Just know that you are not alone. Cry your eyes out, take a minute, cry them out again, then dab them dry. Gather your family and friends together and go to work. You will have a lot of ground to cover and it will help to split up the work.
There are a few things you need to know before you start. You'll need a CT and PET scan to know exactly what you are looking at - that means, has the cancer metastacized and to where, do the oncologists in your area have any experience with cholangio, and most importantly - what does your husband what to do.
As painful as this is for you and your family - I'm not sure the caregivers can really understand the emotions that the patient is having. Mark (my brother) seemed stunned and almost immobile - while he worked that through, we gathered information as quickly as we could. We wanted to make every path available and then let him choose the path most comfortable for him.
You must seek other opinions and several of them. Any oncologist that tells you there are no options and no hope with cholangiocarcinoma is out of touch with the latest research. Is there a cure if it has metastacized? No, modern medicine can not offer that to us at this point, but it can offer time - this ofcourse is not to say that naturopathic options that heal aren't out there as well.
I hesitate to say this, but I personally feel that it is risky to use an oncologist who is very conservative (this means that they will only try things that have been specifically tested on this specific kind of cancer and have shown good results) I would agree with this approach if there was any kind of substantial research being done on cholangiocarcinoma, but unfortunately there isn't and we must rely heavily on the data from other hepatobiliary cancers at this point - this is an aggressive cancer and we will never touch it with oncologists who aren't willing to stretch just a bit and find out what works. There are many out there willing to do this, but there are many who won't even touch it.
If your husband wants to fight this cancer then he needs to make it clear to the oncologists that you visit, that he wants to fight in an aggressive manner. If he doesn't or he wants to take a natural path - I also think there are some very good options out there as well.
You have a lot of big things ahead of you, but just know that we are all here to help ease of the burden. Ask anything you need and read everything you can get your hands on - be sure to let family and friends help, they don't know what to do either and together you can find some direction.
Good luck and keep us updated.