Topic: EFT Session Two
Wow! Experienced a terrific session. Will tell you all about it after I get my son to the dentist. I couldn't believe the emotional relief I felt. It was about my Grammie at age 7 and how I was told she passed on and then at age 22 I find out the real truth and what part my mentally sick and alcoholic grampa had to do with it. Running late.
I am back. The longest dental appointment in history do believe. My session of EFT last night was to deal with my emtional pain and and unsettled grief I guess is how I would put it, along with feelings of anger. A bag of emotions tied up in one. My grammie died a tragic death. She died from severe burns to her entire body from falling, asleep in her rocking chair with a lit cigarette. That is what I was told at age seven. Grammie was my best of all friends. I loved her dearly. She would visit every weekend and I would cuddle up to her in my twin size bed as there was no other place to sleep. I didn't mind. She was my teddy bear. One day My mom sat me down a told me grammie had a bad accident and burned herself and would be going to heaven to be an angel. I remember going to the hospital and remember the sterile smell and seeing this big white dome over my grammie. I saw her face, slightly blistered and was able to hold her hand for a few minutes while she told me she loved me and and that she was going to heaven to be with God. She told me to be a good boy. I wanted to hug and cuddle her like any other day but was pulled back by my Dad and was told grammie is to sore to be hug today. I remember crying and asking why I could not see grammie again and was simply told she going to heaven and she will be watching you even though you can't see her. Everything else is pretty much blank.
Then about 15 years later, My family and my Mom and Dad all went camping for the weekend. In the evening we were sitting in front of a beautiful camp fire and just remembering and talking about the good times, of which Grammie came in to the conversation about how we loved her so much and really missed her growing up. My Mom then dropped the bombshell, and told me what really happened. My Grampa was a chronic Drunk, with a mean and moody temper. He was abusive to my Grammie, physically and verbally. That was why she would come home on Fridays with my Dad and go back with him on Monday mornings to work all week. Basically she took her chances and walked and talked lightly around my Grampa to keep from being sworn at or beaten up. My Dad had warned him not to ever lay a hand on her again, as I was told and things seem to be going good for a while. Then Mom said to me your Grampa while drunk set my grammies bathrobe on fire while she was asleep in the rocking chair. He want my grammies attention to get some dinner ready and to get him another beer. She did not hear him and respond quick enough, so the bastard set her on fire! Then dragged her by the hair in to the kitchnette and started pouring pans of water on her to put out the fire. Three days later she passed over to God. It was quite a shock to hear this and of course my Mom was crying and reliving the situation so we would know the truth. I asked Mom is that the reason we have never seen grampa? and she told me your grampa was arrested and confessed to what he did and the day after grammie died, he hung himself in the county Jail. After last night's emotional flow of tears and tapping along with Randy ,the EFT practicianer, once again it felt like I just got home from the airport and dropped my heavy luggage on the floor. During the session, I expressed how I had been robbed and denied the love of my Grammie by once again another cruel sick person. We actually broke it up into 2 parts; a 7 year old who had one of the most important people in is life ripped from him for ever for no known reason and then a 22 year old who kept recalling the situation and didn't have or understand how to grieve my lost. I would verbally scold any one or correct them if they wer playing with fire or left the stove unattended or a candle to close to something that might set on fire. I was a max 10 on the EFT scale. An hour later I was able to reach zero and could tolerate discussing it without getting emotional. In fact I talk with my wife about it afterward in detail and she reminded me, she was knew about it, but I just wanted to discuss it a little more. Last week I thought my faith was being challenged and this week I don't feel that way. I honestly feel he removed her from a life, opening his hands and welcoming her home to a place of beauty rather than leave he on earth for a life of beatings and verbal slander. They say God works in mysterious, ways that we don't understand and I believe that without any doubt in my mind. After last nights session a talking about it with my wife a major break through with my wife. She became extremely emotional and said to me I need to talk to someone. I said baby you can always talk to me; and she replied No you have enough to worry about. I need someone who can see how I'm feeling about you. I then told her ,baby I have watched you bottle your emotions to long. I believe that I'm going to be just fine. When and if I loose my battle, I'll still be fine as I will be going to a wonderplace free of this pain. I told her baby you are sad, lonley, scared and angry for starters and totally stressed out. I can see it from your behaviors and your avoidance to talk about it. I said baby what if you were in an accident and died tomorrow? her eyes got big. I said there are no guarantees in life, your eating yourself up inside out with negative emotions, when the fact is we all will leave this world some sooner or some later. If you truly believe we'll meet again in heaven.
Like before I could go on and on about how much pressure /negative emotions got dumped last night. I now remember my Mom saying, it took me awhile but I did forgive your grampa, although I will never forget. Later last night while I was doing some EFT tapping by myself, out in the garage, I feel comfortable doing it in the garage, as I can really express myself verbally, loud and firm. I foregave my grampa as well. I also felt like closure with my grammie finally has happened and I can see her face again smiling at me, not that troubled look. Lastly, my wife and I have an appointment Monday morning with the Chaplain to really express and get understanding of what is actually happening in our lives. As I walked out side later, my liver and bile duct were totally relaxed and was making girggling noises, my chest a little less tight. I'm just amazed at how much was accomplished within a 3 hour period, such relief I can't explain. I just felt good and actually walked around outside, kinda strutting and say I really do feel good tonight. That's it for now. I will continue to tap and do my homework. If anything that I wrote confused anyone and you need clarification of what I have attempted to write, please jump in.