Topic: Feeling sad

I think and feel mum every minute of the day.  I am sad, but why is it that I cannot cry no more.

Did we mourn her death before she even passed?  I feel guilty. 

My sister Pia and brother Harry feel the same way.  Did we focus too much on her death before she even passed? Is this normal?

Every time I think of mum, I feel this soft sensation on my shoulder. I know she is with me, but I so much want to cry and cant.

Lou

Re: Feeling sad

Dear Lou, I believe you are normal. I had a delayed reaction after Teddy too. It is not how you handle it now it is what you did for your Mum while she was here. I am so glad you can feel her around you and there will be more to come. I have a list of what to look for if you would like it, I think you would enjoy reading it and perhaps you will realize all the ways in which you can know she is around. Knowing what to look for has always brought me such comfort. A few years before T got CC we talked about how we would reach       
each other from beyond. We decided a touch on the cheeks. All of a      sudden I will feel a touch, lighter than a cob web, it comes on the top of         
my hair, and across my forehead. Guess he has not learned to do                    the cheek yet. This happens often and it did on our anniversary.  Last
night after I found out yesterday that my cancer returned I was on the
computer from 10PM – Midnight and he was right here for that 2 hours
touching my hair and forehead. He stopped for awhile and I told him I am going to be OK and that I was not worried. And then he started touching again. I went to sleep so calm and peaceful. True!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Feeling sad

Dear Lou,

Every one deals with grief in their own way and time.   You are probably still in shock from what you have been through and slowly this will change.  I'm sure that knowing and feeling that she is still with you in her own way is of much comfort to you.

I too did not cry at first, but the tears will come and when you least expect it.  That too will give you a feeling of  comfort and relief.

Take care Lou.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

4 (edited by marions Fri, 13 Jun 2014 22:48:23)

Re: Feeling sad

Lou....the in-between place of mourning an anticipated loss and that of the grieving process to take place is called anticipatory grief. This process is normal, it is human and it causes extreme stress and it somewhat resembles the head-start for the grieving to come.     
It might help you to understand that you were not giving up hope rather that you were mourning the impending loss of your dear Mom. Although, some feel that it is not sociably acceptable that we mourn  those still with us, but the reality is that we do.   These feelings are a mixture of sadness, fear, helplessness, anger and many other familiar and not so familiar emotions all coming together at once. 
Mourning and the feeling of guilt are equally as associated as anticipatory grief and grieving.  Most people feel some degree of guilt and much of it can be related to the fact that we believe we were not focused on the time spent with our loved ones; that we wasted precious time on fearing their loss rather than living in the moment of their presence.  With time, dear Lou, you will come to understand that there is not a "normal" in all of this rather, that it is individual to each and everyone and that all of us gain insight and perspective as we transition from the place of enormous pain to that of acceptance of not only our loss, but ultimately of who we are as humans. 
Be kind to yourself, dear Lou.  That is what your Mom would want you to be.
Hugs,
Marion

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER

Re: Feeling sad

Dear Ilias,

I can truly understand what you are going through. I couldn't cry the day my Mom died. She is the person i love the most, always have and always will, and yet i couldn't cry. The day She died, i cleaned Her wounds, dressed Her and cremated Her, yet i couldn't cry. i spread Her ashes and prayed, yet i couldn't cry. But every single day since then, i have cried. i dream of Her and feel Her, but there are many moments when i feel alone, very alone. Every day i wish i would not be haunted by the nightmares we lived. But those memories are invaluable because they are all i have. Just try to take it one day at a time. i know the guilt surrounding our hearts, the grief and the sorrow makes living insufferable, but talk to your Mom. She is here, She is listening and have faith in Her, She will answer.

Hope you and your family find the peace and comfort you truly deserve.

