Topic: Declining Fast

Hi all,

Sorry i have not replied to any posts for many months, especially to all the newcomers.

Mum is rapidly declining and near the end.

I spoke to the oncologist this morning as he was doing his rounds and advised me that mum had no more than a few days to go.  He cut me off quickly then walked away. What has happened to compassion and understanding. 

I am really scared and don't know how and where to find the strength to get me through.

Lou

Re: Declining Fast

Dear Lou, I'm so sorry.  I understand the pain of being cut off like that, too.  We were told to "get the family together and bring forward Christmas, she'll be gone by the end of the week" in the October of 2011.  Sue lived (not just "survived", she really LIVED) another 6 full months.

My heart is with you and your family.
Julia xx

“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Re: Declining Fast

Dear Lou I am so very sorry about your Mum. She has really fought this battle like a true warrior from the onset. If in fact the Doctors and you feel the end of the Journey is near I have one suggestion which actually should help you and your Mum. Try to release her by giving her permission to go to her Peace and it will help you to feel it is okay and she needs you to say it is okay. Remember that the hearing is the last thing to go so even if she is sleeping tell her you love her and now and then gently touch her arms. You never know how strong you are until "strong" is the only choice you have! We are all with you in spirit and sending you much love. Honestly your strength will be there.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Declining Fast

Dear Julia

Thanks so much for your response as it truly means a lot. God Bless you.

My sweet Lainy

I have not seen much of you around. I knew that you would respond. Mum's journey has been hard, so I gave her permission long ago.

She will often open her eyes and look at us all and smile. This is the memory I will keep in my heart forever.

God Bless
Lou

Re: Declining Fast

Lou....please know that many people from all over the world have read your posting and are with you in this difficult time.
I had read once that it takes only a few seconds to say goodbye to someone we love, but it will take the rest of our life to forget them, because their memories live on forever in our heart.

My heart is with you,
Hugs,
Marion

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER

Re: Declining Fast

Dear Lou,

Thinking of you and your mom as you go through this difficult time.  We are all in this with you to help & support you in any way that we can.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Declining Fast

Marion

Your post was so heart felt. 

Lainy might be my sweet Lainy, but you are my wise one.  Such wisdom and humanity.

Thank You
Lou

Re: Declining Fast

Dear Lou,

I am sorry to hear how things are going with your mum now. Having been where you are with my dad I so know how you feel right now. Feeling scared is natural but trust me, you will find the strength that you need to get you through this. We are all here for you and will always be. Thinking of you right now.

Hugs,

Gavin

Any advice or comments I give are based on personal experiences and knowledge and are my opinions only, they are not to be substituted for professional medical advice. Please seek professional advice from a qualified doctor or medical professional.

Re: Declining Fast

Dear Lou,

I am so very sorry for what is happening. You are such a wonderful person and have always had such heartfelt messages for me. Please know that I am thinking about you and your dear Mum. Just forget about the doctor's thoughtless comment. I think sometimes they are at a loss as to what to say and put up a wall to protect their feelings. What is important is that you have been there for your Mum and she is so lucky to have you. You will find the strength. It just comes naturally. My heart goes out to you.

Love and hugs,
-Pam

My beautiful daughter, Lauren Patrice, will live on in my heart forever.

My comments, suggestions, and opinions are based on my experience as a caretaker for my daughter, Lauren and from reading anything I can get my hands on about Cholangiocarcinoma. Please consult a physician for professional guidance.

Re: Declining Fast

Gavin and Pamela

You are all such wonderful and caring people. Your messages of kindness tells me people do care.

I am waiting in the visitors area as I write this. The nurses here have been wonderful and are lookIng after mum beautifully. She is so swollen with fluid at the moment that the bed sheets are continuously wet. The nurses are always changing her and trying their best to keep her comfortable.

Anyway, I will keep you updated soon.

Thanks once again to all this community

Lou

Re: Declining Fast

Lou,

I lost my Mom to CC on April 3, 2009.  I know how hard this part of the journey can be. 

Your Mom will be leaving an amazing legacy behind in you her beloved child.  I can tell from reading your posts  she was an incredible Mom and taught you well!

I can promise you that you will find a deep strength in yourself that you never knew you were capable of during these next days.  I believe it comes from God and I was amazed at how much I was able to handle.

These are such precious moments.  Drink them all in -  the good and the sad.

Please know I'm holding you, your Mom and your family tightly in my prayers.

Hugs and many prayers.....
Pam

My Mom lost her one year battle with CC on April 3, 2009.

"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is.  Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.

Re: Declining Fast

Dear Darla and Pam

Thanks so much for your amazing words. All of your support is very comforting to all my family.

