Topic: Mommy

My mom was diagnosed with cholagiocarcinoma (bile duct cancer), around the end of October, beginning of November of 2009. I was 15 at the time. I was aware how aggressively fast this cancer spread but what I was not prepared for, was saying goodbye. I was in denial.
Months earlier, my mom and I were butting heads. We had a very close relationship, but I was a rebellious teenager and she was a determined mom trying to keep me out of trouble.  I moved up to Jersey to live with family (as my parents and I resided in South Carolina.) Once she was diagnosed, I moved back down to SC and the first time I saw her, I immediately saw a difference. She was so skinny, she was constantly taking naps, and she just looked very, very sick. Nothing like the young, beautiful fiery red headed mother I remembered. I didn't want to upset her so I held in my tears as I hugged her and smiled and moved my clothes back into my new room that she had made up for me.
As the months went on, she got worse. Her stomach was so full of fluid, she eventually had to undergo surgery to get a permanent tube inserted in her stomach to drain the fluid.  she went from being a very active, always on the go whether it be cleaning, cooking for us, or enjoying nature . She loved to please others and to care for others but now she was the one being cared for.  She was barely able to talk. She was on so many medication, I didn't even recognize her. I would give her a kiss  on the forehead every morning before I went to school and everyday I came home. Christmas came and we spent it in the hospital because she started getting even worse. Her swollen stomach had honeycombed itself so it was difficult to drain it. She was unable to eat and drink and she would throw up this green bile all the time.
I would sleep on the couch in my parents room everynight so I could help my dad get her to the bathroom during the night because she couldn't walk and had an IV in.
She kept going downhill and fast. Chemo hadn't worked and we were out of options. She was too weak for surgery. She fought until the very end. On February 5, 2010, my mom passed away peacefully in her sleep with me and my dad by her side. She was 31 years old. Our house was full of people that loved her. My grandpa, grandma and uncles.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of her, she was my best friend.

2 (edited by middlesister1 Thu, 31 Jul 2014 13:31:01)

Re: Mommy

Amanda,
I am so sorry you lost your mother at such a young age- your post is a tribute to what a special person she was and how much you loved her.

I am thankful that at least her passing was peaceful.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

Catherine

Re: Mommy

Dear Amanda, what a beautiful tribute to your Mom. CC is a very rare and horrific Cancer and you were a very strong and mature teen to help your Dad take care of her like you did. Remember that Mother's really never leave their children and I just know she is still watching over you.

•    I wish heaven had a phone so I could hear your voice again.     
•    I thought of you today, but that is nothing new.
•    I thought about you yesterday and days before that too.
•    I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.
•    All I have are memories and pictures in a frame.
•    Your memory is a keepsake, from which I'll never part.
•    God has you in his arms...I have you in my heart

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Mommy

Thank you both for the thoughtful words, They really warm my heart. That is a beautiful poem, I will read it whenever I get sad, so thank you for sharing it with me.

5 (edited by Darla Thu, 31 Jul 2014 16:19:30)

Re: Mommy

Dear Amanda,

I am so sorry that you lost your mom to this disease.   Your words are a wonderful tribute to her.  I am glad that you were with her, along with your dad when she passed.  It sounds like she was a wonderful lady and you are a loving,  kind and caring daughter.   

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Mommy

Thank you Darla.
I have no regrets helping my dad out. I was exausted at school but I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. The last moments I had with her, I will cherish for the rest of my life. She was a remarkable woman. Thank you so much for your kind words.

Re: Mommy

Amanda….I too would like to follow the others and welcome you to our site.  Your postings touch me in a special way in that my youngest son was similar to your age when his Dad (my husband) passed away from this cancer.

I believe it is especially difficult for adolescents to lose a parent at a time as tumultuous as the teenage years are.  We wanted to make sure that he realized that parents simply are not gone, but that they stay alive in our memories.  So, we continued to talk about his Dad and we do to this day.  We recall fond memories, laugh at his funny jokes, which at times we considered silly at best, and often times discuss how he would respond or react to certain situations in our lives.  By doing so, my son has learned to accept that although his Dad is not with us in a physical sense, but that continues to be in our lives forever.
Therefore, dear Amanda, like you, he thinks of his Dad daily. 

Your presence must have been such comfort for your dear Mom; to have her loving daughter by her side.  She left this world of love and caring and that is something very special for any parent to experience.  You should be very proud of yourself.

Hugs,
Marion

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER

Re: Mommy

Dear Amanda,

That was a lovely tribute to your mum and I am very sorry that you lost your mum at such a young age. I too lost my dad to this cancer although I was older than you when it happened, I was 38. I too think of my dad each day even though it was nearly 5 years since he passed away. Time does heal wounds and I like to think of the great memories that I have of him, and I am sure that you equally have lots of happy memories of your mum.

You did everything that you possibly could to help with your mums care and I know how proud your mum and dad will be of you for that. It's not easy being a carer isn't it. I know as well from personal experience how tough a role that is and I was my dads carer as well and have been my mums carer for 8 years now as well.

I hope that you will keep coming back here as you are around people who know what you went through and how you feel. We are here for you and we care.