From one child to another, love and peace.
Dee

Re: Feeling sad

To all my forum friends,

this is a remarkable community

Thank You

Ilias

Re: Feeling sad

I still cry every day for my mother and it's been a year and a half since her passing.  Immediately after her passing, I had to deal with her Will in France from the U.S. and it took up so much of my time and was extremely stressful.  Now that it's over, I'm really grieving.  I guess it's because I didn't think as much about my dear mother's passing until now.  Now it's been terrible but still struggling to heal every day, one day at a time.

My partner can't stand to see me cry and be out of it all the time due to the reaction of my anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds.  I don't know if we will make it together.  I'm going to go back to work part time next week and also start going back at Alanon.  That really helped me.  I really don't need another major problem in my life.

My life without my mother has been the biggest devastation in my life.  She was the only one I loved more than anyone in the world, cared about and trusted with all my heart.  I miss her so much  and miss hearing her voice every  morning. The pain is a little better than before  but it will never go away completely.  I was so close to her that I know I will never be the same without her.  I hope her Spirit is still with me and that she's watching over me.

I've been going to therapy once a month and that has helped a little but I'm not so interested in life any more.  My mother was my other half of my life and she's gone so now I feel that I'm living on half a life.

Any feed back would be appreciated.  In the meantime, bless you all that have lost a dear one or battling this monster of a disease or know a loved one  who's battling this disease.  I hope they find a cure one day very soon.

Peace be with you.

Desiree

Re: Feeling sad

Dear Desiree,

I'm sorry for all you are feeling and going through, but I think it is pretty much normal to be feeling those things.   I lost my husband almost 6 yeas ago and still have a lot of ups & downs. I too feel that part of me died along with him.   Time does help, but I don't think  these feelings ever go away.  We just learn how to live with them.   I think you are dealing with things as best you can, day by day.  I'm glad you are going to therapy as I feel we do need to be able to talk to someone and share these feelings.  Are you able to express your feelings to your partner and talk about it or possibly go with you to your therapist to better understand what you are going through and dealing with?  Just a thought.

Yes dear Desiree, I firmly believe your mom is still with you and watching over you.  If you are open to it you will feel and see signs of that.  And you can keep her with you forever in your heart and through all the wonderful memories you have of the life you shared.  Take care and know that you can come here any time to express your feelings as we all understand and truly do care.  Please pop in from time to time and let us know how you are doing.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Feeling sad

Thank you Darla for understanding how I feel.  It's good to hear that my mother's spirit is always with me and watching over me.

I will keep her forever in my heart and she has the biggest past of my heart but I have problems remembering the wonderful memories we had together.  I could see her love in her gorgeous green eyes for me when I saw her and how much she cared for me and she showed it through her actions.  Look at her pictures on FB at Desiree Stephenson

Thank you again.

Love & Hugs back

Desiree

Re: Feeling sad

Desiree,

Checked out your FB and enjoyed viewing the pictures.  Her eyes are gorgeous.  Two beautiful ladies.  smile  Especially liked the picture's of her studio and the view from it.

For some reason I wasn't able to friend you from your page, but if you can send me a request I will. 

Thanks for sharing you mom & part of her life with me.

Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Feeling sad

It's been 13 months exactly since my mom passed away.  I still have those days... I miss her everyday.
One of the things I miss the most is saying the word MOM.   I never knew how precious the word MOM is until my mom was gone and I had no one on earth to call Mom.  I know she is no longer suffering, no more pain, but it doesn't take the pain of missing her.

Anna

Re: Feeling sad

Dear Anna, You CAN say the word Mom and she will hear you, at least that is what I and many others believe. IF you believe she is around you all the time you will see signs that she is. I am posting to you the list of what to look for and maybe you have already seen some of these signs.

