Topic: Thought question

I haven't asked a thought provoking question in some time. Hope it will get a few reads, don't expect a lot of replies.

Watched "North by Northwest" with Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint a couple nights ago.  Couldn't help by thinking that we are on a rock face ourselves.  I expect that there may come a time when I will be hanging by my finger tips.  Medical science will have said there is nothing more it can do except keep me out of pain.  In your thoughts or experience, do I keep hanging on, praying for the miracle I will be given strength to pull myself back up?  Or do I let go, trusting a miracle will soften my landing?  All the while recognizing that miracles are not always granted in the way we request.

My answer is in my signature.  But I don't know if it will change as my arms get tired.  Maybe the miracle will be acceptance.

BTW - platelets were up to 144,000, alk-phos down to 135, CA19-9 down to 70.  CT scan after this round.  Too bad there is no Smilie for "that's me doing my Happy Dance".  If liver tumor continues to shrink will ask again about surgery.

Fighting with dignity, not desperation.

Live, Laugh, Love

Re: Thought question

Dear Duke, now you know with my big mouth I would answer you. This is not an easy question. I have to defer to Teddy coming thru from me! LOL
While Teddy fought a great battle, because he was a fighter and like he always said to me, "I was trained by the best!" (Take that any way you want) He took about 3 days to mentally prepare himself for what he felt would be but at the same time we really didn't know much 8 years ago. He just had a feeling it was bad. BUT as he fought so courageously at the same time he went deeper in to his faith (Catholic) like doing his Rosary 4 times a day etc. He did tell me once that he never prays for himself but prays for family and friends. To sum it up I would say he never had denial but had a ton of Faith, Dignity, Acceptance and Love and a strong steel mind. Perhaps it was acceptance but his answer was to live life just like Teddy always did and when it is his time that is just the way it is. I hope you can make some sense of this...I just woke up.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Thought question

Duke. In my 3 year struggle, I've been told I should be very sick. I've been told by my surgeon to put my affairs in order. Except for the recovery from surgery and a few hospital stays due to infections and chemo, I've never been "sick". I argued with my onc's lack of a plan... I've "requested" to be put back on chemo. I've yelled at God. I've asked Him why me? I've asked Him what get wants me to do?
Last April I met my new onc and learned about this trial. I was finally in a position where nothing was immediately life threatening. I realized that I needed to use my faith and quit asking. Just accept He has a plan. I'm still not sure what it is, but I guess I'll figure it out one of these days. I still wonder, but the huge weight is gone. Either I'm going to live (which is my belief) or I'm not. I just pray that when it's my time I go quickly.
I hope you can resolve your conflict (for lack of a better way of saying it) and come to a place of peace about this journey. No one knows how long our journey is going to be. My hope for myself is that I keep my faith and dignity until the end.

KrisJ
"Don't just have minutes in the day; have moments in time."
Any opinions I give are based on personal experiences, and are not based on medical knowledge. I strongly suggest receiving medical care and opinions.

Re: Thought question

Hi duke. I checked in during lunch today and saw that we were the only 2 registered members online and wondered how you were doing. Although I'm only a family member , I hope that I get to the acceptance point when needed in the future for my mother.  However I am counting on you and my mother to move the curve before we need to accept anything. 

I've told our pastor that if this is just something we need to go through so we can document a miracle, let's do it soon. 

All of us (even without this horrible cc) need to accept we are not immortal.  But  nothing wrong with you helping someone achieve sainthood by overcoming this and hanging around for a few more decades.

Re: Thought question

Hi duke,

I had never noticed your signature before - I have now and I love what it says.

I have no idea what place I would be in if I were ill but from a family member perspective, I wanted to help my sister gently fall from that cliff.  There were no miracles coming her way - if there was any chance I so would have helped her hold on.  Perhaps it was easier for me, there was no ambiguity about how ill she was and past the point of any return, even if I had to fight to get the doctors to admit it.  If I could have pushed her earlier I would.

Clare

In the stars now . . . .

Re: Thought question

Thanks to one and all for your responses.

As an engineer, one thing drilled into us is look ahead.  What's the worst that could happen and what are you doing to mitigate the effects?  So, I tend to get way too analytical at times.  No reason to think about letting go now, my arms are just fine.  I need  to remind myself, one day at a time.

I just read a recent post that used the term "realistically optimistic".  A tricky balance to accomplish, but a great goal.  No Pollyanas but no Eeyores either.

Miracles are where you find them - look for them.

Fighting with dignity, not desperation.

Live, Laugh, Love

Re: Thought question

Yea, Duke, I love that saying and try to use it on myself (realistically optimistic) sometimes it actually works! Here is another one I found recently but really doesn't pertain to CC however, I think its so true. "Be yourself, all the others are taken!"

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.