Topic: Should we move?
I'm not sure where to post this...I'm not new here but not a regular poster. My husband originally was diagnosed cancer of unknown primary because of a tumor in his liver that apparently didn't start there according to the biopsy results. Fast forward through a long story, Tom had the liver tumor removed in Jan 2007, a grueling but successful surgery and his surgeon said by observing the pattern of tumor growth (or however he figured it out) he diagnosed it cholangio carcinoma which had moved to the liver and formed the tumor there. Anyway, now it's been a year, and Tom's had two follow up scans that show no new tumor growth. He still has prostate cancer and is on testosterone reduction therapy to reduce that tumor. He sees a p.c. specialist in a couple of weeks for further advice. Sorry, but the "enter" key on my computer is broken, so I can't make a new paragraph.. Should we move? That question is about whether we should take a chance on moving while Tom's going through all this. On the one hand he is alive and able to make decisions and do things around the house, and he's depressed and bored. We have lived here since 1985, in a rural area. We have neihbors, it's not totally isolated, but pretty close to it in my perspective. I am tired of driving miles and miles and this winter has been very harsh with lots of ice and snow. Tom loves this place because he and his brother built it; I love it too and it will hurt a lot to say goodbye to the house and land, since we were the ones who bought the land and planned the house...and have been the only owners. However, I keep feeling drawn to different houses in town, and I really think it is impractical to live in the country. I have various activities would be more involved with if I could be close to them. Tom just stays on the couch and reads or does ebay sales on the computer. He doesn't drive to a job anymore. Well, surprise surprise, but after we slid off the road in the truck a couple of weeks ago, he finally said "Maybe it would be a good idea to move back to town." He goes back and forth about it. He says, "if my health takes a turn for the worse, I want to be here in our familiar house." But when we do go look at some homes for sale, his energy level perks up...he mentions where he might put his TV and the couch. I have been keeping to myself the fear that if we did move and then he got sicker, I would blame myself for taking him away from "his" house and not letting him spend his last days there. On the other hand, have told him I am not spending another winter here. (If he was healthy that would definitely be the case...I would stay with a friend during the week and come home on weekends during the winter months--I know a couple of people who would rent out a room to me) So we are going back and forth now that we are both interested in moving...one day, he just wants to make an offer on a house right away and get the process started, the next day he is back to "what if my next test is bad and we're right in the middle of closing a loan". Our plan is to find a new house first, get an equity loan to close the deal and then sell our country house to pay off or pay down the new mortgage. Our country house is paid for. I like the experience of looking at houses, seeing which ones we both feel in harmony with. That is a good signl. I think we are both in the stages of grieving and letting go of the house we've been in for so long. Then part of me wants to tell him, if we move now, this is THE time to do it, because you are relatively in good shape (considering the cancer) and we would enjoy the next house and have some good times there...he talks a lot about "after he's gone" and I finally loosened up and said "after you're gone" I would love knowing that the house in town where I will be living is one we picked out together. I dread the thought of leaving our country house. I dread the thought of him dying while we are out here and me coming back to this place alone. Actually I had wanted to move back to town a few years ago, before cancer joined our lives. He was very resistant, but said "Maybe when I'm older and we need to be closer to medical services." Well that time is now. But...what I wonder is can the moving be just part of life changes...lots of people downsize or relocate in their 50s. Although moving itself is nerve wracking, we have a chance to have some new experiences together. JeffG you said you moved several times since your diagnosis, that's what got me thinking about posting this question. Thanks to any who respond.