Topic: So depressed

John is getting sicker everyday, he is taking Tarceva that isn't working because he's still loosing weight.
He can't sleep flat due to the extreme burping, gas and pain associated with the chemo. He needs a hospital bed because he's trying to sleep propped up and isn't getting enough rest.
The Dr. won't give him a hospital bed unless he is on Hospice which he is fighting tooth and nail to avoid.

My youngest daughter was just arrested for not finishing community service for a ticket she got, her 10 month old and 3 year old sre with my other daughter, I had to borroe 3,000 to pay her fines and I am going out of my mind.

I'm seeing my dr. to get my meds upped in strength. I just can't take anymore. All I want is 1 day of total peace. I want John to realize he needs hospice. My God help me.

I'm sorry to vent like this but I can't take much more.


Re: So depressed


Is there a third party, someone besides you and the doctor, who would be willing to talk to John about hospice? His brother, sister, best friend, someone from church, etc.?


Re: So depressed

No one at all. I can't stop crying, I'm just so tired and worried.

4 (edited by JeffG Sun, 24 Aug 2008 17:41:12)

Re: So depressed

Charlene..... I so wish there was something I could do!  John probally doesn't know me from Adam, but I'm more than willing to talk with him on the phone if you think that would help.  I could approach him as patient to patient and impress upon him, hospice is where he could get better rest and and it's an opportunity to regain some strenght.  Just let me know by way of e-mail through the board.  I'm serious Charlene, if you want to try ,I'm willing to give him a call.  It's your choice.  My heart aches for you girl.  I have a son who who has put me through some trying times, so I know where your coming from about your daughter.  I can see why you just want to cry your eyes out.  God's Love and support to ya! Let me know okay? Your not alone! There is light at the end of the tunnel.
God Bless,
Jeff G.

Take it to the Limit,One More Time! (Eagles)

Re: So depressed

Charlene, my heart is just breaking for you, so this is hard to say. I believe its time for some tough love. You have yet a hard time in front of you and if your husband refuses to have Hospice it is making it even harder for you. I think you need to sit down and explain to him that you cannot possibly continue without hospice. That you will not be able to continue this way and may not be able to help him through to the end. You need every ounce of strength you can muster physically and mentally and the time is now. Easy for someone else to say, yes? Wish I could help you but all we can do is suggest. Be strong!  We are all thinking and praying for you.

Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: So depressed

Charlene, why do you think the Tarceva is not working?  Is John eating, or is he avoiding it because of the gas and burping?  Have they given him Prevacid and/or Prilosec?  As I said in my previous post my dad has to take both daily to help with these symptoms.  What finally helped my dad was to take a full large bottle of magnesium citrate.  It is over the counter and it made him have a bowel movement which got rid of the pressure.  Now mom gives him a vegetable laxative like Senokot every night so that he has prope bowel movements.  It has helped with the bloating.

Why do you say John is getting sicker every day? 

My heart goes out to you.  I'm so sorry you have all this chaos in your life in addition to having to deal with this life threatening disease.  I will keep you and John in my prayers that God will lead you both to make the right decisions.

God Bless

Re: So depressed

Charlene,  I feel so bad for you and pray that you find the strength to handle all that you have  going on in your life.  Wish I could help more but this may sound  odd but have you heard of 'craigslist'?  it may be an option for you to find a free or inexpensive hospital bed for John.  Go to and click on your home state and closest city and then type in 'hospital bed'.  I tried for my area and found several for free right away.  best of luck and know I am praying for you and your family. hugs, deb

8 (edited by marions Mon, 25 Aug 2008 15:06:06)

Re: So depressed

Charlene....hopefully, John is willing to talk to Jeff.....please, try to encourage him to do so.  Also, have you called Hospice, personally?  They will have an answer to the right approach with John in re: to accepting their help.  Hospice encompasses many areas of pallative care and in some instances depending on the patient's well being will retreat when the patient is stabilized.  I called Hospice after explaining to my husband that I  was not able to keep him comfortable enough therefore, medications needed to be administered with the help of Hospice. You might be able to come up with another solution however, as I have mentioned, calling Hospice and explaining the situation might be another way to go if John does not want to talk to Jeff who I am sure will have a great man-to-man talk with him.  Sending all my love.


Re: So depressed

We see the Dr. on 9/3 and I'm going to insist he go into hospice. She wanted him there when we saw her last time but John insisted on trying the Tarceva.

My Mom died of cancer and he is showing the same signs as she did at the end.
Talking about things that make no sense, losing weight, (another 7 pound in 2 weeks), forgetting when he took his meds,( I've taken over that job)
and no energy to do anything longer than 4-5 minutes at a time.

He's so afraid to die that he thinks going into hospice will kill him quicker but I have to make him realize the benefits. They will supply a bed and everthing else he needs to make him as comfortable as possible. He has to come out of denial. He says he's going to be the first person to be cured.

Jeff if he still refuses I will have him talk to you. I am Amazed with all you're dealing with yourself you would have any energy to try and help this way.
You are definately going to Heaven.

With all the love, gratatude and best wishes for all,

Re: So depressed

Charlene,  the first thing that came to mind when I read your post was this:

"I can do all things through Christ who stregthens me"  Phillipians 4:13

Know that Emilee and I will pray for you and John tonite .


Re: So depressed

It also occurred to me that John can't go on hospice while he's still receiving cancer treatment ie Tarceva.  My dad was on hospice and when we had to remove him from hospic in order to start the Tarceva treatment.

Re: So depressed

My prayers are with you. What a tough time you are going through.  Hospice also has counseling for you. Maybe they would help you even before John agrees to it or maybe he would agree to at least listen to their program and then decide.  My husband Joe is starting to have more complications and I may be facing ths smae thing in the next few months.  I love all the support you get on this website.  hang in there.  Mary anne

Re: So depressed

I admire the courage and strength of the caregivers.  They have to suffer as much, if not more psychologically, then the patients do.  God bless you all for your love and care.  Charlene, you will have my prayers for you and John tonight.

God bless,

Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary afflictions are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

1 Corinthians 4:16-18

Re: So depressed

I wish I could send you all my love and strength right now. You have so much going one and it is not fair. I hope you know what an important part of our family you and john are and that we will do anything we possibly can to help you. whether that is just listening, praying, or Jeff offering his voice or reason. We care about you and our hearts are breaking right there with yours. You are doing amazing. I cant believe you help with his mother, with him all by yourself. I am in awe of your strength and dedication to them. Take care of yourself  because we care about YOU too.


Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope

Re: So depressed

   We are all praying for you and John. I have been following your story since I joined this board, and want so much to help you walk this path. It is so difficult, and you have borne so much for so long. I pray that God give you strength to see it through.


Re: So depressed

Thank you all so much for your kind words and prayers. We see Johns Dr. on Wed. I emailed her and explained what John was going through. She was so wonderful, she told me that even if John insisted to continue with treatment and in her opinion it would be even more detrimental to his health, she would not treat him but insist on counseling and hospice.

I hope for the best and am prepared for the worst.

God bless each and everyone on this board.
With all my love,