Hugs,

Gavin

Any advice or comments I give are based on personal experiences and knowledge and are my opinions only, they are not to be substituted for professional medical advice. Please seek professional advice from a qualified doctor or medical professional.

Re: Mommy

Dear Amanda,
I couldn't help but see my daughter's faces in your letter.....I could so see them writing these kind of words for me, they are 12, 16,16, and 22. Thanks for sharing your experience and I am so sorry for your loss. I am going to share your post with them and I know they will pray for you, as they have felt the fear of losing me and would want to bring peace and comfort to you.

You are a brave and strong young woman. I am proud of the care you gave your mother when she needed it the most. Please stay in contact...I will be thinking and praying for you.

Melinda

Re: Mommy

Dear Marion,
Yes, I agree it is very hard for adolescents to lose a parent. and I too make sure I talk daily about my mom. I want to keep the positive memories alive and my friends definitely help with that. I'm so sorry about your husband and I feel the pain your son felt. Please let him know he is not alone.
With love, Amanda.

Re: Mommy

Gavin,
Thank you so much for your kind words.  I have days or nights that are difficult but the happy memories help in those times. I'm sorry about your father and about your mother. She's a very lucky lady to be cared for by someone with such loving and caring arms. Time does make it a little easier but regardless of how old you are, it still hurts losing a parent, and for that, I am sorry. I wish the best for you and you'll be in my thoughts.
With love, Amanda.

Re: Mommy

Melinda,
Your kind words have touched my heart. From the depths of my heart, I want to thank you and your family for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. I too will have you and your family in my prayers. And my apologies for taking so long to reply.
Thank you. With love, Amanda.

Re: Mommy

Amanda,

Thank you for your kind words. You are so right that time does indeed make things easier and for everyone the healing process will be different in many many ways. For some it may be quicker and for others it may take longer but none of us ever forgets do we? To have days and nights that are difficult is so normal and that is something that we all go through. When that happens to me I like to look back and think of the happier and fonder memories of my dad and I so hope that you can do that also with your mum.

Please know as well that we are all here for you always and we so know what you are going through.

Hugs,

Gavin

Any advice or comments I give are based on personal experiences and knowledge and are my opinions only, they are not to be substituted for professional medical advice. Please seek professional advice from a qualified doctor or medical professional.

Re: Mommy

Absolutely Gavin. I agree 100%. Keeping positive thoughts helps me get through the tough days. You just gotta keep on keeping on:)
Just remember that your father never left you. I remind myself this daily. They will never leave us. We just can no longer see them.

Re: Mommy

Amanda, not sure if you are a believer but there are many of us on this site. I find comfort in believing that my husband is around me and I have logged 112 visits in 5 years. It brings me a great deal of comfort. I have a list of Signs to look for and if you like I would be happy to send it to you via email. Some things may be happening that you just don't realize is your Mom telling you she is around you!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

16 (edited by Amandalapsley Sun, 05 Apr 2015 23:33:00)

Re: Mommy

Lainy,
112 visits! That's incredible!!!
I would ABSOLUTELY love your list of signs. I remember one day I was sitting with my mom and I was completely inconsolable, she leaned into my ear and whispered, "no matter what, I will ALWAYS be with you. I will never leave you."
I admit there are times when I lose my mind and beg for her to show me a sign because I really need her. At those times, I lose hope.
Your list would be very much appreciated.
My email is amandalapsley@me.com.
Thank you so so much.

Re: Mommy

Dear sweet Amanda,
Thank you so  much for your reply. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers for me and my family! Glad to see you back here and checking in....keep in touch and God Bless you my dear, sweet girl!
Melinda

Re: Mommy

Melinda,
God bless YOU! Everybody on this site has touched my heart in some form. So thank you. Thank you all! smile

Re: Mommy

Amanda, I sent the Signs this afternoon, please let me know if you got it. I hope you recognize things that have been happening and then you will know Mom is round you!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Mommy

Good morning Lainy,
I'm very slack with my email, as I don't check it as much as I should, but I received your email! Thanks a bunch for sending it to me. I never heard of the buzzing in the ear, and I find that VERY interesting. That actually happens to me quite often, usually at night when I'm getting ready to go to sleep. smile

Re: Mommy

Amanda, there you go. I know Teddy comes around more at night and usually through electricity like a light that may be on and starts blinking. Funny he leaves me pennies but he leaves my Granddaughter and his Sister dimes! I asked for a raise! Now you can see what happens because you will be even more aware. I always say let people laugh, but there are more believers today than ever and it brings me comfort! It feels awesome and amazing to be part of transcending time and space. Hope you see and feel more now, it really helps.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Mommy

For me it is mostly electrical and pennies.  I do think being more aware and sensitive to the signs makes them more obvious.  Sometimes they are very subtle and can be easily missed or explained away.

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Mommy

I get signs through music. When I miss Al the most, or I am upset about something, one of Al's songs will come on the radio and remind me that everything is alright. It's amazing. :-)

Re: Mommy

Shelley, 

That has happened to me at times too, usually when I am driving,  but not as often as the electrical things.    Also sometimes just seem to notice a familiar scent or just a feeling.   Yes, it is amazing and comforting, isn't it? 

Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Mommy

I'm definitely going to pay more attention and look for these signs now!