
Hugs,
Marion

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER

Re: My Beautiful Angel, My Mother<3

Milena
You are an incredible woman and I am very sorry for your loss. I wanted to thank you for your last post and I'm sure it must have been very difficult for you to write.  It really meant so much to me as I am a 45 yo father of 4. It is very difficult for a parent to determine what to say to their children, when to say it, and in how much detail. My kids ages range from 9 to 15 and I don't give each child the same amount of details.  I agonize over this on a daily basis and truly appreciate your input.
Thank you so much for sharing with us!
Bj

Re: My Beautiful Angel, My Mother<3

Dearest Milena,

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mom at such a young age.  This disease is horrible and my prayers are that one day there will be enough funding for research to make it more of a chronic illness than the death sentence it seems to bring us. 

The Board members of this website work endlessly to help us, along with the moderators, and I am so grateful for that.

I hope, in time, you can recall all the beautiful memories of your mom and find some peace in knowing that she is not far from you at all!

Take care of yourself and your brother.

Peace, Love & Hugs,
Mary

Re: My Beautiful Angel, My Mother<3

Hi Milena, I too am very sorry to hear about the loss of your mother.  I lost my mom last year as well to lung cancer and I often think about all the things I could have said and done...but then tell myself I can't change what's already happened and really try to embrace all the joy and love and wonderful memories I had with her, especially as a child.  It's crazy I was diagnosed just  3 months after her passing but have somehow found comfort in knowing that she is still with me every step of the way.  I don't know if this really does get any easier, I still take things day to day, hour to hour even.  Sending you lots of strength, light, love, and peace...to you and and your family.  Take care.
Porter

Hope, love, strength...2013 and for the years to come, Porter.

Re: My Beautiful Angel, My Mother<3

Dear Milena,

I am so very sorry indeed to hear of your mums passing. Please accept my sincere condolences. I know the pain that you feel right now having lost my dad to this as well.

Please do not be hard on yourself about anything here, you did everything that you could for your mum. I too was my dads carer throughout his fight and I know what you would have gone through. Please also know that we are all here for you and will help in any way that we can.

My thoughts are with you right now.

Hugs,

Gavin

Any advice or comments I give are based on personal experiences and knowledge and are my opinions only, they are not to be substituted for professional medical advice. Please seek professional advice from a qualified doctor or medical professional.

Re: My Beautiful Angel, My Mother<3

Dear Milena,

I am so sorry that your mum has passed.  You are an incredibly brave young woman and did your very best for your mum.

Clare

In the stars now . . . .