God Bless
Lou

Re: Declining Fast

Lou,
I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Cherish these moments.
Peace
Lisa

This Information Is Not Intended Nor Implied To Be A Substitute For Professional Medical Advice. You Should Always Seek The Advice Of Your Physician Or Other Qualified Health Care Provider

Re: Declining Fast

Dear Ilias,

It feels like medicine has become more of a business rather than the noble service it was once referred to. I was in India and my experience of being cut off was very much like yours. I wonder if doctors would convey the news of their loved ones dying to their family with the same empathy and compassion that they bestow upon their patients.


I truly agree with Lainy, in what she says about telling them it is ok to go. My Mom was on the ventilator when i could not bear to see Her suffer any more, i told Her it was ok to go, we will all be fine. She could not talk but i still remember the relief in Her eyes.  "I love You" are 3 words but can say everything you mean to. It doesn't get easier but at least the pain we endure would be ours and our loved ones have the peace, comfort and freedom they so rightfully deserve.


Keep calm and travel on. She needs you more than ever. i pray for both of you to find the courage and strength to push through this darkness and welcome the light.

From one daughter to another.

Love,
Dee

Re: Declining Fast

Lou,
So many above have put beautifully into words what I also wish to convey. We are with you in spirit to comfort you and your dear Mum.
Willow

Willow

Re: Declining Fast

Thank you Dee and Willow. It's comforting to know people far a across the oceans truly care.

On Saturday night we were told she had between 2- 8 hours. It has now been four days and she is still holding on. We were forced to shut her feed Sunday based on the doctors prediction.  We are so angry we were forced to make this decision.

Sorry, need  to sign off. I will get back to you later.

Re: Declining Fast

Lou....Although, patient symptoms "may" predict the timing ultimately though it is an individual response.   Please do not regret your decision, your Mom is showing you the way.
Hugs and love,
Marion

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER

Re: Declining Fast

Dear Lou,

I am think of you and your mum.
x

Clare

In the stars now . . . .

Re: Declining Fast

Lou,

So sorry to hear about your Mum.  I am sure you are a blessing to her and your permission for her to continue her journey is a gift that is hard to give.  I am thinking of you both and hope you can celebrate the wonderful memories you have soon.

Hugs,
-Randi-

Survivor of cholangiocarcinoma (2009), thyroid cancer (1999), and breast cancer (1994).

My comments, suggestions, and opinions are based only on my personal experience as a cancer survivor. Please consult a physician for professional guidance.

Re: Declining Fast

Dear Lou, Mum may be waiting for something. It could be a goodbye from a family member or a friend. It could be some unfinished business. I do believe we pick our time. The day Teddy passed we waited all day. He lay there for hours with his eyes wide open never even blinking. I kept telling him to go to his Peace and I would be OK and I love him. He would stick his fingers in his ears! He was not ready. This happened 3 times. About 845PM Robin called her 2 boys, 15 and 16 who were at home (other 2 kids at college) and told them Papa was passing but they did not have to come as Papa knew how much they loved him. In 15 minutes they showed up and Robin said, "Papa Kyle and Brandon are here" and 3 minutes later he passed. I feel he was waiting for them so Robin and I would not be alone and she feels it was one more life lesson he was teaching them. What ever works it was perfect timing. Please do not be afraid we found the end to be more amazing than otherwise. I am standing right next to you in spirit and sending a ton of love and hugs to your family. Be strong.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Declining Fast

Sorry to hear about your mum Lou. I know how much it means to your mum right now to have you there by her side. Thinking of you right now.

Hugs,

Gavin

Any advice or comments I give are based on personal experiences and knowledge and are my opinions only, they are not to be substituted for professional medical advice. Please seek professional advice from a qualified doctor or medical professional.

Re: Declining Fast

Dear Dee and Lou,

I am sorry you had a bad time with the doctor. I just wanted you to know that my daughter and son-in law are both doctors. I talk with my daughter almost every day and she is wonderful with her patients and often brings the sadness she sees home with her. Some doctors may be brilliant, but have no people skills when it comes to showing empathy. Luckily, my other daughter, Lauren, who had CC, had a surgeon and oncologist who were wonderful. Her surgeon was with us when she passed and cried along with us. He also drove four hours to attend her funeral and has told us recently that he still thinks of her daily. I am so sorry, Dee and Lou, that you have experienced the opposite and have bad feelings in general for doctors. It must be such an awful feeling to be treated in such a callous and uncaring way.

Love and hugs to you,
-Pam

My beautiful daughter, Lauren Patrice, will live on in my heart forever.

My comments, suggestions, and opinions are based on my experience as a caretaker for my daughter, Lauren and from reading anything I can get my hands on about Cholangiocarcinoma. Please consult a physician for professional guidance.