To those of you who have been following my journey, this will make sense. Others may find this somewhere between mystic and creepy. Now might be a good time to exit.
My outlook has been a mixture of humor, analytical, dark, spiritual, and a suspected fifth part that I can't explain - it is obscurred, rarely seen, but there.
I wrote this using pen and paper at a campground in the Adirondacks. Tenting, cooking over a fire, and the finest outhouse in miles. Water but no electricity. That is part of the healing. Poplar Point is on Piseco Lake. Aimee and I started camping here in 1982. Her family brought her as an infant in the late 1950's. We have a history. Last time we were here was a year before CCA. Aimee brought up coming here this year. I had chosen not be bring it up. Not sure if this would be tainted by "what could have been". Thank goodness I listened to her. She refuses to see anything but the best outcome in anything. Talk about an optimist! So I came to grips with memories, past and future. But we know we can't change the past so let it go. And the future is what we make it. We have to find ways to make it the best we can. And that is the big lightbulb that finally lit for me (and the purpose of this post). I have a future! It's not the same one I had in mind 14 months ago. But, I HAVE A FUTURE! I know, capitalizing words in a email is like shouting. But that's how I feel about this - shouting it out loud.
My son Chris went to Space Camp in Alabama when he was in fourth grade. One of their mantras was: "If it is to be, it is up to me." "With a little help from my friends" and my medical team I will make it so. God is going to let me live as long as I need to, same as everyone else. Maybe even as long as I want to. No pre-stamped expiration date - still marked "TBD".
None of this is earth shattering. But it is a major break through for me and I wanted to share it with you. Those of you who already know this are thinking (I hope) "Well done Little Grasshopper." (Kung Fu - David Carridine) Others I hope will find this moment yourselves in your own time.
Live, Laugh, Love