After loved ones cross over, they are anxious to let us know they are okay and are aware of what is going on in our lives. If we are not able to feel them around us, they will often give us signs that we cannot ignore. The person who is given the sign usually knows he or she is receiving a message from the other side. You do not have to look for signs – the signs will come to you.The signs our loved ones give us most often are:
They come through as an animal. Our loved ones are able to use their energy to go inside of an animal, such as a butterfly, ladybug, bird, or dragonfly – for a brief period of time. The animal does something it usually would not do, such as land on us, peck at our window, scream at us, etc.
•    They place common objects such as feathers, coins, or rocks in our path. Our loved ones like to place things over and over again in our path that were significant to them. 
•    They give off fragrances. We can often tell our deceased loved ones are around us when we smell their perfume, flowers, cigar or cigarette smoke, or any other familiar smell they had. There is usually no logical explanation of why the smell is there.
•    They make songs come on at the perfect time. We know they are around when their favorite songs come on at the right time with the exact words we need to hear. 
•    They come to us in dreams. One of the easiest ways for them to come through to us is in our dreams. All we need to do is to ask them to come, and they will. However, we should ask them to wake us up after they come, or else we will not remember the dream. A dream that is a true visitation will be very peaceful and we will know it is truly our loved one. We will remember this type of dream in detail many years later. (On the other hand, a subconscious dream may be frightening or feel bad. This type of dream is not your loved one.)
•    They allow us to feel peaceful for no reason. When our loved ones are in the room, they usually make us feel so loved and at peace. It usually happens at the most unsuspecting time, so there is no logical explanation for our sudden bliss.
•    They place thoughts in our head. Because they in spirit form, our loved ones don’t have an audible voice. Therefore, they give us messages telepathically. Pay attention to thoughts that just “pop” into your head.
•    They love to play with electricity. They turn electricity on and off. They like to flicker lights, turn the television and radio on and off, and make appliances beep for no apparent reason.
•    They make buzzing noises in our ears. Because our loved ones speak to us on a different, higher frequency, we may hear ringing in our ears when they are trying to get our attention. This is a sign telling you to listen to what they are saying.
The list can go on and on, but these are the most common ways they let us know they are around. If you haven’t received any of these signs, simply ask your loved ones to come to you to let you know they are okay. Be patient .

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Feeling sad

Dear Darla,

In order for me to invite you to my FB, I would need your last name or you can find me by Desiree Stephenson.

I'm now in touch with my 86 year old aunt and her daughter.  I was out of contact with them for over a year but we came back together again, except that they're on the other side of the world.  I talk to my dear aunt for free on an app called "Viber" and the person that you want to talk to, also has to download Viber on their smart phone.  Free phone calls and texting.

Anyway, I've been crying every day and my cousin has a long talk with me today about taking care of myself.  She was very close to my mother and took care of her while she had CC.  It made me feel better and gave me hope when she said that we'll all meet again soon. I sure hope we meet together while my aunt is still healthy like this year.

My therapist moved so I'm going to a new therapist starting next week for every 2 week,s instead of once a month.  I hope we're a good fit.

I hope you're well.  You're a joy to hear from and write to.  Please keep in touch.

Desiree

Re: Feeling sad

Dear Desiree,

When I  saw the pictures my heart was aching.
You took me back in time to 1990 when our family lived in Paris, I was 17 yo back then.
The last time we went (the whole family) to France was in 2003 for my brother's wedding, he got married in a small town overlooking the beautiful bay of Nice.
Being far away from our extended families make it a lot harder to deal with our grief, I totally understand how you feel.

Bonne courage avec ton traitement.

Emad

"For as it goes through fire, passioned with a rebirth desire; it burns to ashes, and a new life dashes; for the Phoenix shall rise"  As I am the Phoenix and i will hold your hands  ...
I will always make you proud
My Angels "SEEK"

15 (edited by Darla Sat, 05 Jul 2014 20:22:03)

Re: Feeling sad

Desiree,

I am glad to hear that you are now in contact with your aunt and cousin and that after talking with them  you are feeling better and have some hope for the future .   Hoping you are a good fit with the new therapist and that it  works out  and is also helpful to you.   Just take things day by day, one day at a time.  Take care of yourself and slowly you will begin to feel better.  Keep your mom close to you by holding  her in your heart and all the lovely memories you have of her.

Take care.
Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.