Thank you my dears.
Dear Darla, I truly understand your pain.There is a reason for my user name and the title of this post: "SEEK" and "Angels"
Our small family nightmares started at the end of 2012 .My brother in law(our oldest and only sister's husband) was diagnosed with reoccurrence of his cancer, he passed on April 23rd of 2013.
That was the first time I had to deal with death within the family.
It hit me so bad, I was very close to him, he was a brother, a mentor. He taught me everything I know since I came to the US 14 years ago at the age of 26.
When I read you posts, Marion's posts or any other lady that lost a husband, it brings all the memories back.
My lovely Julie,
In my first post, I started by calling all of you on this board as HUMANS
Cancer is a beast, it comes from nowhere and like a tornado, it wipes everything's in its path. It effects all our lives,patient and family members. It strips us from our ego, it takes our dreams away ,We feel naked and vulnerable, weak and helpless. We pray for a miracle, we get closer to each others, we go back to God even if we forgot about Him when our lives seemed perfect.
I feel your worries and your emotions, but please try to always be positive and think of all the positives. I am going to tell you something that might sounds harsh and selfish( can't hold my tears as I type this) ,and please understand that it kills me everyday to think that way. I used to be envious when i read about someone getting better or a success story in the good news section. I would ask myself why not my mom.
Please be strong and take all the negative thoughts off your mind, not just for Julie, but also for your only Son and grandson.
I used to tell my wife that we can always have a different girlfriend,boyfriend,wife or a husband but you can never replace our moms and dads.
Julie, you are one of the very little blessed ones with this cancer, keep rising and shining, I won't say fighting or winning because that is not a fight, and I refuse to say that our loved ones who passed from cancer have lost their battles.
Gavin, you are beyond compassionate. You invest a lot of your time researching and and posting studies to help others. All my respect to you and everyone else that is doing the same, it takes a lot from someone who lost a loved one to do what you guys are doing to help others.Most of us cannot deal with it and I can totally understand them.
Just so you know, I have been staying with my dad for almost the last 8 months (since my Mom got sick). It has been so hard on him to be without his wife and best friend of almost 50years.
You remind a lot of myself and of my life back in Lebanon. Ilias, Elias or Elie is one of the most popular name in Lebanon, in reference to Saint Elie.
It was always hard for me to read your posts, I feel very connected to you.
We are close in age, I just turned 41( worst birthday ever), my Mom wasn't fluent in English but she was very independent and had a job till she retired last June, ironically. Our Mothers were about the same age.A dear friend told me that I should be grateful that my Mom did not pass all the sudden from a car accident and that I should cherish the time that I had to spend with her when she was sick and how much love was put in it. We left our jobs( me and my sister)to be with her 24 hours a day since she was admitted on the 12th of October 2013 due to a severe DVT in her leg . My brother who is the middle child came to visit her on the day she did her first chemo on January 7th 2014, he lives in France. I will never forget that first day of chemo, she was in the hospital, my brother came straight from the airport to the hospital at 9:30 pm. She was so worried about him seeing her , she started asking again and again few days earlier about when and what time he was coming and had an anxiety about it for several days before.
I am trying my best to try to remember the good days but I am not able to escape the bad one, either one hurts a lot.
God bless you, as my Mom use to say.
"For as it goes through fire, passioned with a rebirth desire; it burns to ashes, and a new life dashes; for the Phoenix shall rise" As I am the Phoenix and i will hold your hands ...
I will always make you proud
My Angels "SEEK"